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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give DS no lunch?

74 replies

AtSea1979 · 05/10/2016 07:15

After day 1 of year 7 DS had spent twice as much as the agreed amount for his lunch. I can't afford that and he words with DS and DS decided he wanted packed lunch anyway (unrelated to his telling off).
Anyway DS said he has no friends on packed lunch and every was on school dinners so he ended up sitting with year 8s who never spoke to him etc so I reluctantly agree he could go back on school dinners but keep spending to a minimum like take drink and snack and buy a main meal and dessert.
This seemed to be going well until yesterday. When he bought toast, drink, pizza, main meal, dessert and two more drinks.
Shall I send him with a jam butty or tell him he's had his quota? Wink
In all seriousness though I can't afford this so what's the solution? There doesn't seem to be an option of setting a limit on the account.

OP posts:
ChequeOff · 05/10/2016 21:28

I'm wondering along similar lines as Penfold - are you sure he isn't buying food for another child as well? It seems a lot of food for a 7old to eat all by himself

FlamingoSnuffle · 05/10/2016 21:39

Contact school, I think they can set the limit rather than it being on ParentPay which I assume you are using.

Ds1 is now in year 9 but started eating a lunch at breaktime and another lunch at lunch when he started year 7. Was costing me a fortune, but the novelty only lasted a couple of days.

Thissideof40 · 05/10/2016 21:53

I put £12 on a week which is roughly what I was paying for school dinners at primary, and if DD spends it all before the week is out then she knows she'll have to bring a packed lunch, which she hates as I do the food shop on a Sunday and by Friday there's not a lot in the house to choose from. She brings snacks with her too so she doesn't need to spend any money at first break.

Her school has a £5 per day cap but even that's too much I think.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 05/10/2016 21:58

Daily tip up might not be an option. My sons school has a minimum tip up of £5 so everyday that's £25.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 05/10/2016 22:02

Sorry for not coming back sooner, been one of those days. We agree he would buy a £1 toastie and take a snack and drink for next three days to make up the extra he spent yesterday but he came home hungry so I feel bad now.
He doesn't make his own sandwiches, he's got a shocking memory, I have to do lots for him now.
I will agree a weekly amount and if it's gone then he's on packed lunches and anything extra comes out of his pocket money...£10 pocket money Shock DS only gets £2, maybe that's why he hasn't got a handle on spending.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 05/10/2016 22:03

DS can top up daily with pound coins, I don't think I can arrange it on the app as it seems to have a minimum £10

OP posts:
RubbishMantra · 05/10/2016 22:19

Sorry, I'm confused. Does DS have £10 or £2 pocket money per week? Or are you referring to one of his siblings who receives £10 p/w?

IonaNE · 05/10/2016 22:35

Why can't he sit with his mates if he has packed lunch?
Also: I would insist on him making his own sandwiches. His memory will improve dramatically if he remains without lunch...

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/10/2016 22:41

I think part of the problem is that some high schools have a food break at 11.30 then another one at 1.30. Some kids can end up basically eating two lunches.

Enkopkaffetak · 05/10/2016 22:54

Mine have a weekly amount it is down to them how they spend it. Each school (3 different schools) have a daily limit of £5 though. However if by thursday they have spent all their lunch money their choice is.
1 Add more of their own money
2 bring a packed lunch.

I do not ever add money to if they have overspend. The only time this has happened has been with ds when he had a series of after school lessons and I agreed he could purchase a snack at their later opening However I saw this as overspending with agreement.

I prefer dd3's school as they have a set up where I can go in and see what exactly she is eating (she makes good choices but its fab to see)

VioletBam · 05/10/2016 23:16

A toastie isn't nearly enough...the thing is, he might need to suck it up and have packed lunches. Don't you qualify for any help re. free lunch? If it's this tight then surely you might?

Otherwise, they're charging too much. Can you speak to the school about putting daily limits on?

Meadows76 · 05/10/2016 23:22

I give mine £3 a day which they can either put on to their school lunch account or get something from the shops. No way would I give the weekly amount

YeOldMa · 05/10/2016 23:36

Is it possible he heading for a growth spurt? It may make him uncommonly hungry and that would effect his education too. My boy took in snacks when this happened and he bought lunch at lunch-time. I also made sure he had a snack to eat on the way home as he would get very bad tempered without one.

