To wonder if it's ever acceptable to invite yourself a long somewhere?

[Runny]

Say if you hear a group of people you know, chatting about going to an event that you'd like to go to, is it ever acceptable to say 'hey, can I come along?'. Would that sound desperate/cheeky/rude? Obviously I'm talking about a public event here, not a private party or function.

I nearly did this on Saturday but stopped myself at the last minute. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn't want to put them on the spot.

How about "I'd love to go to X. If you're going again, please do let me know". If they mumble, you can pretend you already have plans for the day they ate going. If they want you to come, they will ask what you're doing this time. Agree it's tricky, though!

Actually I don't think dropping a hint is rude. I have a colleague at work I really like and would like to invite her out sometime. However she is one of those really popular people and I worry that if I ask her and she doesn't want to go somewhere with me it would be really embarassing.
So if she dropped a hint I would be really pleased.

I don't think anyone needs a 'fair reason' why they don't want someone to come along. You invite the people that you want to attend, if anyone else wants to go, then that's tough. What if the person inviting themselves along isn't particularly liked? Presumably the original people have to either tell them the truth or make up some bullshit.

Anyone who invites themselves to something and is told they can come is deluding themselves if they think the original people actually want them to come.

'Oh I really wanted to go to that but none of my friends are into it' might prompt them to invite you along? I don't know if I would be able to say it but sometimes you just have to throw yourself in the deep end and hope you float.

Anyone who invites themselves to something and is told they can come is deluding themselves if they think the original people actually want them to come.

That's quite a sweeping statement, while this may sometimes be the case, I'll respectfully disagree that this is always the case.

I think it's appalling manners to put someone in that situation. And do you not have pride? People will feel obligated to let you come and that spoils the event for them

Just because you label it appalling doesn't mean your opinion trumps everyone else's. You think it's rude, which is fine, so you don't do it.
I think it's confident, and confidence is attractive so I would encourage op to do it.

More like cockiness!

Why wouldn't they invite OP if they wanted her to come though?

Surely it's as simple as inviting those you want to come. But if the OP is happy to risk being invited as some kind of duty after she's asked herself along, and potentially pissing everyone else off, that's fine. People just won't speak about anything near her again.

And I know people who do this. You can have a private conversation and someone across the room pipes up 'oh what's that? Are you going out'

You have to say where you are going

They say 'oh can I come'

And you feel obliged to say yes.

Then spend the event being pissed off that some cheeky cow has invited herself along

And if that is the case she has lost nothing.

But if she takes the risk and it works and then they start including her in invites she has gained lots

Ops situation isn't the one you are describing though

She has lost nothing but it's not necessarily fun for the rest of the people.

Those who are thick skinned enough to do something that crass also don't get the hint that they aren't wanted, ime

I wouldn't waste my life worrying about something someone else might or might not be thinking.

Nor me - but I wouldn't invite myself somewhere that I blatantly wasn't wanted either. But then I understand that some people ARE crass and bad mannered

Of course they are. But that doesn't mean you bully and blatantly exclude them.

Op didn't sound crass to me. I think it might have played out quite well if she'd ventured an interest.

I've had it from both sides. A friend has family living abroad and asked if we'd like to go with them to visit for a holiday. She then said that we'd share the costs and the driving, but they'd stay with their family and we could do our own thing while we were there. Basically they were looking to cut the cost of getting there. Another time we booked an apartment in Portugal and my H's sister decided she'd come along, despite me going mad to H. We paid for everything and she gave us a tenner a day for her share of the bills. That was three meals a day and all her booze!!!

Bullying? Because you don't actively invite someone? Way to overreact.....

My god why is everyone so worried and scared of the word bullying!?

Just say "Oh that sounds amazing, I've always really wanted to go there, more than anything in the world" then stare at them hard, without blinking.

Because it belittles the actual act of bullying to throw the word out over something like that

Just say "Oh that sounds amazing, I've always really wanted to go there, more than anything in the world" then stare at them hard, without blinking.

And if they say nothing or carry on with their conversation you look quite the twat

I think it's terribly bad manners to discuss events in front of someone who isn't involved. The gymnastics mothers do this often and while I'd politely reject any invitation (they're insufferable fur coat no knickers bores), I find their planning and discussing guest lists to their events when others sitting with them aren't invited to be extremely rude.

I don't think I could invite myself along to an event I heard others talk about unless I was really quite close with them and knew it would be busy enough that I wouldn't be getting in the way.

Will never forget the time 4 of us from work booked a holiday together when we were young and single. We talked about it often at work and had to book a 3 and a 2 bed rooms. We were all quite happy with the arrangement and another girl fell out with her long time boyfriend and invited herself along. None of us wanted her to go but none of us had the heart to say no either.
I think it's ok to show an interest as long as you don't openly invite yourself and leave people in a position where they have no choice other than you to come along.
Another friend of mine is always inviting others along and often you agree to say go to the cinema with her and when you get there someone else is there with niether of us knowing someone else is invited. Sometimes it works and sometimes it's quite awkward.

I wouldn't. Purely because unless they were good friends I wouldn't know if they genuinely wanted me there or felt they had to agree.

I'd probably say the whole 'wow, sounds very cool. ' if I wanted someone coming and they said that I'd seize the opportunity to invite. If I didn't I'd just say 'yes can't wait'