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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cash-strapped boss bought child a designer handbag but can't afford me!

69 replies

Ubertasha2 · 28/09/2016 17:15

Hiya,

Love mumsnet and wanted a quick vent, pls bear with!

So I am a nanny for a family who claim to be broke but (imho) have vast amounts of cash to spend on the dc's whims and desires.

No problem you might say, none of my business you might say (and I agree up to a point), but when I have been told there is not enough money to pay me properly and then the mum buys the kids a ridiculous amount of expensive gifts, it is difficult to say nothing. I work- have always worked hard- am never paid overtime or extra when I come in early, I end up buying stuff for kids when kitty runs out and when I used my car (I pretend I haven't brought it these days to avoid using it for work) I never got petrol money and reimbursed for wear and tear etc etc.

The latest is that I have been given my notice (a month) because the family is "broke", but on Friday I discovered that the eldest child (nearly 12yo) has been bought a designer bag which cost a whole month of my wages.

I am really upset because I was underpaid for so long (and it was insinuated that I was greedy when I politely asked for a raise in line with local nanny rates a while back), I have never been allowed a contract, the family refused to do nanny tax (which I found quite stressful to sort myself), and whenever a day of my work is taken from me by them (over bank hols, when parents decide to take the day off on a whim or work from home, and often at short notice), MY WAGES ARE DOCKED!!!!

Next week the mum thinks she "may have a couple of days off and may take the kids to a musical" but she doesn't know yet. Of course. But of course, I will have two days docked from my wages. But this is ok, right? My bills won't need paying, will they?

The designer bag chapter (as friends have called it) is the latest in a long line of "we are broke and cannot pay you more money" but, then "look what mummy bought me, Tash!" Yes, the bag was paid for by the mother but it feels that all the money I've been denied from my hard work (not money I fancy or feel entitled to) has, in a way, been squirrelled away to pay for this ridiculous item. Friends are urging me to joking say something like "no wonder you can't afford me; you have designer bags to pay for!", or "perhaps we could discuss the shortfall of my wages now, please?" as I have (sadly) made notes of how much I have been underpaid.

Sorry for this rant- I know many people in this world are suffering- proper suffering, but I hate any injustice of any sort and really want to say something but don't know how or if it'd be appropriate in any way?

I also can't imagine anyone treating a hardworking member of staff like this- underpay them, lie about being broke and then paying thousands for a bag for a (very badly behaved) child. I just don't get it!

OP posts:
Ubertasha2 · 28/09/2016 19:34

Just back from dog walk! Thanks for advice, everyone- so kind and informative.

Raspberry, the bag was most definitely not a fake. I sound really dim and naive but I had no idea a designer bag could run into the thousands unless it was a Chanel (only have a couple of 2nd hand ones- ironically from past nanny employers!) 😀

abbs, yes, going to get a reference- has been offered to me via text so far!

OP posts:
Littletabbyocelot · 28/09/2016 19:41

Legally if a nanny works regularly for you, they have to be your employee. You have to pay your employee holiday pay of at least 5. something (I think) weeks, including bank holidays. You can't pay them extra in lieu of holiday. You have to give them a contract within 18 weeks & if you don't you there is still a contract implied by them turning up and you paying them which would include at least statutory minimum for things like holiday. (I employ a nanny & other staff at work).

justilou · 28/09/2016 19:44

You need to get them to write you a glowing reference, so suck up for now - and line up a new job. If you happen to start that and leave them in the lurch, then all the better!!! (There is no excuse for this disrespectful and unethical treatment. I hope the next lot are a dream to work with!)

Mummaaaaaah · 28/09/2016 19:52

You've been treated appallingly and Argos riddance to the family. You can't someone much better to work for I'm sure.

Would like to take issue with pps casting everyone who has au pairs as slavers! There are lots of reasons an au pair might work out better and many families who treat their au pairs very well thank you very fucking much.

Far better than you've been treated OP. Very wrong. Angry

Mummaaaaaah · 28/09/2016 19:53

Sorry. Angry thumbs.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/09/2016 20:16

Mumaaah- not everyone is vile to au pairs - but this lot will be - 100%
That's what I
Meant

Cabrinha · 28/09/2016 20:17

You say you're outspoken - but it doesn't sound like it!
Why did you stay so long?
Bad conditions and unpaid extra work is one thing, but bloody hell - docking your basic pay?

How long have you been there?

Is your NI up to date? (you don't want to find out when it's time to retire that these arseholes have actually had a long term impact on your state pension from missing qualifying years!

Do you need the reference? If you have a stack of good past references and the last one isn't too out of date, can you do without this one?

Mummaaaaaah · 28/09/2016 20:57

Stopfucking got it. Sorry!

Ubertasha2 · 28/09/2016 21:01

Argos riddance, Mumaaaah!

I was once an au pair- in the states as a youngster. Family ok, but on a hol I was expected to share a bed with a 3 year old- so not ok and really odd now I look back on it, and both parents were having an affair with other people, which as a youngster away for the first time, I didn't feel able to have any opinion on. Obviously, what can you say? Because of this, Cabrinha, I am ridiculously outspoken now but on behalf of others- not great at sticking up for me as was terrified of losing my job. I had a career break from arty creative stuff (got into that after au pair duties!). Thinking I am probably better suited to working with temperamental artists again!

Littletabby', thanks. I think I will politely broach the subject of pay owed. If I employed someone and expected them to turn up to work and complete their job whilst committing to me and my family, I would respond by valuing them and paying them when they would normally work.

OP posts:
gettingitwrongputingitright · 28/09/2016 21:02

You are well shot there. Maybe they buy the extras on the old never never or perhaps they are massive wankers piss takers

Ubertasha2 · 28/09/2016 21:06

Definitely wankers- haha after the depressing news, you've just made me giggle- thank you!

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 28/09/2016 21:17

I would leave graciously and ask for written copy of glowing reference
Don't bother being p.a they won't give a shit
You could type up super polite invoice / diary of all event and maybe supporting evidence for why you should be paid for bank holiday sect
But do not expect them to pay you it's more yo guilt them into treating next nanny better

SandyY2K · 28/09/2016 21:19

Regarding the reference. Any future employer will want to contact the previous family for a reference and wouldn't just take the one you provide without making further enquiries.

At least I always did that and I also phoned them up, but I'm very cautious with that kind of thing.

I'd never have employed a nanny on the basis of references she had in hand, without verification.

There are guidelines regarding au pairs as well. They have aimited number of hours to work and they have to have 2 days off a week, but there are always people ready to take advantage.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/09/2016 21:32

Do you have other good references ? As if yes you could just stop and explain to new people why - and present them you other good ones

You should value yourself and what you do OP X

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 28/09/2016 21:32

MummahSmile

gettingitwrongputingitright · 28/09/2016 22:16

Seriously though every door and all that. You deserve better. Can you come and work for me and my 4 feral darlings. I can't afford you either but will pay you in peanuts. Wink

GoMeGoYou · 28/09/2016 22:27

I'm angry on your behalf Angry Angry. I'd politely demand all money owed and I'd report them.

Ubertasha2 · 29/09/2016 07:05

Thanks gettingitwrong and GoMe!

OP posts:
ssd · 01/10/2016 10:09

phone HMRC and land them in it, after you get your reference

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