AIBU to want to live near my family..

[MoonStar07]

We live in a great area. Brilliant schools and our house is fantastic. I'm a SAHM. I have two small DC one is now school age. But my DH works long hours often comes home and is back on his laptop. I have an OK social life usual baby groups and trips to cinema. When growing up my fondest memories were times spent as a child with my cousins and extended family. I specifically rememebr saying this at my NCT group and the group leader indicating the reason she had asked us for our fondest memories was because we should look to recreate similar memories for our babies. I really took that to heart maybe because we live 2.5 hours from
My family. My husband's family namely my inlaws live 10 mins away. My FIL isn't very paternal and my MIL has a long of personal responsibility her own daughters kids and an ageing mother. With the best will in the world she can't offer what I'm seeking is family/parents to drop by and see and to have some support with the kids. The thing is people would think we are being ridiculous leaving such great schools an amazing house just cos I want to be near my family. But although we don't openly discuss it my DH knows it's what I want but it seems like I'm being unreasonable cos on the outisde all is supposedly perfect. He works long hours. I just miss my family. AIBU ? Am I being silly. I feel like i would be throwing 'it' all away but what I want isn't here I want my family

I sooo feel your pain
My family lives in another country. I had to move when i got married.
I thought it will be fun visiting in the summer and them visiting every now and then.
What I didn't think of was the financials and that anyone who would like to visit will need a visa so not really up to me to say if they can come or not.
I was depressed after i had my 1st baby for 2 years i had lots of friends but it was not the same.
Now i love it here i still miss my family like hell and wish i can see them more but after i put the advantages vrs consequences of moving back home ii was convinced that its better to stay here for all of us.
We can't have everything we want unfortunately.

We're 5 hours away from both sides of our family so I understand. We're settled where we are with DH's work and our friends but we miss family. The way we get around it is to plan holidays around seeing family. We go away with DH's side for a week every summer so DD gets time playing with her cousins and seeing PIL. PIL also visit for a week each spring and again over New Year (both retired). I take DD away with my DPs for a week in the summer too plus they visit frequently (DM still works so uses holiday allowance for this). It takes a lot of effort on both sides. My DC won't grow up seeing family every week and I have little support day to day but they will grow up with good memories with their family.

Check that the cousins your DM DF have as 'siblings' are happy to have their space invaded by small DCs and DD.
Perhaps their DCs are older and they DGPs might be busy with their own lives.
You could be disappointed to move then find that everyone is busy with their own lives and have little time for you.
This is probably not the case but you need to ensure what you are imagining will actually be the case. Also your DCs are not small for long. Once teenagers your life will prob involve ferrying them here and there, not long chats with DGM.

It does sound as if you would be happier living nearer your family, and I can totally understand that - I'd be miserable if mine weren't near enough for easy visits.

As far as trying to recreate your happiest childhood memories goes though, maybe they are having their own happy times with their friends and current situation? I was thinking about this myself recently as I can't give my boys the exact things I loved from my own childhood because we don't have the massive tree-filled garden/quiet road to play out on etc etc but they have different experiences that I didn't e.g. visiting the playground after school every day with friends. When they grow up they won't think about theoretical happy times that they didn't experience, but will (hopefully!) look back fondly on the fun that they did have. A random analogy that occurred to me was I saved loads of my own childhood favourite books, which my children do sometimes look at or read, but their own real favourites that they love and return to again and again are totally different ones that they chose themselves. They might really love all sorts of things about your current set up (having you at home all day, particular friends or places nearby etc) that would change if you moved.

Anyway, I suppose what I am saying is that you need to think clearly about this based on your current circumstances and your own DC/DH rather than the rosy glow of childhood memories. Good luck!

I can sympathise with you OP, I am in a similar situation.
I have lived in South London for the past 20 years as I met my wife not long after moving here and she is from the area. We have 2 children aged 11 & 9
We live a few doors away from her dad and we have a good relationship with him. All sound good so far?
My family are 200 miles away, the only family we have up here is FIL and BIL& wife. We have a reasonable relationship with BIL but don’t see them that often, they are planning to move away in the next year.
FIL is on holiday for around 8 months of the year, so we don’t see much of him and when we do he is often busy. We asked him to have the kids for a weekend so we could get away and he has refused.
I would like to move closer to my own family, we would have a lot more support and a far better standard of living. Logically moving makes complete sense: More support, no mortgage, bigger house & money in the bank. Unfortunately I cannot see it ever happening as my wife is emotionally attached to where we currently live.

Don't assume that moving back to be near your own family would suddenly result in you having the idealised relationships you're describing. I think there are fewer of those very close extended family set-ups nowadays because life has moved on tremendously. Don't forget, although it might feel like going home to you, it will be leaving home (and a great one by the sounds of it) for your DC.

Life has moved on but a number of my mum's cousins are around and they all get together. Each weekend I am whatsapped pics of the get together a my siblings their better halves... Drinks meals! They do it so I can see them all. I find it painful. We FaceTime so I can get 'in' on the action. Friends are great. But not family

To be honest 2 and a half hour is not much i would go every other weekend and spend the night or at least once a month.
Then they will be used to u there on certain dates so the make sure its special

I'm overseas, 3,000 miles away from any family (mine and DH) and am in the process of relocating so we can be closer to family.
Sure, if we stayed here, we could continue to live in a lovely big house, in a nice area etc. a lot of people think we are nuts to give that up. But I just cannot shake the feeling that I need to be close to family and a big house will never make up for that. I want my kids to have a relationship with their grandparents, cousins etc.
So no, I do not think you are BU and in fact I totally empathize. Good luck with your decision!

2.5 hours is with two small children. Car journeys are not great!! Also it's about building a life for my kids to have grandparents in their lives.

You seem not to have considered though, that having extended family some distance away isn't some kind of 'poorer' existance, its just different from what you grew up with.
I grew up seeing my grandparents /cousins about 3 times a year. However when we saw them, they either stayed with us, or us with them, for a few days at a time. That can be a great joy, that you just don't get with local family. It's different but no a bad thing.

I also agree with others that you can create that 'seeing regularly' / 'popping in' culture with friends just as much as you can with family.

It does sound as if you are lonely though - understandably with the hours your dh is working. You (both) need to decide if you can resolve that with some really strong friendships, or if there is a way of your dh working fewer hours /prioritising regular time with you, because its no way to live long term.

I needed to go to doctors today. Turns out I'm low on. Few things in my bloods. I've got supplements vit D. Iron etc prescribed initial high dose on vit D hubby came home for 545pm. That hour made such a
Difference. I need that support really. I'm very tired. I've also contacted some mental health services to get some counselling. I'm on a waiting list.

I understand too. I do.

We live about 3 hours from my parents. Although I do love where we live and it has generally worked for us I really do regret the distance from my own parents. It has meant that I have often not been able to visit them anywhere near as regularly as I would have liked and they are in their eighties now.

All any of us can do is try to do the best by our own families, but sometimes there is just no middle ground and it really is soooo hard.