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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think friend is out of order.

81 replies

Babydontcry · 26/09/2016 22:23

Got a call last night from close friend asking for my mums phone number as she had bumped into her and my stepdad in the pub and my mum had left her purse. So far sounds like they had a merry night and my mum was lucky after getting forgetful.

Fast forward this morning my friend text saying she'd borrowed some money off my mum but said it was complicated and wanted to talk on the phone. Apparently her relative went into my mums not her purse to buy a round of drinks! Is this theft? It wasn't agreed and if it was accidental as she said she would take the money from her purse and put it in my mums.

OP posts:

JustSpeakSense · 27/09/2016 09:19

I think it's wrong and cheeky of them to help themselves to money from your mums purse (I don't think it was an accident I think they realised they didn't have enough for another round so cheekily helped themselves)

But, they are doing the right thing by returning the purse, so that is a good thing. They could easily have kept it or just left it in the pub. And also owning up about the money taken, so somehow they are attempting to be honest in a round about way

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 09:31

I think JustSpeakSense has got it.

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 09:33

Btw op I didn't mean to sound accusative of your friend or anything, sorry if it came across that way. I would just be a bit hacked off if it was me if I'm being completely honest, and if I had made the purse mistake I would have replaced he money before giving it back.

trafalgargal · 27/09/2016 09:34

Where do people get off stirring by claiming they are sure it was deliberate .......if it was then why did they go to the effort of contacting her. She was pissed so wouldn't have had a clue so if it was a deliberately dishonest act they'd have kept quiet rather than sorting it out the same night.
I always think when people always assume the worst of others it usually means that's how they would have acted in the same situation and says more about them.

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 09:37

trafa I think it's more not understanding why they didn't just rectify the problem as soon as they realised before giving it back. It seems like maybe they expect to not pay it back so it's a kind of payment for them returning the purse or something! And fwiw I have found other people's wallets/ bags of strangers before and handed them in without taking things out. I'm not a thief just because I think the situation sounds a bit off

trafalgargal · 27/09/2016 09:39

Oh and going back to the OP .....no it isn't theft. The legal definition of theft is the intention to permanently deprive the victim of their property. Nothing in your post suggests that was the case.

trafalgargal · 27/09/2016 09:47

Moz they had spent it.....they were all pissed Mum, friend, friend's relatives, step dad. If they were sober none of this carelessness would have happened. Drink makes people stupid, but if they are basically honest people they are honest drunk or sober.......which was why friend sorted the situation as best she could the same night including arranging to pay the money back. Ideally the money would have gone back the same night but if she didn't have it, she didn't have it ........and for all we know the Mum said "don't leave yourself short pay me on payday". OP is all outraged but hasn't mentioned how her Mum or step dad have reacted .....and it's their money and their issue not hers.

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 09:50

traf ok I see what your saying. It's hard to put myself in the mum/op's shoes!

Op is there something you're not telling us, does your friend have form for this or something maybe?

trafalgargal · 27/09/2016 09:50

I'm actually not sure why the OP is inserting herself into a situation that she wasn't there for. Her Mum and her friend are both adults and seem to have sorted it out and aren't bothered or upset. (Or if Mum is upset OP hasn't mentioned it). The only drama seems to be of her creation.

trafalgargal · 27/09/2016 09:59

Moz have you ever picked up someone else's jacket or similar thinking it's yours , or your kids come home with another child's PE kit. To me this incident is more like this than your example of finding a wallet.

I think the friend is in a good light that she the same night called the OP to get Her Mum's number to put things right ........if she was dishonest why would she do that (especially if she knows the OP can be a little on the judgemental side)

On the grounds of probability it doesn't sound there was any dishonesty just carelessness (by Mum not looking after her purse and by the relative who took the money from the wrong purse .....remember the friend didn't take the money her only involvement was trying to fix the situation )

WomensNet · 27/09/2016 10:11

Hmm ...money.
Throws up all kinds of different conundrums.

Original poster

Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 10:14

Traf, they bumped into each other rather than being on an arranged night out and my involvement is because she made an issue of wanting to phone me and tell me. I do really appreciate Her finding my mums purse, I don't intend on having a go at my mum because as you wisely point out we all make mistakes. My mum isn't upset but seemed suspicious that she would not get it back. My friend does have a habit of borrowing money and not paying it back.

OP posts:

Original poster

Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 10:20

I understand mistakes happen but struggled to understand why you wouldn't immediately rectify it when realised, but it maybe that she didn't realise until after spending it all.

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 27/09/2016 10:22

To be honest, it sounds to me like somebody in the party found your mothers purse and intended to take anything of worth and dump the purse. I suspect your friend rescued the purse off them but doesn't want to be the 'grass' so is paying your mother back out of her own pocket when she can't really afford it.

Whatever happened your friend has been honest and went out of her way to give it back to your mother and account for the money. It would have been very easy for her just to say there was no money when she found it and that it must have been pinched and blame your mother's carelessness.

It sounds like you have a very honest friend there, I really wouldn't fall out over this.

Original poster

Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 10:24

And tra I'm not a thief, I just felt the situation was a bit off.

OP posts:

Original poster

Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 10:25

Your right bill I don't plan to fall out.

OP posts:

AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 10:44

I always think when people always assume the worst of others it usually means that's how they would have acted in the same situation and says more about them.

This. How you judge a person says a lot about how you judge yourself. It's a very basic principle of psychology.

So, with the same principle, if you judge someone positively you will feel much more positive about yourself too. It's just a better way to live life.

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 10:50

Yes. Because I'm a cynical character I MUST be a thief. Ffs sofa psychology.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 10:52

No you've completely taken the negative out of my comment, when really I was hoping to encourage you to see the positive and enjoy the benefits of that.

I don't think you are a theif. But you do sound very cynical and a bit angry.

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 10:53

Angry?! Ok

AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 10:54

Of course, I can imagine you are quite worked up that not everyone sees the world so cynically. You probably think that makes them foolish, and that your cynicism protects you. But it doesn't protect you, it impairs your enjoyment of life.

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 10:56

Right... Ok. You're odd.

Original poster

Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 11:00

I Don't think Moz was being angry, she even apologised if she seemed accusatory to my friend.

OP posts:

Original poster

Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 11:02

Anything I believe in being positive but I'm also a realist. I also don't agree with this idea that your interpretation reflects how you would handle a situation, personally it reflects my previous experience of people.

OP posts:

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 11:02

Thanks Baby, it seems anything is capable of making sweeping statements about my life and personality without actually knowing me. What a genius

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