MummyTheGregor · 06/10/2016 00:00

its a PP's dc that has £10 per week pocket money...

dragonflygirl1 · 06/10/2016 00:20

We have that problem with our 15 yo youngest, although her school let's them (ie me) get in debt!!!! Can't give her cash because then she spends it on other things.

MrsMerchant · 06/10/2016 04:34

Teenagers need a lot more food and sleep due to the developmental changes taking place so that amount of food seems ok to me. Send plenty of slow release high energy snacks to help him out x

Optimist3 · 06/10/2016 04:56

Just give him cash daily instead? Or weekly amount and if he runs out he goes to sandwiches. There's being a hungry teen and then there's being a pig

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 06/10/2016 05:22

I don't get why kids shouldn't be hungry when they get home from school. At least they don't get picky and throw away half of their supper.
I would give DD a lot for school and her minder. She'd come home with half of it and would also say that her minder (who's very traditional, so it's sausages, chips, mash, vegetables boiled to die a second death and Dolmio sauces) wrinkles her nose at my lunches and says yuck when she sees spinach or some foreign muck she doesn't know.
Well, DD eats her supper now, leaving only a tiny bit if at all. She's not wasting away either.
We also told her minder not to give her any extras such as toast, crackers or the aldi noodle soups her son loves.

ChickenSalad · 06/10/2016 05:24

DD1 spends an average of £4 a day and isn't really having that much - a snack (but not always) a drink, a sandwich and a packet of crisps or popcorn, or a bowl of pasta. The main meals are probably healthier and cheaper but she doesn't want to queue up for ages to have them when the sandwich/pasta bar is so much quicker. And sometimes with lunch time activities there isn't much time to eat anyway.

Optimist3 · 06/10/2016 05:35

Mine spends 2. Takes own drink of water. Main meal. Not interested in poor tasting puddings

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/10/2016 06:02

Can't you send him with a morning snack of ham sandwiches or something substantial and he buys his main meal at the canteen? As I recall, I used to eat a sandwich for break and buy a main meal at lunch.

SlottedSpoon · 06/10/2016 06:48

He's obviously starving though, probably going through a growth spurt.
I would try to make sure that he has a really filling breakfast (eggs is best for this, not cereal of loads of toast, that will just make him even hungrier by lunchtime.) If there is no time for that then make sure he has something like a banana, some crisps/chocolate biscuits and a drink to have mid morning or alongside his canteen lunch and set him a sensible weekly limit that reflects the fact that you are also sending him in with food, and then leave it up to him to budget it across the days as he sees fit. Once the weekly money is gone it's gone. Don't top it up for more than a week at a time.

It's daft to be buying drinks and crisps and wrapped bars etc from the canteen when they can be taken in from home much more cheaply.

Although why he needs to buy three drinks in one sitting is anyone's guess. He's not buying stuff for his mates, or to shove in his bag for later is he? Hmm

Titsalinabumsquash · 06/10/2016 06:49

I'm having a similar problem with my yr 7.

If I give him money he spends it as the shop or the cafe on the way to school then spends the day with no money, unless of course his friends let him into to secret that the train conductor never comes round so he can spend his train money instead!

He has a problem that he buys everyone stuff so he goes to the shop and blows £10 on sweets for friends (birthday money I might add)

I'm not sure wether to buy a monthly train ticket and send packed lunches. We don't have an account for the canteen like a lot of schools do.

annielostit · 06/10/2016 07:08

On a card - cashless system there can be a daily limit. Ask at the school. You can get a check on what he been buying by speaking to the catering dept.
School food isn't cheap

BabyGanoush · 06/10/2016 07:10

I once looked it up on the nhs site, and if I remember correctly, boys age 12-15 need about 3000 csls a day or domething crazy like that!

My y7 is still getting the hang of spending a normal amount in the canteen. He is spending twice as much as his y9 brother (who at 13 is 6ft and always starving)

I have told my y7 DS that he can eat as much food as he likes, as long as it is not cakes/ice/sweet drinks, and he sticks a maximum of around £3.50.

It will even out over time. I hope!

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