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AIBU?

More of a WWYD

75 replies

TweedleDumber · 03/10/2016 07:55

Your DP is a SAHP.

It's your day off work and you have a test drive booked. With no intention of buying, it's just to get a feel of the vehicle.

When you got up you found DP had been up all night with sick 3yo (not anything major, just a bad cough/cold and the whingy/clingyness of a sick 3yo). DP has only had 3 hours broken sleep.

Test drive is booked for 9:30am. Would you still go or would you cancel and let DP sleep while you look after your sick child?.

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VladmirsPoutine · 03/10/2016 08:28

It seems then the test drive is a bit of a red herring, the fact is he's not pulling his weight as a parent and a supportive partner.

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myownprivateidaho · 03/10/2016 08:35

I think I would ask my DP if they would mind if I still went. If they asked me not to I wouldn't go. Otherwise I'd feel ok about going so long as I'd be coming back afterwards (i.e. not spending the entire day out).

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myownprivateidaho · 03/10/2016 08:37

Did you ask him to cancel? I think that's the key.

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AyeAmarok · 03/10/2016 08:40

Unless there was a pattern of not getting involved with the DC (which I guess there may well be) then I'd say the test drive will take about 2 hours so I'd go on the test drive and then back at 11am and send SAHP off to bed and deal with toddler for rest of the day.

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phillipp · 03/10/2016 08:41

There would be no blanket answer in our house to this.

Although if I was the sahp, I would tell dh to go then head to bed in the afternoon.

But I like afternoon naps, regardless of how much sleep I haven't had I wouldn't want to go back to bed until later.

Personally it wouldn't bother me if dh still went. If it did bother me I would ask him not to go, I would imagine he would be ok with cancelling.

But as pp said, did you ask?

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StarlingMurmuration · 03/10/2016 09:00

If this were us, a) DP would have shared the pain during the night, especially if DP was off work the next day and if that hadn't happened, for whatever reasons, b) DP would still go on test drive but would come straight home afterwards and allow SAHP to sleep, with SAHP's agreement.

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TweedleDumber · 03/10/2016 10:34

Well he went out at 9am, still out.

The dealership offered it to him as he knows the guy.

I didn't ask him to cancel, no. Id told him that DD had been up all night poorly and I'm exhausted and coming down with it myself.

He's just called and has "popped" into work for an hour or so then is off to get himself breakfast. Apparently he doesn't want to be stuck inside since it's a nice day.

Fuckwit.

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Witchend · 03/10/2016 10:41

I wouldn't expect dp to cancel. But I would ask he was back early from work so I could have a couple of hours in the evening.

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Only1scoop · 03/10/2016 10:45

I'd be furious to be honest is he usually this selfish?

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slightlypeevedwombat · 03/10/2016 10:49

"He's just called and has "popped" into work for an hour or so then is off to get himself breakfast. Apparently he doesn't want to be stuck inside since it's a nice day. "

and what did you say? did you tell him to get his arse back to the house and look after your DC?

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Mummyamy123 · 03/10/2016 10:50

Cancel for sure

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MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/10/2016 10:57

Having said I wouldn't expect the test drive to be cancelled, "popping" in to work then "fucking off" to get himself some breakfast would have me absolutely raging and sobbing my eyes out on the phone to my mum.

It was shit like that that contributed to my divorce. You have my sympathy OP, he's a real shit head. Unfortunately I have no advice on what to do - sorry

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Soubriquet · 03/10/2016 10:58

Ring him and tell him to come home

Don't sit and stew about it. Make it clear you need help and he needs to come home so you can get some sleepb

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Willow2016 · 03/10/2016 10:59

Tell him to get his arse back and start parenting his child while you get some rest.

Thats taking selfish to a new level.

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TweedleDumber · 03/10/2016 11:05

I just put the phone down on him. Too tired to deal with this shit.

DD has found energy. From where, fuck knows. Snotty little monster :).

He's just turned up home now.

With the fucking test vehicle. Are you fucking kidding me.

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TweedleDumber · 03/10/2016 11:11

He started bellowing in the house "come see it". I told him I'm less than interested in it.

Because I said that apparently I'm a miserable cow.

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MissHemsworth · 03/10/2016 11:14

I feel for you OP my DH wouldn't give my needs a second thought. Interesting how most PP agree he should be helping you out, what will you do?

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TweedleDumber · 03/10/2016 11:15

Cry. At the moment DD is screaming at me.

So yeah. Currently crying

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BushExplorer · 03/10/2016 11:16

He's amazing isn't he?
Manages to get out of looking after his unwell child at night then dissappears for the day taking a car for a spin, popping into work, leisurely breakfast. Did he offer to get you anything while he was out? Has he offered to take his child while you rest?

You really need to say to him that you are tired and want a rest and that he must look after the child so you can rest. What would he say to that?

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milkyface · 03/10/2016 11:21

I'd still go. He's not young to be driving for hours is he?

What is he had been at work today? Would you have expected him to take a day off?

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ohgoodlordthatsmoist · 03/10/2016 11:22

Go hop into the car, take it for a drive (tell him you'll be 5 minutes) switch phone off, park up and have a snooze.

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BushExplorer · 03/10/2016 11:23

But he hasn't been at work all day. He's doing a test drive for his own amusement while the mother of his child stays at home exhausted from being up all night with an ill child. Selfish.

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MissMargie · 03/10/2016 11:23

He is an arsehole but you could have woken him at 3 am and done a swap - ok I know that probably would not have worked but there was an option you didn't try.

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19lottie82 · 03/10/2016 11:27

If you are only going to get a few for the vehicle then just go by yourself, as long as your OH doesn't mind.

If you are considering buying it after the test drive thenyouvan go for another on with OH, surely?

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Myownperson · 03/10/2016 11:28

But he's not at work milkyface. Whole point of the thread. He is basically having leisure time.

OP, sorry he's being a dick. My advice is to give up hoping he'll behave like a decent person and tell him he has to take over. Tell him as firmly as you can that you are crying with tiredness and you need him to take the car back and look after DC. Try to keep it simple, you don't need a row right now.

Go to bed get some rest and then think about how you deal with this long term.