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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I'm being so jealous and silly about this

64 replies

Sayonaraplenty · 04/10/2016 22:51

Just been to dinner with close friend. She is engaged and very happy, I'm single, a few years younger (23) and sort of looking for someone.

I get my fair share of male attention but am fairly insecure about my looks. She is very pretty and we look similar (we're related), I'm attractive I'd say. (On a good day!)

Anyway as we were paying Italian waiter had a little bit of a joke with me and I laughed it off. He then came up to our table again to get bill and turned fully around to my friend and said "may I just say you are very beautiful" and she blushed/stuttered etc. I of course immediately agreed and said she was etc etc but a bit of me felt a tad jealous and silly Blush I don't know why! I think it was the way he didn't even try and include me in the compliment, just felt a tad contrived somehow as if he was trying to make a point?! Anyone know what I mean?! I'm drunk-

OP posts:
Original poster
Sayonaraplenty · 04/10/2016 23:08

I asked for bill and he winked/smirked and said "no" in flirtatious way and I just said thanks. Def overthinking this. Found him quite annoying

OP posts:
ChequeOff · 04/10/2016 23:08

Which bit - the dig or that you fancied him? Ran through your mind that is

Original poster
Sayonaraplenty · 04/10/2016 23:09

The dig Smile

OP posts:
NoMudNoLotus · 04/10/2016 23:09

Just set your mind set to be happy for her OP.
That's all.

ChequeOff · 04/10/2016 23:09

x post

Original poster
Sayonaraplenty · 04/10/2016 23:09

I feel like I'm being stupid for even thinking it!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 04/10/2016 23:09

If he'd complimented you both, it would have just been insincere flattery for the tip.

He found your cousin attractive, so he told her so.

It wasn't about you.

OhTheRoses · 04/10/2016 23:09

Listen at 23 I suffered angst about my hair, my thighs, my bum, my nose, my boobs. I'd kill yo have now what I had then. Enjoy it, be glad, learn to be confident.

Do you need to learn to flirt?

Muddlewitch · 04/10/2016 23:10

If you have different colouring maybe she was just more his 'type' he might particularly go for brunettes or blondes or whatever.

ChequeOff · 04/10/2016 23:10

Forget about it Say. You say you're attractive so don't worry about it.

expatinscotland · 04/10/2016 23:11

One time, at band camp . . .

Original poster
Sayonaraplenty · 04/10/2016 23:12

Expat ?????

OP posts:
ChequeOff · 04/10/2016 23:13

Go on expat Grin

MrsMcMoo · 04/10/2016 23:20

Yeah, I'd have been pissed off too. It's not very gallant. Maybe he thought he had more of a chance with her? Or maybe he was doing that thing where you're deliberately a bit rude to someone, in the hope that they'll sleep with you (negging, I believe the term is).

HeddaGarbled · 04/10/2016 23:22

Never mind OP, I'm as plain as a plain person on plain day in plain land and have never in my life been told I was beautiful by a waiter but now I'm professionally successful and financially well off, as is my (also plain) husband, my god, they can't do enough for us. Validation by waiter, no matter how Italian, is not the validation you should crave.

You're 23 and good looking and popular with guys. Don't be miffed because someone you like got a meaningless compliment from someone irrelevant.

How's the career shaping up?

Original poster
Sayonaraplenty · 04/10/2016 23:24

Thanks Hedda! It's good actually, touch wood - in a grad role in banking/finance. Recently started actually. Will keep plugging away :)

OP posts:
milkshakeandmonstermunch · 04/10/2016 23:25

Why does the opinion of some random, sleazy waiter matter to you? How is your self esteem?

Maybe I'm too far beyond 23 to remember being so sensitive or maybe I just wasn't ever pretty enough to expect compliments to begin with but, if you're knocked by something so minor, you need to work on some self love. I couldn't give a toss if someone fancied me, I'm fabulous despite being far older and far less attractive than you.

PJBanana · 04/10/2016 23:26

I would be hurt too, OP.

I had a weird situation at work the other week that honestly made me feel like shit. It was absolutely ridiculous.

My hair is one of the ONLY things I like about myself. It's naturally very curly and I get lots of compliments on it.

I was at the front desk in work the other day talking to the new receptionist about something. I woman with very similar hair to mine came over and the receptionist actually stopped talking to me to tell her what beautiful hair she had, but she said nothing about my hair. I stupidly felt really put out about it for the rest of the day.

YANBU.

Cat2014 · 04/10/2016 23:29

I understand, it would bother me too. I have low self esteem though

springydaffs · 04/10/2016 23:34

Of course it made you feel shit! He'd flirted with you then directly gave her a HUGE compliment. Desperately tactless and ham-fisted if you asked me.

Fear not, op. I had a very beautiful friend and I was totally invisible by her side. Then we went travelling together and it was ME the men were entranced by (darker than my friend); didn't even notice her. It got on my nerves after a while.

PickAChew · 04/10/2016 23:39

You're not ready to go steady.

Honestly? Grow up.

ChequeOff · 04/10/2016 23:41

Wrong thread pick?

AnyFucker · 04/10/2016 23:42

You sound very invested in how much attention men give you. And in how much attention other women from men get compared to you.

It doesn't sound healthy.

GreenandWhite · 04/10/2016 23:51

"waiters have been very sweet and complimented us both, said how we both look great boa boa"

Yikes that sounds sleazy.

Op, one word of advice from someone nearly twice your age: Do not look to others for validation. Live on your terms.

LongDivision · 04/10/2016 23:54

I think he was playing you. Doing that thing of mildly insulting you, lavishing attention on your friend, so that you'd be jealous and interested in him.