AIBU to wonder how the hell I keep ending up hair I don't want

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

No matter which hairdressers I go to no matter where in the country it is or what price range the cuts are I end up with the exact same cut EVERY BLOODY TIME.

I hate it as in really hate it to the point that I'm now contemplating shaving my head and having done with the whole hair thing.

I have taken pictures of what I want in it looks nothing like what I get, ive even taken pictures in and very clearly said do not give me this cut or one like it I hate it, ive spent hours building up trust with hairdressers (because I now have a phobia) got to the point when I trust them not to do it so feel ok with asking for a proper cut as opposed to a tiny trim and Yep I get the same cut despite being so clear about not wanting it

I don't know anything about hairdressing so don't know which styke they are doing untill its done and end up in tears everytime I have a haircut.

How? Why? And AIBU to think they shouldn't do it and wonder how I can stop them

Oh OP I really feel for you. I had my hair cut too short 7 years ago and it was awful. It's so frustrating when hairdressers just do whatever they fancy. When I lived in SE London I had an amazing hairdresser who put lovely layers in and created fabulous shape. Now I'm in the NW I cannot find a hairdresser able to do anything other than a trim and "curly blow dry" I'm going to London in the next few months for a visit and will be factoring in a hair cut!

I have NEVER been happy with hairdressers - crappy cuts, brassy colours, etc etc, while handing over large wads of cash, so that I came to dread it as if going to the dentist. So, I watched a lot of YouTube videos, and with two mirrors and a lot of patience, have learned to cut it myself. I figured at first that I couldn't do a worse job at least, and now I think I'm pretty good at it (medium length, some layering). I like it much better than anything I've ever paid for. Take it slowly and just a little at a time. There's a lot of good tutorials out there.

Forgot to say, there are many videos etc about that Lisa Rinna cut.

I cut and colour my own hair now as well. It doesnt look any worse than the last two cuts I've paid for. No one has asked me if I do it myself or looked sideways at it.

I make it very clear that the hairdresser must agree how much to take off before cutting. And show me the hair in their fingers before the first cut. I have longer hair. So the length is agreed, then the layers, then the fringe. It's the only way to get what you want. I'm really surprised you haven't found anyone to cut this style. Are you being too relaxed in the salons? I've had a few hairdressers, who just hack of 3 inches when you've agreed 2 cms. So I'm wary now.

I have very long hair. it's my best feature. I'm a fat fucker, but have good hair. It suits me. I colour it myself and once every 3/4 month I want the ends trimmed off - in a straight line. I cut my fringe myself as I know how I like it (wet, pull to one side and cut - thinks its called overextend fringe cut) and can have a long side fringe that works with my glasses and I can still see.

That all sounds so simple right? walk in - 1-2 inches off and out. Nope. Every frickin' hair dresser tells me I need layers to 'thin it out' OR 'give it more body' No. I don't. Its not frizzy, it's not thin, and it's easy to straighten/curl/style just as it is.

Every frickin'' hairdresser tells me I need layers round my face. No, I don't - it's bloody annoying and doesn't suit me.

Every frickin' hairdresser tells me I shouldn't cut my own fringe and that it needs thinning out/ cutting blunt across my forehead/is too long. It's fine, I have a mirror, and I'm not blind. LEAVE MY FRINGE ALONE!

If I'm not paying attention (so I can;t relax have to watch them like a hawk they all try and sneak in layers. As soon as I see them lifting up the hair I have to ask them what they are doing 'Oh I'm just ....' Stop. Just stop. put the hair back down and cut a couple of inches off the bottom like I asked. I do not want a restyle.

And so on. And I pay £30-£50 for this (extra tenner if you have long hair in most places)
After 30 years I finally found a hairdresser who loves my hair, was impressed that there was no patches in the colour and cuts it straight across as I ask. Also gave me a few tips on cutting my fringe ( poker straight first as you get a cleaner line, then wash and dry it again to get the right swept over style. Because I trust her I let her put a few highlights in - something I've wanted for years but didn't trust anyone enough to do. They look fab.

The difference may be that she has fab hair herself, not over processed and a lovely cut. And she listens to her customers. Mainly that last bit.

sorry - that was a very satisfying rant - but of absolutely no help to the OP.

I would suggest as well as bringing in a picture - keep it propped up in front of the mirror as they cut - deconstruct the hair cut. specify the length, amount of layers and payment of layers - get them to show you on your hair where they are going to cut and how long - especially around the ears.

Is your suited to the style you want?

I would think one reason you end up with a style you that's not what you wanted is because you want a style that won't work with the type of hair you have.

I've spoken to loads of hairdressers, and most of them hate clients that bring in the pictures, unless it's of you and a colour or style you have achieved before. I'm definitely not denigrating any hairdressers on here, but they all get jaded after a while, go to the younger qualified stylists, they have more ideas. I mean lets face it, you bring a picture of a style, your hair could be too thick, too thin, layers may need to grow out, a different colour may be needed, your hair may be too coarse for the style. And it's a tad difficult for a hairdresser to pick your hair to pieces in front of everyone, have you thought of that. They more likely to say Great, that's fine. It's fatal to get too comfortable in the hairdressers also, I had a fatal amount of hair cut off once, by mistake. I never went back.

Wow OP the second pic is so much shorter! I feel your pain and so for the last 10 years have never had my hair cut shorter than bob length as any disasters can be tied up in a pony tail!

I think it would be a really good idea for hairdressers to take a photo on an iPad and attach it to a digital profile. You can then swipe through and say which results you really liked or didn't like. It must be a nightmare to remember every client's likes and dislikes.

*A photo after the cut/finish.

dubious Your photos made me belly laugh. I've been there! I once went and asked for a posh spice crop with long swept over fringe. Came out like Sinead O'connor. I have never cried so much in my life. I actually tried to pull my hair to make it grow like Tressa( 70s doll with hair that grew!!) ...if only I was Tressa!

I hate going to the hairdresser's. The whole experience is awful - sat there in front of the mirror with your hair scraped back looking its (your) most unattractive, while the hairdresser asks what you want, which you usually don't get. And then you have to pay for the privilege for having endured the process. I now cut my own hair, and I'm much happier for it, and I get compliments! There are various internet videos showing you what you can do yourself. If you don't mind giving it a go and are prepared for it not being quite right the first couple of attempts, I'd advise it, especially if you've got someone who can help trim any bits you've missed. It was a bit scary the first time, but now I'm a dab hand at it.

CodyKing "Why do we just nod and smile - then leave and sin in the car?"

Presumably because sinning in the car takes our minds off our hair.

Now I know I keep mine down to shoulder blades , straight cut and fringe, blonde highlights.

I get what I asked for and suits me fine.

If it's windy or hot then it goes into a pony tail.

In fact my hair looks shit on my holidays when it's hot during the day but so does everyone else's when at the beach.

Sock, I'm sorry your hair is not what you wanted but you look absolutely stunning.

My dil got a similar style to the one you wanted but come hair was day, no matter how she tried, how much product she used she could not reproduce it. It just refused to flick out and stay flicked out.

Daisy pond..reminded me of my recent trip to the dentist when I had a large tooth extracted. She'd load of trauma. Sat quivering in the chair wondering what was going on. And knowing once she'd started she'd have to finish. Looked very unattractive and then had to pay for the privilege and then had to endure about three weeks of hell before it was right again.

dowser as soon as I can post a pic with face covered it will be quite clear that even my own dad wouldn't say I look remotely stunning at the mo.

My brother who is biased as they can be keeps looking at me and shaking his head