"the girls aren't naughty"

[TheSunnySide]

My son (Year 1) told me a story about something that happened in school and said it had to have been done by a certain boy because 'the girls aren't naughty'.

AIBU to think that there's something not right about perpetuating the idea that girls aren't naughty? Also the boy he mentioned seems to be scapegoated by the other children which worries me.

Last attempt to clarify

what I mean is. When I asked 'why do you think (insert boy's name) did it?' it would make more sense to me for him to respond with 'because (insert boy's name) is always doing naughty things' rather than 'because the girls aren't naughty'.

'The girls aren't naughty' implies that girls never do anything wrong and so every incident that happens is going to be the fault of a boy.

OP I fear you may be over-thinking this one. Maybe he just has very well behaved girls in his class and so that is his experience of school so far. I'm sure he'll experience plenty of "naughty" girls in his time to change this view!

'The girls aren't naughty' implies that girls never do anything wrong and so every incident that happens is going to be the fault of a boy.

Or he means in his class, the naughty pupils are boys.

They actually don't know which class the person who did it came from. Or if it was a boy or a girl.

I haven't taught him that girls aren't naughty so it seemed strange that is all.

Unfortunately this perception continues all the way through school. In DSs year at High School only 9% of the boys got an award for effort compared to 70% of the girls. According to DS, girls are often given the benefit of the doubt for displaying behaviour that gets boys disciplined. And school seem to think that any item of indiscipline = lack of effort. I'm not saying his perception is necessarily correct, but the stats aren't great and the fact that he and others have the perception is something that needs action regardless.

I should add that my son is within the 9% awarded so this isn't sour grapes.

I see what your saying. Something happened in girls toilet, girls are denying and the boy X is being blamed.
Everyone assumes it's him, despite probably more likely a girl due to the location but it's being assumed because they don't think the girls are naughty?

I would imagine your DS has picked up some of this from how it's been handled.

It's also dangerous to believe one child over another without proof - because then the kids pick up on who they can blame for their misdemeanours. It creates a sneaky atmosphere when some children are never held accountable for their behaviour.

Cuts the other way too with bad behaviour minimised because "boys will be boys" doesn't cut ice with me I know plenty of lovely boys.

Generally speaking when my kids were at primary school, the girls weren't naughty, just the boys. That is until puberty hit in high school then all hell let loose.

But at 5/6 I think it's common to automatically think of the people you know, in this case his class, rather than the bigger picture of a child in the whole school iyswim

I think it's more likely that girls tend to be "naughty" in different ways; to be blunt, they're often more under the radar. Give me a class full of "naughty" boys over a load of bitchy girls any day! And as an observation, if I took a count of the children outside my HT's office at lunchtimes for poor behaviour on the playground, I'm afraid it would be about 10:1 boys. Sorry.

I'm not sure why you're so keen to blame the teacher/school for this perceived sexism/bias. In my (extensive) experience, most come down on such things like a ton of bricks. And remember, children are in school for far fewer hours than they are at home. The major influences on their thinking come from home. You may well believe that that's not the case for you, but your ds is mixing all the time with children from a range of backgrounds. Schools do what they can to deal with these things, but it's very hard to eradicate.

My own experience, as a swimming teacher who has taught hundreds of children, is that, for whatever reason at this age, generally the boys are naughtier than the girls (obviously there are exceptions on both sides, but generally).
I think it's silly to pretend this isn't true.

Your son hasn't generalised, he has spoken only of the girls in his class whom he knows better than you do. You have gone over the top overanalysing his innocent observation.

Give me a class full of "naughty" boys over a load of bitchy girls any day

Are year 1 girls bitchy?

Not ime miss Potts.

All my teaching experience is with KS2 children, so a bit older than that. I suppose it manifests itself in different ways, according to age. As a broad generalisation, I would say that boys tend to fall out, punch each other and then forget about it, whereas with girls there tends to be deeper, possibly more insidious stuff going on, with fallings out and upset lasting for longer.

It's all very well saying that people shouldn't say boys are naughtier than girls, but if it is clear enough for a 5 year-old without an adult's preconceptions to see the divide, then it is probably true of his class. Yes it may be at least partly down to socialisation, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

I guess I can surmise that if my son says year one girls are bitchy then they are.

Have spoken to him. He is now saying it was the girls who did it probably 'because they forgot they are in year one now'.

Phew. Thank goodness for that. You've got him to blame the girls instead. Well done.

I haven't got him to say anything.

Fuck me. I have been here for years so it really shouldn't shock me anymore but it really DOES seem like a nest of vipers sometimes.

OP there is an element on here that demonise anything with a penis. It matters not a jot whether children are boys or girls, both sexes can be naughty. I've known sneaky boys and rambunctious girls so it's also not true that naughty girls are just quiet and sneaky about it whereas boys are always leery with it and therefore noticed more. Some people are just determined to always see the good or bad in either sex like some bizarre halo complex. At your sons age, perhaps the girls may be more socially developed and therefore come across quite mature and therefore seen as better behaved whereas the boys are slower to develop that aspect and can come across as more silly and younger.

Honestly, you are reading far too much in to this. He's in year 1, he's not a court reporter, and hardly going to be the most accurate judge of what truly happened with an incident that he wasn't even involved in. If I had a dollar for every time a parent came in my classroom with "Little Johnny said....." which bore no resemblance to reality, I could retire and live a life of luxury.

Aargh. It's not a worry or belief that he was reporting accurately or not. It was the opinion that girls are not naughty, which has not come from me and is a statement of opinion on his behalf rather than a fact. One I wondered about the origin of.

Op, there is a massive difference between what you reported your son as having said 'the girls (in my class) are not naughty', and what you are saying 'girls are not naughty'.
The former being true in his opinion, and the second being a false sweeping generalisation.
You are getting your knickers in a twist about something that wasn't said.

Naughty is a word that's used about both sexes, but I actually think the words that are used exclusively about girls tend to be a lot worse than those used exclusively about boys. Bitchy, bossy v boisterous, lovable rogue etc.
There was a thread recently about some boys at a sleepover behaving extremely bitchily to the host's son, but no one called it that as we are conditioned to only describe girl behaviour in that way.
I think as long as you make sure you point out to your son that not all boys are naughty (and not all girls are sneaky) etc he'll stop generalising in that way as he matures.