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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sleep with dd tonight and leave dh with no bedding?

76 replies

CatThiefKeith · 24/09/2016 19:52

I have a camper van, and last night we took dd (5) camping.

I loaded everything into it yesterday (whilst working from home) did both school runs, did dd's homework with her when she came in, and we set off at 5pm when dh finished work.

Camped fine, he made the fire, I cooked on it.

Got up this morning, I straightened the camper while he and dd played in the woods, I washed the plates/grill etc and then we came home as dd had a party at 11.

Deal was I did the party, he unloaded the van. Just noticed our duvet/pillows are not on the bed. Angry

In summary, his sole contribution was to make a fire and empty the fridge when we got back.

WIBU to go to bed and leave it? He is working tonight (DJ) so it will be a right arse to do at 3am but will be a good consequence for being a lazy bastard IMO.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 25/09/2016 01:59

But why is it acceptable? We both work full tine. He works weekend nights (doing something he loves) but I pick up all the slack with childcare etc,, and apend every weekend I with dd. Is it really so unreasonable to expect him to spend 20 mins tops to bring the stuff in from the van?

OP posts:
Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 25/09/2016 02:08

I've just read through And I'm not sure I've been clear.

I own the camper, dh was against me buying it so purchase, road tax and insurance etc is down to me, as is fuel.

Free night camping with his wife and dd, with the added bonus being he built a fire which he loved but fucked up and filled the bus with smoke In return for taking 1 duvet, 4 pillows and a few burgers indoors? 20 minutes work tops including the bloody fire in exchange for a free night away?

I think he's had a touch personally

OP posts:
GarlicMist · 25/09/2016 02:28

I shall bookmark this thread as an example of nasty, spiteful behaviour.

I am still laughing at this!

Bloody hell, muddle, you do live in fairyland don't you? Grin 😂 🐝

My keyboard doesn't have a fairy, but I thought a bee would do.

GreatFuckability · 25/09/2016 02:31

i'm gobsmacked anyone would think OP was in the wrong here. Jesus.

I'd be inclined to hide the bedding. and the rugs. thats how petty and spiteful i am.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 25/09/2016 02:36

he will be home soon. Perhaps I should nip out to the van and get the bedding, turn the heating on, warm the bedding on it and make a pot of tea in preparation for his eminences return to the home so as not to inconvenience the poor lamb Hmm

OP posts:
Showgirl109 · 25/09/2016 02:45

While I don't think your in the wrong op I do think keeping score is a terrible thing for a relationship, work as a team. I'm sure there are days when he picks up your slack. If not and he really doesn't help you LTB

GColdtimer · 25/09/2016 02:53

It's not keeping score. It was his job, let him do it when he gets in.

Bringmewineandcake · 25/09/2016 03:50

If he's anything like my DH he won't give a fuck about the missing bedding and will just crash out on the bed oblivious Angry
I'd have done the same as you CTK, and probably keep sleeping with DD until he bloody notices

WingsofNylon · 25/09/2016 08:25

So how did it turn out? I hope you left him to it.
This is off the point, but i'm not sure I understand how the camper is yours if you are married. Something that big is a shared asset surely?
runs away before getting flamed

DesolateWaist · 25/09/2016 08:38

i'm not sure I understand how the camper is yours if you are married.

I'm assuming that they keep their finances separate and they CTK has paid for the whole thing herself.

ClopySow · 25/09/2016 08:45

I shall bookmark this thread as an example of nasty, spiteful behaviour

Also still laughing.

Maddy/maddie is that you?

PacificDogwod · 25/09/2016 08:51

Perhaps I should nip out to the van and get the bedding, turn the heating on, warm the bedding on it and make a pot of tea in preparation for his eminences return to the home so as not to inconvenience the poor lamb

Cat, I trust you have seen sense and this is exactly what you have done and he has forgiven you even thinking what you have thunk on here. Tsk.

CakeNinja · 25/09/2016 08:52

Wings, my sil bought her camper van with her own money. They don't share finances.
Both put money in the bills account and whatever's left for each of them is for each of them.
Bil didn't want a camper. Thought it would be a bottomless money pit, would break down at inconvenient moments and would spend most of its life parked up.
She wanted one, she bought one.
He now happily travels about in it on holidays etc but it is most definitely hers.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 25/09/2016 08:52

Dh is fast asleep with the duvet over him so he must have got it out when he got in.

Re the camper: we share a family car, I have a camper and dh has his DJ van. I dont drive his van and he doesn't drive mine (because he's 11 years younger than me and pushes the insurance up)

OP posts:
Northernparent68 · 25/09/2016 08:55

Of course the op' s husband should have bought the bedding in, but can't the op just talk to her husband ?

These threads were people polt their revenge really disturb me, it is nt healthy behaviour.

Op, when you make a mistake do you expect your husband to talk to you, or '"teach you a lesson"

PacificDogwod · 25/09/2016 08:58

It was Cat's and her DD's bedtime well before her DH returned.

It is totally ingrained misogyny to just automatically expect her to have done what he had agreed to do. But then just didn't. Trusting that she would.
And she did not automatically play that game like I would have done.
Brava.

PacificDogwod · 25/09/2016 08:58

And what does it matter who holds the V5 for the camper van?! Confused

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 25/09/2016 09:02

Northern i wouldn't dream of laying on the sofa all day leaving dh to do the running about, taking our dd to parties and doing the weekly food shop, so the situation had never arisen.

OP posts:
skyyequake · 25/09/2016 09:07

I love how there's always people on these kind of threads who are willing to jump through hoops to defend mens peoples lazy behaviour by saying that the OP must be as bad, or is bad for being petty and not "just talking it through" like the OP would never have thought of that before and has clearly stated that this is a long term issue Hmm

Bravo for sticking it to him CatThief although it will probably go straight over his head Flowers

PacificDogwod · 25/09/2016 09:10

I would love to hear whether he noticed the point you are trying to make though, Cat?

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 25/09/2016 09:12

I will let you know when he gets up PD.

I doubt he got home much before 4am though so that might be a while.

OP posts:
ClopySow · 25/09/2016 09:19

Why should one grown up have to talk through basic grown up responsibilities with another grown up.

There are so many threads on here and every other forum, filled with women who are sick to the back teeth of their partners being seemingly incapable of seeing what's in front of their face. It's bullshit.

Comtesse · 25/09/2016 09:36

Hi OP the only unreasonable thing you did was asking "permission" from MN posters - why should you have to pick you the slack here? And it's not "spiteful" either.

Original poster
CatThiefKeith · 25/09/2016 09:48

Ugh. Glad I didn't sleep in there now. Just crept in for some clothes and it absolutely reeks of beer and beer farts.

Grim.

OP posts:
skyyequake · 25/09/2016 12:50

He sounds delightful CatThief! Confused

Are you happy with him in general? Or is it like this most days?