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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why my neighbour is always wanting to busy me?

35 replies

user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:36

My next door neighbour and I are friends and have children at the same school (she has three DC and I have two).

She's currently on maternity leave. I work from home while DC are at school, with weekends off.

Every time we see each other, leaving the houses, were have brief chats. She always asks if I'm busy, I say I am, but she regularly comments that it must be nice working at home and maybe I should do some voluntary work at the school too. I always say I don't have the time. I work during school hours!

Anyway, this is an ongoing theme. She's always hinting that I should be busier.

Today, for example, DC, dog and I were coming back from long walk woodland walk. On her doorstep the neighbour commented that it was good to see me being "Active". But, I walk 6 miles a day, during weekdays, and she knows this.

I'm often 'out and about', work Mon to Fri and exercise etc.

Why would she feel the need to 'busy' me up?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:38

I think she may be a bit inclined towards competitive tiredness, but having a baby I would expect her to be more exhausted than me.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 01/10/2016 17:40

She assumes you're sitting on your arse all day rather than actually working.

ScaredAboutTheFuture · 01/10/2016 17:40

She probably is just making conversation and doesn't know what else to day to keep it going.

Original poster
user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:41

Yes. I wonder why though. I have colleagues and clients coming to the house at least once a day, during the week, and she's aware of that.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:42

I don't think she's just chatting for chatting's sake. We don't have a problem with conversation.

OP posts:
normage · 01/10/2016 17:42

Sounds like you have a lovely balance in your life. For some reason she's trying to make you doubt this. Personally, I would make the brief chats even briefer, hopefully over time becoming just a cheery wave!

peekyboo · 01/10/2016 17:43

It probably comes under the heading of 'It's not proper work'. You know, it can't be proper work if it's at home, only if you go off and do 9-5 somewhere else (even if you do the same work out of the home). This is the same logic as it not being proper work if you use the brain, only proper if you move your whole actual body and do something physical for a living.

Also, your neighbour might be a mum but still only see outside work as proper, even if she is totally knackered after looking after the kids and house all day. So she'll be projecting on you because you're at home, having a lovely time and doing whatever it is you do that you call work, which can't be work because you're at home etc.

(I'm a writer so know all about this sitting around doing nothing all day business).

wobblywonderwoman · 01/10/2016 17:44

I would find this really irritating.

I would be a little more busy - is no time to chat today. Is she jealous ? Will she be going back to work?

Can you keep saying 'that's a strange thing to say?'

Fidelia · 01/10/2016 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:45

Reading my OP again, it doesn't really give the full picture.

On Thursday she said she'd seen an advert for a local college and thought I might like to do a course there in the evenings. She knows I went to university (we were in the same college at different times), and that I have a hobby. Just seems an suggestion to make. This is one of many, many comments though.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:46

Yes, she's going back to work in the new year, and looking forward to it.

OP posts:
mysistersimone · 01/10/2016 17:48

I think she's jealous, she may view you as having it all and not stressed and cant understand why you don't look tired or you're not running round like a blue arsed fly. I don't think she intends to be mean, she just doesn't understand, and you shouldn't have to explain. Accept her and she needs to accept you

Arfarfanarf · 01/10/2016 17:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:51

I find it hard to believe that she's jealous. I don't have anything she doesn't, as far as I can see.

I like her, and the rest of her family. The only niggle is this 'busying' thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1474926891 · 01/10/2016 17:52

Yes, maybe she'd like to volunteer and do a course. Life's limited with a baby, I suppose she might be feeling it.

OP posts:
peekyboo · 01/10/2016 17:53

My neighbour always seems surprised that I'm still working but always asks when she sees me.
I do private tuition in the evenings and so am off in my car every day by about 3, drag myself back around 10. Erm, where does my neighbour think I go? (The mind boggles).

mothermother · 01/10/2016 17:55

i hate people like this. i'm a stay at home mum and my husband works, we have four children and i constantly have people aksing why i don't work.
I have people sending me links on facebook to job openings, i have people asking me what i do all day so i started answering with 'i don't work because i don't have to' and 'i just nap all day'

to be honest it must be some weird jeleousy competitive thing ConfusedHmm

EstelleRoberts · 01/10/2016 17:56

Some people think people 'should' be productive at all times, 'should' be up by a certain time in the mornings, 'should' be in bed by a correspondingly sufficiently early time etc. They think it's somehow wrong if they don't live like this, and for some reason are really invested in the idea that others should be living like that too. She probably thinks you sit around all day not doing very much. Most likely, she drives herself to be busy and productive at all times (and is probably scared of ever having enough time to face her own thoughts and feelings), and thinks you are lazy and 'should' be doing more. Deep down she is probably very jealous.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 01/10/2016 18:00

Next time she wants to chat say breezily: "So sorry, can't stop and chat - I'm busy!" Grin Either that or tell her my favourite stock MN response when someone's being cheeky "Oh do fuck off".

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/10/2016 18:01

Sounds a bit competitive to me. I don't think 'd be letting it slide.

Her: it must be nice working at home and maybe you should do some voluntary work at the school too.

You: Not possible, when the school is working I'm already working. You know, you've raised this before. You know that I work, don't you? Just because I don't travel to an office doesn't mean I don't have to put in the hours.

And I'd bat it back to her. Every. Damned. Time.

snakesalive · 01/10/2016 18:03

Nah...she is stirring.and winding u up.under the pretence of being kind.shes being a bitch

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 01/10/2016 18:05

Working from home doesn't count as work you know. You're at home.

My work doesn't count either because I do it at night.

Some people just can't get their heads around anything other than 9-5 work outside the home.

DontMindMe1 · 01/10/2016 18:22

classic projecting. it's sad. .

i'd just toss the ball back in her corner each time. She's on mat leave and it's obvious she's envious of your 'freedom'. I'd start talking about all the mother&baby groups/classes that are available. She's 'at home' all day right? So she can also get out and about and keep 'busy'. Plus there are all those yoga/pilates/swimming classes that she can do to stay healthy/in shape/whatever her hang up is.

She knows full well she's having digs at you the cheeky cow!

I don't get why women choose to have dc and then choose to take their frustrations out on others for it. we all get envious of others but to deliberately keep on making barbed comments is just nasty.

woowoowoo · 01/10/2016 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PirateCatOvenGloveOption · 01/10/2016 18:27

Put in a pair of earphones and a pretend if necessary ipod. Just wave and nod and hum along but don't speak. She'll soon get the message.