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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with my sisters in laws refusing the flu jab when my nephew has cancer

79 replies

AdmiralCLingus · 28/09/2016 21:42

My nephew is 3. He has been in and out of hospital on antibiotics since his chemo started and has just started the second stage of his treatment.

My sisters in laws are bloody wishy washy at the best of times but this just takes the biscuits. They (mainly her mil) are refusing to have the flu jab. They are finding excuse after excuse not to have it done and it's really starting to make us angry. With his immune system so low (he has been neutropenic more times than I can count now) why is it so hard for them to understand the enormous risk something like the flu could be to him?

OP posts:
Original poster
AdmiralCLingus · 28/09/2016 22:54

Everything is permanently crossed for him peanut. He's a little trooper to say the least and I'm so so proud of him

hollin it makes me cross that people have NO consideration of other people's health problems sometimes Flowers for you too xx

OP posts:
hollinhurst84 · 28/09/2016 22:56

Partially it's because I don't have anything causing it as such. I'm on drugs used during chemo etc but because I'm not on chemo, people don't get it? That sounds awful Blush but if I said I had X, people get that and they get chemo but they don't seem to understand the shitty side effects of the drugs and the bone marrow pain and the infection risk

TroubleinDaFamily · 28/09/2016 23:01

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travailtotravel · 28/09/2016 23:20

I would t have a flu jab as it makes me v ill and has not prevented me getting flu. The difference is that I work at home most of the time and don't demand to see poorly people who would be affected.

Wishing your DN a speedy recovery, OP

bluebellsparklypants · 28/09/2016 23:32

YANBU you would of thought that family would do all they can to help protect the young boy

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 29/09/2016 03:25

My DD is immune compromised. Starting mid-October until the beginning of May, unless you are immunised, you are not welcome to visit our home. We have masks at the door for visitors who have symptoms of a cold or other respiratory infection.

It may seem overkill, but after seeing my daughter going into complete bone marrow failure and losing the ability to clot her blood, seeing her bleed from every orifice and mucous membrane in her body because she contracted Influenza B... I am willing to plead guilty. It has been 5 years and, with the new guidelines her treatment team have put in place, we have not seen another viral illness so severe. She has never completely recovered from that one, mind you, but thankfully it has not been repeated, either.

LilQueenie · 29/09/2016 03:31

last year it was admitted the flu jab did not work. However it did have side effects. Its unfortunate but everyone must make their own decision. Unless the child is kept away from everyone you really cant blame one or two you know are not vaxxed. A complete stranger may pass on a bug without knowing vaxxed or not.

TwigletsMakeMeViolent · 29/09/2016 04:50

"last year it was admitted the flu jab did not work."

Seriously? Just last year's strain or generally? Do you have a link?

Zenzie · 29/09/2016 05:11

I see it as very clear. The parents of any child with neutropaenia can ban anyone they like from seeing their child. This isn't fucking politics, it's basic medicine. Don't like the fluvax? Then don't get it and deal with not seeing my child until their bloods recover.

Bloody selfish people. Angry

crabb · 29/09/2016 05:28

I remember the previous post about these ILs pushing their way in at inappropriate times. And now this. Grrr. So sorry your sister has to deal with them as well as coping with her DSs illness. Love and Flowers to you all.

crabb · 29/09/2016 05:28

And what Zenzie said.

MsJamieFraser · 29/09/2016 05:39

Yabu, your can't force people to take medicine they don't want, however at the same time they will (if I was the parent) would have limited time with the child.

However as a mum with a child with a compromised immune system, you cannot sheild them from society either.

ElizaDontlittle · 29/09/2016 05:40

Hallo no reason for you to have the flu jab on MIL's behalf.

There are so many myths around it - it doesn't make you unwell, side effects are vanishingly small. Some winters they don't predict the right strain which goes on to cause an epidemic - it's quite an art really - I think that's what PPs mean by it "not working" - but that's out of the control of us normal folk - all we can do is accept it if offered.
Sounds like your DSis is having an even worse time than she needs to, as the parent of a very poorly boy, because of these people. Neutropenic sepsis can be fatal - they are being extremely unreasonable. Flowers

MsJamieFraser · 29/09/2016 05:41

Not all flu jabs work, as the strain is forever changing, I thought this was common knowledge tbh.

HalloToJasonIsaacs · 29/09/2016 06:27

Thanks Eliza

Original poster
AdmiralCLingus · 29/09/2016 07:35

crabb they just get worse and worse tbh.

I just think they're generally unreasonable for not attempting to make it easier on their little family by taking the option that's offered to them. If they say they can't see him during the cold/flu season then the uproar would just put even more strain on my sister. I worry every day when I get a call or text from her what has happened now because she's already at breaking point with an extremely ill child and her own medical issues to deal with

OP posts:
CancellyMcChequeface · 29/09/2016 07:53

I completely understand why you feel the way you do, but I have to say YABU, because everyone has the right to refuse vaccinations they don't want, even if others find their reasons illogical or selfish.

It wouldn't be unreasonable to say that if they don't have the vaccine they need to stay away from your nephew - your sister needs to do everything within her power to protect his health, but she can't do anything about the choices others make.

mrszc · 29/09/2016 07:58

Some people really are disgustingly self absorbed. Flowers for your nephew hope he makes a full recovery

Bishybishybarnabee · 29/09/2016 08:04

last year it was admitted the flu jab did not work.

No it wasn't. Each year they predict the flu strains that are likely to be the most prevalent that season. Last year they didn't predict as accurately and so it was ineffective against the most common strains being passed around. So less effective in practical terms, but that isn't the same as not working.

Hadiever · 29/09/2016 08:24

Pengling
I agree they should have it but generally it is advised that kids on chemo get their flu jab in early each year so that offers them some protection. The difficulty is wherever you go you have no idea who has or hasn't had the jab so you could be in contact with it anyway. Obviously if the little one is neutropenic it is very unlikely he would be attending pre- school, toddler groups anyway.

flanjabelle · 29/09/2016 08:28

It sounds like they are completely in denial about the seriousness of the situation. Your poor nephew. I'm so sorry for what your family are going through op.

Original poster
AdmiralCLingus · 29/09/2016 08:30

Unfortunately their life seems to be confined to hospital mainly at the moment... I think since his diagnosis in march they've had about 20 days at home, so it's really about limiting what family members bring him into contact with

OP posts:
Hadiever · 29/09/2016 08:34

They should get it done. Could the onc team at the hospital maybe speak to them about the importance of trying to keep the ward and patients safe from infection

dowhatnow · 29/09/2016 08:36

It's their choice whether to have it or not but it is your sisters choice whether to let them see him or not. If she hasn't got the support of her partner, she's in a shit situation. It's up to your sister whether she feels strong enough to tackle the fall out. Poor little boy.

shovetheholly · 29/09/2016 08:36

OMG YANBU. Your poor sister - it sounds horrific.

I would refuse to let the child anywhere near them until they had it done. It's an absolute red line.

I've been immunosuppressed by treatment, and so has my Mum - you have to keep reminding and reminding and reminding people not to come anywhere near you with a cold or they just forget. You really need relatives to do these minimal things to ensure that people who can't fight infection are safe.