I don't know how to mother

[GeordieBadgers]

I'm a single mother of a 4 and 6 year old. I am the non-custodial parent meaning I only get my children once or twice a week. I suffer with anxiety, depression and borderline personality disorder.

I find having the children very stressful because I struggle to entertain them. I find parks and soft play boring but obviously I go regularly out of desperation.

I don't know many other parents with the same age of children as I don't do the school run.

I told my mental health worker that I found it hard to parent but she just asked me if I wanted social services involved (obviously not). All parenting classes in my local area are for babies and toddlers.

I am struggling and don't know what to do.

Theres a reason that Mary Poppins is FICTIONAL. A lot of us feel that we don't know what we're doing. I am a student social worker, but i dont really want to work with children and families for many of the reasons pps have mentioned. Also am not in the UK. But here are some questions that might help you:
Have you fed them breakfast, lunch and dinner today?
Have you washed them today?
Are they wearing suitable cleanish clothes that fit?
Are their teeth and hair brushed?
Did they sleep in a bed? If you have them overnight.

If you answered yes to those tthen you are already doing a great job of meeting your children's most basic physical needs.

Have you cuddled them? Kissed them?
Told them how much you love them?
Asked questions about school and nursery and listened to the answer?

I think it's a very good sign that you are asking for help. You said you found entertaining them stressful. Could you elaborate on why? You mentioned a children's center. Even if they can't help you you could ask if they could point you in the direction of someone who can.

Children don't need so much entertaining. Do you play witth them? If you find yourself not really knowing how to play with them then i would recommend reading playful parenting. It will give you some ideas. Honestly I think you parenting is probably absolutely fine, and it's the depression and anxiety talking.

I'm not a natural parent either and struggled. The parenting courses aren't just for pre-school and they may really help you. One of your children is at school if I was you I would ring up and ask to speak to the school counsellor and they may be able to help you access some services that would help you.

I had a lady come round my house and help me with all sorts of stuff and the school did the referral for me.

Yes yes and YES to what Bill has said.

But children's centre may well be able to help you, although I know in my area they are a bit hit and miss.

OP before you consider contacting social services, feel free to pm me and I will give you my personal experiences being involved with them as someone who had MH problems as a child. It has scarred me for life.

If you're feeling a bit isolated with the children and you're on Facebook, look to see if there is a 'Mums in . . . ' group for your area. Our local ones are really good and that way you might be able to meet up with other mums at the parks. Most parents find park visits to be boring, and they are much more bearable if you have other adults there to share the boredom with.

Personally, the toddler years were not my favourite, I'm liking doing stuff with my kids more now they're older, but it's true what previous posters have said, most of us are struggling but most just don't admit it in real life.

It's interesting that you say you struggle to entertain them. Are they complaining of being bored? If not, might they actually be quite content with what you're doing together, it's just that you are bored so assume they are too?