To be furious with my DHs workplace?

[FuriousWifeNeedsCalming]

I earn more than DH in the 3 days a week I do, than he does in 5 days. He can't even equal it by doing 6 days so we stick to 5 for him. Which means I'm the breadwinner and also DDs primary carer, which I know upsets DH a lot, his wages cover the 3 days a week DD is in Nursery. DD is 15m.

DH works for a major supermarket retailer, he's technically a supervisor but doesn't get paid much more (5p extra per hour) for the extra responsibilites, and often ends up only "supervising" to cover the department managers breaks or when they're off on AL.

He apparently loves his job though. But i hate it. In the two years he's worked for them they cancelled a weeks AL the day before it started as they were apparently short staffed, they made him take only 10 days PL when he's entitled to 4 weeks because the manager of his department flew off to the Caribbean, and there was apparently no-one else to cover him and they've also asked him to work the week between Christmas and New Year, despite him specifically asking in September for it off because DDs Nursery is closed so I need him to look after her for those 3 days - I could book it off but he feels he doesn't get enough time with her as it is, and this seemed the perfect opportunity for him to spend some time with her. I am happy for him to work his contract 10 hours and a few extras on the days I'm not working (he told his work this) but apparently he's needed.

He's contracted for 10 hours a week, but usually works between 35 and 40 hours a week, but often tell him he can only do hos contract 10 hours then call him and expect him to drop everything to go to work with less than an hours notice. He doesn't get paid if he's not working so although my wages cover everything bar childcare we do have a small amount of debt because of his hours being dropped randomly. We're only talking £100 or so, which gets cleared when his hours go up, but we get into debt again when they drop his hours.

Today I am at the final straw with his workplace. I am ill, I have a double ear infection in my right ear, and a inner ear and a sinus infection in my left ear and sinus. I am unable to look after DD on my own as I can't hear anything out of my right ear and have limited hearing in my left, I'm dizzy when I stand up and can't keep food down due to the Antibiotics I'm on.

DH has never ever been off sick, he always turns up for work on time with his uniform ironed (he does it every morning), and he's happy to cover his colleagues shifts if necessary even on other departments. He has never turned down a shift and regularly works Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights which are the busiest times for the shops and when no-one else will work.

He's doing a 9 hour shift tomorrow, and DD isn't due in Nursery until Tuesday, she is also ill with a cold/cough. So DH went in to ask for tomorrow off (work is a 10minute walk away).

Apparently they can't let him have the time off unless he has a doctors note for himself, they will not accept my one for my workplace, and even though his contract days are Tuesday and Wednesday they've told him he needs to be in tomorrow as usual at 6am. They've said as a good will gesture they'll let him leave an hour early if all his work is done. I'm sick of it, if he doesn't turn up that's gross misconduct and he could lose his job, which we don't want as although my wages cover the bills, DH likes to be in work and DD loves Nursery and has developed so much from being there.

DH is looking for another job, halfheartedly as he loves his workplace for some reason, and he can't drive which limits him to anything on a public transport route.

AIBU to think they are bastards unreasonable and need to treat their staff with more respect? and AIBU to be furious that I'm going to managing an active toddler for a minimum 9 hours tomorrow with no hearing and almost constant pain?

I used to work at a place like this. There's no professionalism and it can be a nightmare.

Morale would dip up and down, and even though you're listing the bad points and then saying you don't understand why he loves it, the flexibility of the hours and the chance for overtime to bring more money in make it a practical job.

By going in whenever they ask and generally working hard and seeming keen, he's making a good impression, and he probably likes people seeing him as reliable.

But I agree that the AL refusal is terrible, and it's far from ideal that they won't give him time off tomorrow, but that's the sort of environment in those places. Christmas is often the busiest time of the year so you are being unreasonable to expect them to give him all that time off.

They do need to treat him with more respect and maybe he could remind them of all that he's done for them in the past. But it's hard to accept that you're seen as a doormat and almost impossible to make people stop treating you like one.

A lot of the judgey comments here are merrily blaming your DH for being a pushover and telling you that you have a DH problem. I doubt these people have ever worked in a place like this and probably wouldn't last long if they did.

My DH works for a well known supermarket as a general assistant. He is also a union rep. He says as long as you make reasonable efforts to make up the time owing there shouldn't be a problem. And everyone is entitled to take unpaid leave for family emergencies.
Perhaps he shouldn't be saying yes to working so many extra paid hours...he should ask for time in lieu, that way he could build up some extra days off. DH always prefers to do this when he has to go in extra hours to sit in on disciplinaries or other such meetings.
I was always the one who could earn more when our kids were young, and my DH doesn't drive either! However, he has overtaken me in that respect, whilst working for the supermarket. Me? I'm a T A...

you said he is working to keep DD in nursery

I don't think his work his beneath, and although everything is joint money he knows that he's working to keep DD in her nursery which she loves. He's always told me that gives him purpose.

but surely if this was in reverse everyone would be up in arms, saying its joint income keeping her in nursery , not just his income?

no wonder his self esteem is shot, you seem to like treating him like the little woman so scoffed at on here

Aldi is hiring all over, they had ads out for the four stores surrounding us.
They pay more too.
www.aldirecruitment.co.uk/apply/

Another saying that he's let them do this to him. He needs to stand up for himself.

It sounds like he's choosing to make himself unavailable.

ssd you put it better than I did.

Christmas is often the busiest time of the year so you are being unreasonable to expect them to give him all that time off.

She is perfectly reasonable to expect them to allow him to limit to 10 hours a week for Xmas week. He is only contracted for 10 hours a week. This is undoubtedly great for the employer as they only have to pay holiday and sick for 10 hours a week and if they are less busy they can cut the employees hours. It is shit for the employee for the same reason.

The downside of employing someone for just 10 hours a week is when you are busy you can't make them work more than 10.

I'm less sure about tomorrow as it is presumably agreed overtime.

I do think it is time for your family to think carefully about your set up and whether it is still working for you. For example if you were to go up to 4 days a week and your Dh not work (so no childcare costs) then would you be better off? You would then be able to have lovely 3 day weekends as a family every single weekend.

(My husband earns about the same as me in 5 days as I earn in 3. We do discuss whether it is still working regularly but working is very important to him.)

"The downside of employing someone for just 10 hours a week is when you are busy you can't make them work more than 10."

If they generally need the overtime though and aren't 'co-operative' your employer can just give you your contracted hours and no more.

I knew people on 4 hr contracts who needed overtime - and could have it as long as they stayed behind for an hour or more unpaid to tidy up after the shop had closed.

Where I worked they broke the law - less than 11hrs between shifts, people doing two 4 hour shifts back to back with no breaks at all. Health & safety issues - such as no access to the first aid room etc. store nearly got closed down once because fire exits were blocked. This was a big name department store.

Retail can be really shitty.