First time user, though occasional lurker on this forum. I am here for your wisdom and insight. Please feel free to be very honest with me- I feel that I have lost all perspective and could do with some of yours!
Hubby and I are both surgeons (different specialties). We live and work in the US (originally from a different continent). We are parents to two beautiful children. Most of our immediate families are now in the US, so this is now home. We took a long, difficult path to get where we are now, spending the better part of the past 2 decades undertaking fairly grueling surgical training. Now, we are wrapping up training and getting ready to take up real jobs-already in very, very late 30’s. Here comes the dilemma.
I have a job offer from my current training program. This is a world-renowned program and a lot of what is being practiced here aligns very well with my desired career trajectory. The Department Chair is passionate about mentoring new faculty, there is ample time to pursue academic interests, a very strong workforce of top-notch faculty and trainees from across the world (besides, this is a beautiful city, with the right mix of the city vibe and easy access to breathtaking scenery).
The downside is that they are currently not looking to hire someone in my husband’s specialty; he works in a very niche field and the kind of jobs that would suit his skillset are few and far-between. He has however found another job he thinks he will love-except it is on the other side of the country (think 8 hour flight from where we are currently, counting in airport layovers and such). My husband’s field is undergoing rapid expansion at this center and they are quite keen to hire him, so much so, that they have extended me a job offer too.
I have very little doubt this will be a wonderful opportunity for my husband. Within my field at this academic center, however, the staffing is threadbare, the section chief is not known to be an avid mentor of new hires and my on-call duties will be overwhelming until the staffing situation improves. I am also not excited to move to this much smaller place after having lived in a lovely, thriving urban environment. Since funding is an issue for them currently, I am also being offered a much smaller salary than would be expected for my skillset.
In short, I am very confused. We both agree that staying geographically so far apart will be unsustainable over the long term. I still resent my current situation- I have slogged very hard to get this far (admittedly, so has he), and it now seems hard to not take this job which seems tailor-made for me and to travel across the continent for a job situation I feel zero excitement for. We have some restrictions imposed by our visas too- which means that whichever job we go for, we will be deadlocked in for the next few years. As it is, our long years spent in training have been less than ideal for our children; we have relied a lot on outside help for their upbringing. It makes sense to now shift our focus to them and stop cribbing about our own career-related frustrations- I know this and feel guilty about feeling the way I do. Please drill some sense into me.