To not feel the need to kick, cut, or punch to get my point across?

[azuretriune]

Or am I just being precious/humour impaired? (For those just tuning in, this has to do with the recent spate of violent thread titles.)

Trigger is often used by drama queens to make a thread all about them. Reasonable people who have genuine triggers generally also understand they can't control the world in order to avoid them.

You get the same sort of people in MN as you do IRL but I think generally forums tend to attract the needy and the "fixers" of life more- and fixers also tend to be bossy. So you have a slightly extreme dynamic

notright.

That remark is offensive. scared was referring to a real life incident of emotional abuse and threatened domestic violence. I really don't feel sarcasm in appropriate in that context.

I don't think it is sarcastic at all. A man said it , it's not funny. A woman says it, it's not funny. A woman wrote it when upset, it's not funny. FGM is not funny. Male mutilation is not funny. I think making jokes of it is sick. Other people seem to find it funny.

Or did your wonderful sense of humour desert you at that point?

The point in question being when a man threatened to kick the crap out of his pregnant girlfriend.

I understand your dislike of the thread title, but that remark is extremely unkind and lacking in empathy.

I can't understand why anyone who has been in that position still finds the threat of violence funny, unless they are using it to minimise the horror of having been faced with it. It is exactly because of the reality of violence that I can't see any humour in it at all.

In the thread referred to I can understand the OP using that language out of shock at the betrayal of her and it is something that would be said in real life face to face conversations in similar circumstances.

The ones I totally disagree with are the ones threatening violence over the most trivial and insignificant things done by either the public in general, work colleagues, friends or family - as a pp said threatening to slam someones head in a door purely because they are a bit annoying. These for me go hand in glove with posters who are furious or livid or steaming with rage again over minor irritants, judging by their reactions I would imagine they would spontaneously combust if life dealt them anything remotely difficult.

Threatening violence has very little comedy value for me.

Yabu and very precious. They are figures of speech that make our language rich and colourful. I'm annoyed by the people who are determined to take offence at everything.

It's almost like some people on mn find suggestions of violence funny or acceptable when aimed at men. I opened up the one this morning about kicking her husband in the dick expecting him to have done something terrible. Nope he just won't get up and sort out a child that wasn't disturbing him when he had to work and the op was a sahm.

Them it turns out she threw the baby monitor at him. So if the roles were reversed the op would be told to leave the bastard. But because it's a woman in the role of abuser, it's funny and harmless and she's just at the end of her tether. If a man threw something at a woman because he was tired and frustrated that wouldn't be acceptable.

I agree that it's not funny. I recently watched an episode of Family Guy involving domestic violence and the juxtaposition of comedy and wife-beating was extremely unsettling and uncomfortable to view. God knows what they were thinking.

I don't, however, feel the OPs choose these thread titles with any intention of being amusing. They are in emotional distress and often unable to think clearly. They just want to express their hurt. A little empathy is needed here. Lots of people fuck up when going through some inner turmoil. Chastising them for it, or accusing of them of trying to be 'funny' just seems unhelpful and a little judgemental.

neon. I'm not defending the OP's actions on that thread, but you could equally argue that she is a victim of emotional abuse. The guy is doing sweet FA with his own child, and allowing his heavily pregnant wife to do everything.

I can't get offended I must admit, I always assume they don't mean it its just a way of venting? And when I'm pissed off at DH I always say I could strangle him etc, it doesn't mean I actually will, and I don't think anyone in RL thinks I will either. I've seen way more offensive things on MN to be honest.

itsjustnotright - i don't really see how you fail to understand the difference, but as you clearly do, here it is in plain English for you: someone who is supposed to love you standing in front of you, waving fists in your face, threatening you and really meaning it is just NOT the same as some tired, exhausted or emotionally broken words from a stranger online that are obviously expressing frustration rather than an intention to commit violence.

if you really want to claim it is, then go ahead, knock yourself out. (which you will probably also claim is violent language.)

It read to me that she's just as abusive than him if not more. She's the one throwing stuff.

We're going to have to agree to disagree on this one, Neon. While it was completely unacceptable behaviour for her to throw the baby monitor, there is no indication on the thread that she is frequently angry/violent, but there is evidence of her husband's ongoing neglect of his wife and child, and his steadfast refusal to support his heavily pregnant wife is any practical or emotional way.

Of course, OPs are always one-sided so we can never really know the truth,

She says she dropped the monitor on him, on top of the duvet. Not great but hormonal, in pain, exhausted and getting no support = I can empathise with that.

Chucking it at him with an intent to hurt would be v different and would be unforgivable. But it doesn't sound as if that's what happened.

scared. Sorry, only just read that be. It's always hard to judge because of course we don't know both sides of the story, but from what I've read, I would be more inclined to slap the 'abusive' label on DH.

I'm genuinely baffled at the defence of his shoddy parenting and support.

In real life of course YANBU.

But a violent MN title may be in poor taste but I'm pretty sure the OP isn't going to act on their urges. Plus a few of them have been treated really shit by said cock cruncher, so are just lashing out via the intervention.

No harm done.

I'd rather someone ran over a pedestrian in GTA than punched their partner.

I've got a gsoh and I dislike the casual references to violence too. I suppose it's understandable when someone has been cheated on but I just generally find it nasty. No problem with swearing etc, and am not a prude, just find the kicking in the cunt, cut dick off type posts nasty and not funny.

jess - people should just be nice and treat everyone equally. in pursuit of that, it seems some people like whipping themselves into a frothing keyboard warrior frenzy. which is why you get people focussing more on the words than the actions, or in this case "men can be victims too!!!!!!!" (which we all know full well is the case) rather than the fact that this lazy arse is leaving all the parenting to his heavily pregnant wife.

wonder what those people would say if it were their friend in real life sobbing in front of them. "now now, I know you walked in on him having a threesome with the cleaner and your best friend, but did you think before you called him a cunt?" AS IF!

The only posters using the 'kicking in the cunt' phrase (I can't believe I've just typed that) are the ones attempting to express concern over the hypocrisy of the thread title. And yet, ironically, their wording is equally offensive. They could have chosen to say they find the title offensive, rather than using such violent and misogynistic terms, but instead chose to use the very same language that they are angry about in the first place. Now thats hypocrisy...

The answer to the normalisation of male violence against women is not the normalisation of female violence against men.

These thread titles - and the tolerance of them - are an example of the "race to the bottom" approach to equality that makes us all worse off. Abusive men will come on here, read the thread titles and think "well, women think that way too, so my partner is clearly just being oversensitive when I joke about hitting her".

And it's a shame that being considerate is now classed as being "precious".

scared. When I found about about my ex's affair, two weeks after DS was diagnosed with ASD, I used every offensive, misogynistic word in the book. I don't talk like that usually, and I'm not proud but I was in shock and distressed.

I've already said this on another thread, but if you can show me a woman who didn't utter a single misogynistic word upon discovering her partner's infidelity, I'll polish her fucking halo for her.

What's the actual point of commenting 'if you don't like the title, don't open the thread' as if that's the end of the debate?!

I didn't feel it was appropriate on either of those threads to say, but I thought the titles were ridiculous. Like others have said, if a man posted similar, MN would delete his post and ban him within minutes, to the indignant howls of hundreds of female posters.

It's not good enough to excuse someone just because they're having a hard time. That's not the standard that would apply to male posters on here, so I don't think it should apply to women either.

If we can't allow someone to vent on MN who is having a hard time, then what exactly is the point of this forum?