Are there any reasons to have a second child?

[sampras]

I will keep this brief.

I would like a second DC but DH would like to stop at one. I was previously fine with this but would now like another one. I have spoken to DH about it and he is taking time to think it over but has said he does not think he will want to. His main argument is that he is 40 (he thinks too old), our DC is in school so we would be going back to the baby stage and it is basically a lot of work. He is an amazing father. I am not intending to try to force him but in our discussions, it has been strangely hard to come up with good reasons to do it all again! I wonder if anyone has any inspiring arguments to back up my request that we go back to sleepless nights, nursery fees and baby sick?

I have a 6 year gap between my first two as different fathers (pregnant with third currently). And having a younger sibling has been nothing but positive for the eldest, even with a 6 year gap they play imaginative games together every day, she helps get her breakfast/drinks etc and comforts her and I just think those are all really positive relationship skills. I don't think anything over a few years is too big a gap or going backwards. My biggest sibling gap is 14 years and I stil get a lot out of that relationship.

But the main benefits I see to having a sibling, is the emotional support you have as an adult. I can't imagine dealing with parents health and care and eventually funerals etc without a sibling to share that with.

The other big benefit and I think it's an import one but not guaranteed, is the increased likelihood of your grandchildren being able to have cousins.

I don't think your dp is too old at all. Mine has his first at 42 and will be 45 when his second is born. He was totally put out when I suggested we try again sooner rather than later because of his age as he hadn't considered that a problem.

I would not be concerned by the age gap. A family member has 2 with a 7 year age gap and they're lovely together. Not saying it always works but it can.
Having 2 doesn't mean either will be around in your dotage or provide loads of grandchildren.
I am an only child: when my DF was dying I did wonder if having a sibling would've been a support. After witnessing the carrying on when exfil was ill and dying (2 children: my ex and his dB) I was glad I was an only!
Not very helpful I realise: any logical reason for can be countered against.
Only as a couple can you really decide if you're a completed family or not.

Three more reasons:

If you really want another child and he won't agree to it, it could break your relationship. Difficult thing to explain tactfully, but I have seen it happen.

There will be another amazing person for your dp to love.

It is much easier and more fun the second time around.

"Having a second child doesn't mean the siblings will be close or even get along when they are adults."

Of course it doesn't Lucybabs and that point has been made. But it at least gives you a chance. You are literally guaranteeing your child no relationships with their siblings if you don't make any siblings for them! At least they have a shot at it.

You also say you are from a family of 6 as if that strengthens your argument. But I don't think it's unheard of for large families like that to have complex sibling relations. My mother was also from a family of 6 and lots of them have fallen out as well. It creates factions and the distance between the eldest and youngest siblings can be difficult to bridge.

My son absolutely loves having a little sister, they share everything and it makes the family more balanced, two of them two of us. I nearly couldn't have two kids so for me I just feel grateful I have the opportunity but I absolutely understand that for many people one is the right number and it's a personal choice.

I'm just coming back to this thread now. deadgood I know many large families who get along great. I mentioned my family as an example of a family who don't. The same can be said for a small family who can't stand each other. Many people give examples of dc who are best friends and the parents are happy they had a second or third dc. My point was I had a second dc because I was broody and i wanted a second dc. Yes I thought a sibling would be good for my dd but having more dc shouldn't just be to keep an existing dc company..