To wonder if it's ever acceptable to invite yourself a long somewhere?

[Runny]

Say if you hear a group of people you know, chatting about going to an event that you'd like to go to, is it ever acceptable to say 'hey, can I come along?'. Would that sound desperate/cheeky/rude? Obviously I'm talking about a public event here, not a private party or function.

I nearly did this on Saturday but stopped myself at the last minute. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn't want to put them on the spot.

Agree that you could drop a subtle hint like, "oh I've been meaning to go see that, haven't found the time yet", and they will let you know very quickly whether you're invited, probably by ignoring your comment, or suggesting you go "some time". Don't push it.

I knew someone who would invite herself along to things all the time. She would ask what my plans were for the weekend, I'd say, and she'd just ask to come. She was really pushy too, sulking if she wasn't included in things I did with my old friends.

Once I invited her to a party and she even went so far as to ask if she could have the party at her house. "It would still be your party, just at my house".

I am no longer friends with her.

And am amazed that people think it's rude to discuss plans within the hearing of someone and yet if that person asks themselves along, then that's acceptable

Sounds like she made you a priority but you made her an option. In a way you saved her from herself by cutting off the friendship. I hope she has made some true friends now.

I can think of instances where I wouldn't invite someone but would be happy for them to ask to come:

• people who have been invited to stuff in the past but never came, so I stopped asking. But if this particular thing tickled their fancy that would be fine with me.

• people I assumed wouldn't be interested in coming eg because have young kids which stop them getting out/ don't seem like the type to be interested in said event etc etc. I'd be happy to be proved wrong in this case.

Surely it is nice to be kind to people and include people in stuff if they show signs of wanting to be included, even if it means making a bit of extra effort to get to know them or help them feel comfortable. Of course this only applies when the (non)invitee is a reasonable and nice person themselves! And very different for something commonplace/short than for a special event or long commitment/holiday!

It's nice to be kind but not at your own expense if you don't want to spend that time with them.