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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend is out of order.

81 replies

Babydontcry · 26/09/2016 22:23

Got a call last night from close friend asking for my mums phone number as she had bumped into her and my stepdad in the pub and my mum had left her purse. So far sounds like they had a merry night and my mum was lucky after getting forgetful.

Fast forward this morning my friend text saying she'd borrowed some money off my mum but said it was complicated and wanted to talk on the phone. Apparently her relative went into my mums not her purse to buy a round of drinks! Is this theft? It wasn't agreed and if it was accidental as she said she would take the money from her purse and put it in my mums.

OP posts:
Mozfan1 · 26/09/2016 23:09

I'm with you aye, I think it's dodgy. It's not borrowing if you don't actually ask and you just dip into someone's purse. Accidents happen, this doesn't sound like one.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 26/09/2016 23:11

What I don't understand is if there are two ways to see it, one good one bad, and the friend has no history of indiscretions, why are you so willing to jump right away to a negative conclusion ?

SquawkFish · 26/09/2016 23:15

AnythingMcAnythingface That's what i was thinking.

And also, why when there are plausible scenarios given that demonstrate it may have not been malicious is the OP going with suggestions that make it sound dodgy.

Why have a friend that you think is scheming, dishonest and deceitful? And why portray a friend like that if you don't think that is what they are? That's the other bit I don't understand.

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 26/09/2016 23:36

How much was spent? Did your mum have her wage packet in the purse or was it £10? I am only asking as £10 they can replace it easier, but if they went wild and spent over a £100 then that sounds like they completely went over the top

ayeokthen · 26/09/2016 23:36

Mozfan1 I honestly can't see why it wasn't just put back, no harm done, no need to mention it. It's a pisstake IMO.

Mozfan1 · 27/09/2016 05:45

Anything I'm jumping to the negative because I wouldn't expect friends to take things out of my mums purse and then not replace it. The initial confusion over the purse I get, but once you had realised the cock up they should have replaced the money without even saying anything. Cringy!

DeathStare · 27/09/2016 06:08

I can understand the money not being replaced straight away. It might not have even come out until days later.

Friend says to relative "take the money out of my purse" in the pub. Relative gets the wrong purse and takes the money out of your mum's purse. Nobody notices. Especially seeing as they're all a bit merry.

Days later relative sees friend again and sees her get her purse out for something, says "oh you've got a new purse". Friend says "no. Same one you saw the other night". Relative says "no. You had a green one the other night. I took your money out of a green purse". Friend says "OMG.... that was my friend's mum's purse"

Matilda11 · 27/09/2016 06:45

I agree with Anything, innocent mistake she has owned up to.

Original poster
Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 07:47

It all came out the same evening, she dropped the purse off on her way home.

OP posts:
AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 07:47

Some people on this thread have obviously never lived 'hand to mouth'. With no back up fund for situations like an accidental overspend (Even £5-£20). Some people do. Some people have to.

Maybe you would prefer she should have got herself into a mess with payday loans to avoid any question about her integrity?

MoreCoffeeNow · 27/09/2016 07:48

Did she say when she would repay your mum? It sounds dodgy to me, your poor mum.

Original poster
Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 07:49

Pink and blue it was £15

OP posts:
Original poster
Babydontcry · 27/09/2016 07:51

Of course I wouldn't want her to get into trouble, but at the sometime she doesn't know how the loss of money would affect my mum. As far as I'm aware she's made no plans to pay it back.

OP posts:
AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 07:54

The definition of borrow is that you will return it.
Otherwise she just took it.
Your op said she borrowed it.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 07:57

Friday is end of the month so weekly and monthly pay comes in... If she doesn't show up with the money by then, I'd start questioning her.

But maybe just give your friend the benefit of the doubt for the week. It's not good for anyone to sit seething about things, and if it all comes good you've wasted all that negative emotion.

Rubies12345 · 27/09/2016 08:17

Your mum is lucky the purse is being returned... You can't accuse someone of theft on an item you left behind whilst "merry".

Yes you can, it's theft by finding

witsender · 27/09/2016 08:18

Surely if she is living that hand to mouth she would have budgeted the night out, so would have the money to put back? They would notice the £15 extra?

There is an assumption here that the wallet was left on table, relative went into it etc. I suspect they ran out of cash, having had a few drinks thought they would borrow off your mum. If it was as simple as the assumption above she would have said...not done the 'its complicated' thing.

I think it is cheeky...but alcohol makes really bad ideas seem like good ones sometimes.

AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 08:20

"A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it"

AnythingMcAnythingface · 27/09/2016 08:25

There are two ways to live life, and especially to view this situation. But there will always be negative victims and positive, optimistic people.

The latter doesn't mean you get walked over by the way, you just control your emotions and act in a rational manner.

Ask your friend when she'll be paying it back if you really want to know.

Selfimproved · 27/09/2016 08:32

Her relative took the money and you says your friend returned it on the night with an explanation and saying the money would be returned.
If it was one of my good friends I wouldn't think twice about this. I think this scenario shows that you dont consider this person a good friend - just an acquaintance.
Wait till Friday, ask for the money. If you don't get it, end the friendship.

ColourfullyWonderful · 27/09/2016 08:44

I really don't see the issue tbh. In a state of drunkenness money is taken from wrong purse, their own money is spent on further drunkenness, they realise after all their money is gone that they took money from wrong purse and now cannot replace it - and immediately upon realising own up to that fact .... How is there anything 'dodgy' about that.

They could of lied and said they stopped someone else taking the purse but that they found it ransacked. They could of left it there In the pub and pretending not to have noticed. They could of just took it back and not acknowledged any missing money at all. They could have continued spending what was in the purse and tossed the evidence.

Your friend has done nothing wrong here .. Its not as simple as "well if she budgeted for a night out she must have x behind she can give back straight away" .... I sometimes budget for a night our knowing that it will leave me without a single penny until x or y day but I know I get paid £££ then so it is fine ....your friend has acknowledged that the money needs to be paid back and tbh your mother needs to be more careful with her possessions in future! If not having access to that £15 is really going to cause her to that skint then imagine how much worse it would be had she not had her cards / other cash / bus pass etc. God knows what else returned to her.

ColourfullyWonderful · 27/09/2016 08:46

P.S your friend being on a budget is not evidence that she's done it on purpose either as how would she / the other relative have knowledge of exactly what cash the other had unless they sat down after every round of drinks and said "well that cost x so I have y left"

Catsick36 · 27/09/2016 08:52

Maybe your mum should view it as a cheap reward for getting her purse back with minimal grief and write it off. I gave a young lad £15 for returning my purse with everything in it still. I was That grateful.

HermioneJeanGranger · 27/09/2016 08:57

Why are you so quick to assume deliberate theft, as opposed to "drunken mistake"? If this woman is your friend and has never knowingly stolen before, why do you assume she'll start by stealing from your mum and then admitting it to you?

It doesn't make sense.

trafalgargal · 27/09/2016 09:09

Well YOU are ruffled and quick to think the worst of your friend but what is your Mum's opinion on this?
Does she accept she was pissed and didn't look after her own property .
It sounds like anyone could have picked up her purse , instead of attacking your friend who hasn't tried to cover anything up and tried to resolve the situation quickly (but clearly didn't have the money so made an arrangement with your Mum ) you should be ripping into your Mum for her carelessness and drunkeness. Naturally as someone who has never made a mistake yourself either drunk or sober you are in the perfect situation to take the higher moral ground. I can't imagine why your Mum would socialise with your friend but didn't invite you along with your kind and easy going nature.