To ask why you chose a particular parenting style and if it has worked for you?

[malificent7]

Especially the style you chose for a new born.

I chose attachment parenting for dd as my best friend did it for hers and lent me a cosleeping handbook. I liked the theory behind it and in any case it suited my circumstances as I was sharing a room with dd and was single. I did the whole cosleeping, bf on demand approach. I can't say I did much baby wearing though as I had an emergency cs and it was too painful to use a sling.
I found breast feeding really tough and boring and I sacrificed a lot to do it but I did it for 2 years as got used to it and wanted to forge a strong bond with dd.

Has it paid off? Hmmmm. The theory behind attachment parenting is that if your child forms a secure attachment with you then they will naturally gain confidence and independence early on. In fact dd is still very clingy, hates being baby sat, goes to sleep alone but still comes into my bed at 8 etc and is scared of the dark. I would go so far as to say that she has attachment issues.

This might be the result of me becoming quite shouty once dd became more defiant during the terrible twos. My mum was dying with cancer at the time and I had little head space to reinforce any sharing etiquette at play group (DD still hates to share.)
I am much more authoritarian now than I ever thought I would be as I have no time in my schedule to reason with dd over every single little detail. I'm much more 'because I said so' than I want to be and I have far less patient than I would like.

Basically I have lost my way as a parent and I have no idea if I was right doing the attachment parenting thing.

I am not a complete cow and I still give dd lots of love and hugs, I take her on lovely days out and let her play with her friends. I try to protect her. but at the same time I crave personal space and hate clinginess...agggrr!

I had very clear ideas of how I wanted to parent.

I wanted to be a gentle, play orientated mum, I wanted to baby wear, would never let my child CIO and would exclusively BF.

I would never use words like naughty, smack, have a naughty step or give junk food of any kind. Screens would be an absolute no and I wouldn't buy toys gifts or food as pacifier.

I became so fearful of getting it wrong and doing the above ^^ and fucking DD up that I was immobilised with anxiety at times.

3 years on I have chilled the fuck out. I stopped listening to a whole lot of stuff that I was being told I should/shouldn't be doing and ride the roller coaster that is parenting my own way. I have shouted, used a naughty step and give into fruit shoot.

You know what though? Now I'm not a ball of anxiety and comparison to other parents there is loads more room for the important stuff. Love and playing basically.

Parenting is a bit emperors new clothes I think. When you stop adopting some parenting persona you start being a parent.

If I get locked into a loop of frustration with dd I google or come on here. Janet Lansbury is great I think, great for us.

Dd is a happy child, we are happy. Some people would be shocked at what I do, I.e stick her on a high stool and let her chop vegetables. Let her play out anxiety to the point that we have made a life size skeleton out of cardboard and talk about death, or let her play games on my phone for an hour in the morning because I need a lie in, or let her have two ice creams.

She is happy, respectful confident and very loved. I couldn't give a toss about what some expert says I should or shouldn't do. Loving, conscious playful and happy authentic parenting with real humans is what kids need to be secure and happy

My dd (8) can be very cuddly clingy. I have a dh if I didn't I think I'd feel like you. Dd does lots of clubs and after school activities. This has helped loads. Dd horse rides and we stay at least 2 hours, her lesson lasts an hour. Things like this really help as she goes off with the older girls and grooms the horses, puts tack away etc.

Im chronically ill and I have no energy to put her to bed. So she sleeps with me. She didn't until we were burgled and the guy came in the bedroom and dh was out. It's now become habit and I'm still nervous. I go to bed the same time as her and use the early mornings for me time.

We talk a lot. I explain a lot. I di sometimes need to tell her to back off and not explain everything. We have always been very in tune and close. We created an incredible bond at birth. Something I wanted very much to do because my childhood was scary and unhappy. I never felt the breast feeding was a sacrifice. I did put her in a routine at around 8 weeks because I needed one as her sleep wake cycles didn't settle as a baby and neither she nor I were coping and she thrived on it. I praise loads and do remove privileges for poor behaviour.

I mostly do it from instinct/gut feeling, with some help from the internet, though I did watch some parenting programmes while I was pregnant first time round.

I guess my key things are safety, stability and consistency (as far as possible), love and kindness, collaborative rather than authoritarian, and being rather laissez-faire rather than helicopter.

My parenting style changes all the time.

I co slept with Dd, ds (even as a new born) wouldn't settle in our bed so didn't.

Both kids are different, each day is different, situations are different.

Mum was a shouter, I try not to be. I fail sometimes and shout.

The one thing I have always done, is being honest. Ds is 12, I often tell her that parenting isn't easy, that I won't always get it right. But I am trying my best and everything I do because, at the time, I genuinely think it's best for her. Not to be an arse.

If I mess up I also admit it. My mum would never admit she made a wrong decision, even if it was clear that she did. She firmly believe that as a mother whatever she did was right (even if it was wrong) and kids have to accept it.

I also discuss with Dd why I make certain decisions. Not all of them. But ones that impact her. I involve her my thinking process and let her have her say. Sometimes I over rule it, sometimes her point of view is more sensible than mine.

When we applied for secondary school, we looked at them and discussed the pros and cons with her. The school I wanted went at to top of the list and her choice went second. Because we talked about it and she listened to my point of view about what the school could offer and accepted it was the best school for her. But I did listen and let her put the school she wanted as second as she had good arguments for that too. I would have put it right at the bottom without her input. But she has considered things I had missed.

Dunno. Looking back we have been very AP, gentle parenting led. It works for us. Remember how they deal with separation is in part down to their personality...not just parenting. One of mine is happy in groups etc and one isn't, they've both been 'parented' the same.

They're both polite (age appropriately so of course ), kind, fun little people. I'm sure they would have been had we 'parented' differently, but this was suits us best.

We home ed now, which some would see as an extension of that parenting style I guess.

I had my first baby 24 years ago so pre internet days. I was a fairly strict, by today's standards, parent. We had one unbreakable rule which was 'treat others as you would like to be treated'. As little babies I had a very gentle routine but with built in flexibility for each individual child.
I found as they got older I could relax a bit as they knew where the boundaries of acceptable behaviour were. They always knew they could talk to us about anything but there was sometimes an inappropriate place to start a conversation.
They seem to have grown up polite, confident young people who don't seem to averse to the company of their aged parents.