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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at this work incident?

39 replies

WTAFF · 28/09/2016 15:08

I don't know if I am over-reacting but I'm a bit upset and wanted some opinions if possible please.

I bumped into one of my colleagues this afternoon. He is someone who I have always said hello to in passing but haven't really ever had much conversation with. He has always been really pleasant and happy.

He works two days a week at our organisation collecting the post as part of a community scheme for people with learning disabilities.

Today when I walked past him I said hello as usual but he grabbed me into a very tight bear hug and was running his hands up and down my body while trying to kiss me on the lips. I managed to deflect him onto my cheek.

The whole thing happened very quickly and I managed to run off quite soon after but I feel a bit upset about the whole situation.

I'm sure he didn't have any bad intentions and I don't want to mention this to my line manager or anything like that, as i don't want to get him in any trouble but I am a bit worried about how to deal with any potential repeat of this situation the next time I see him. I am VERY bad at dealing with any form of conflict and have a hard job saying no to people about anything.

Any advice would be welcomed.

OP posts:
Iazarus · 28/09/2016 15:09

You need to tell your line manager

justilou · 28/09/2016 15:10

Depends - if it happened at work, you need to deal with it.
If it was outside work, it's up to you. I wouldn't let it slide - that was really icky.

ThomasRichard · 28/09/2016 15:12

He assaulted you. I'm sorry.

You need to tell your line manager or HR rep and get this creep dealt with.

Gazelda · 28/09/2016 15:12

You must report this. He needs support to understand that this was inappropriate (to put it mildly!). No one can put him straight if they don't know it's happening.

How are you feeling now?

CMOTDibbler · 28/09/2016 15:13

You need to speak to the person responsible for the scheme. Dh used to work somewhere with a considerable number of people with LDs or brain injuries who were employed to deliver files in the building, and one of the things the mentor of this group did was to work with them on appropriate behaviours

JellyBelli · 28/09/2016 15:13

You should mention this to your line manager. Its not a case of getting someone into trouble, its that he needs to learn better behaviours or be supervised 24/7.

CakeByTheOcean · 28/09/2016 15:13

I agree with Gazelda. If it was 'misguided' he needs guidance on acceptable behaviour.

Original poster
WTAFF · 28/09/2016 15:28

I feel upset and kind of like it was my fault. I keep running what happened through my head.

I have been told by my work room mate that I'm over-reacting though and it was 'hardly a sexual assault'

I need to just get myself a grip really! Smile

Thanks for your opinions. I'll have a chat with my manager next time I see him. I just worry that he will think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill.

OP posts:
whateveryousay · 28/09/2016 15:30

Tell your line manager. The next person he does this to might not be so understanding of his special needs, and he might get into serious trouble. He needs help with this issue, but won't get it unless it's flagged up.

GrimmauldPlace · 28/09/2016 15:34

You definitely need to tell your line manager or whoever runs the community scheme.

OlennasWimple · 28/09/2016 15:35

Blimey! And nice minimising from your colleague there! Hmm

It's not your fault, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. If you don't tell anyone what happened, how can anyone help stop this happening again?

Ginplease · 28/09/2016 15:36

I am sorry you have experienced this. It was not a nice thing to happen and you were not expecting it. Please don't start thinking it was your fault. You should not have to experience this at work, or anywhere. Regardless of the situation.

Tell your manager.

Someone would be responsible for a risk assessment and this assault needs to be recorded and updated.

This chap will have a support structure that need to know to make sure it doesn't happen again.

I have had similar happen and been uncomfortable. I processed it through and dealt with it and it no longer makes me uncomfortable. I hope you can feel ok about it soon. Flowers

pasturesgreen · 28/09/2016 15:37

Another one who seconds informing your line manager or HR. This sort of behaviour needs reporting.

DiegeticMuch · 28/09/2016 15:38

His next victim could be more vulnerable. This really needs to be nipped in the bud for his sake as much as anyone's.

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 28/09/2016 15:39

You must absolutely tell your line manager, if only to stop it happening again to you or someone else.

Your colleague who minimised it is a dick.

I hope you're feeling ok now. I would be very upset.

blushrush · 28/09/2016 15:45

It may be hard OP but you do need to report this. Otherwise it is likely to happen again.

TwigletsMakeMeViolent · 28/09/2016 15:46

No, you're not making a mountain out of molehill.

He's your colleague, not your boyfriend - or even a friend. It's not appropriate in ANY way, shape or form. Would he have done it to a male colleague? No way, of course not!

I would be upset, too.

ThatStewie · 28/09/2016 15:47

I'd email your line manager today. It needs nipping in the bud now

Gazelda · 28/09/2016 15:49

OP, you have been assaulted. It wasn't your fault.

And the man with LD isn't a creep.

Please ignore your colleague who is minimising it.

Report the incident as soon as you can (email?) so that the man can be helped to understand.

HumphreyCobblers · 28/09/2016 15:50

You must report this straight away. I am shocked at your colleague's attitude.

No wonder you are upset. That was a seriously unpleasant thing to happen to you.

I would think that you should treat the incident in exactly the same way as you would if the person concerned didn't have a learning disability.

SapphireStrange · 28/09/2016 15:51

The next person he does this to might not be so understanding of his special needs, and he might get into serious trouble. He needs help with this issue, but won't get it unless it's flagged up.

100% agree with this.

And he isn't a 'creep', the poster who said that.

EssentialHummus · 28/09/2016 15:53

YY to telling your line manager, copying HR (if you have one), setting out factually what happened. Not okay at all.

MrsNuckyThompson · 28/09/2016 15:54

Agree. You need to tell someone.

What if the next placement he gets is in a school? He might have difficulties understanding boundaries or what is appropriate, and perhaps needs help with that. It doesn't mean that in the interim period women around him should be afraid of what is coming next.

FrancisCrawford · 28/09/2016 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaterTots · 28/09/2016 16:02

I think even if you believe he genuinely doesn't understand that this isn't on, you still need to report it. It's for his benefit as well - not to mention that of the scheme.