to have told my DD the truth about death?

[tryhard]

I'm feeling really bad about this & would love to know how others have handled this...

My eldest is 5. The relevant background to this is that it was recently the anniversary of my Dad's death (he died before she was born), I tried to hide how upset I was but she saw me crying on the day & I explained why, just that I was sad because I miss my Daddy but thinking of all the good times makes me happy. Then I had a minor op, nothing serious but she saw me recovering in bed with stitches which she asked me a lot about. Then I was ill & needed to go to A&E in the middle of the night, the only thing she was aware of was that my Mom was here in morning & I was in bed recovering for a few days. I'm normally really fit & active, she's used to me running round after her etc so I guess it was unusual to see me ill in bed twice in quick succession.

Anyway, yesterday she suddenly bombarded with me questions about death: will you ever die Mummy, when will it be? When I'm a grown up? How many sleeps till you die? What's it like when you die? I don't want any of us to die...

I was so unprepared for it, it was so out of the blue, I just said were all young, fit & healthy & wont die for ages & ages. DH said I should have just lied & said that I'll never die, reasoning that at this age she doesn't need to know the truth about death. But I plan to tell her the truth about everything as she asks me (ie where do babies come from etc, which she hasn't asked yet).

So AIBU to have told her truth? Have I damaged her for life?! I'm worried I've not handled it right.

I think it's very common for children of 3-5 to go through a phase of wondering/worrying about death. IMO it's best just to answer their questions truthfully. I vividly remember my mother telling me that she would die someday but she knew it wouldn't happen for many years, that I would be grown up when it did happen at some point in the distant future. She meant to be reassuring but her certainty was actually a bit frustrating. She couldn't really be 100% sure and I was well aware of that. So I swore back then that I would be honest with my own children about the uncertainty of death. Of course, that doesn't mean frightening them or planting unnecessary seeds of doubt or worry in their minds.

Incidentally, my mother is still very much with us. So maybe she had some inside knowledge after all.

Toostressy didn't offend at all. Like I say I'm not religious and doing the job I do I see death every single day so I know more ins and outs of what happens after death physically to the body than a lot of people do, but it's hard to think that that's it so I like to think that there's some sort of afterlife. I purposefully don't call it heaven as I don't 'believe' I just say people go to the sky. I guess no one will ever know what actually happens so we do and say what we think is best.

Thanks everyone for the kind comments xxx

Mybugslife Did you see the program on the TV the other night about decay;! Urrg :(

Seems the worms and blowflies will win out in the end that's if Bacteria don't get 'em first;!

Not sure that comment is appropriate for this post.

Your DH is unreasonable.

What if you told her you'd never die and then you died tomorrow? She wouldn't understand. Morbid thought but we can all die any time and she needs to know that death is a real thing.

nMybugslife Err yes, your right. Rather inappropriate Sorry for any offence caused, not intended:(