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To object to this party invitation

67 replies

Hayls · 05/02/2007 11:21

Ok so I'm not objecting so much as struggling to decide how I feel about this...

A friend of ours turns 30 next week and we received a party invitation from his girlfriend (who we've only met once as they only met recently). She's hired a room somewhere along with a band and catering and the invitation asks us to contribute towards the cost . She's also requested that we don't buy him presents but either JOhn LEwis or Amazon vouchers, which doesn't bother me although I hate people knowing how much I've spent.

OUr friend knows she's organising something but doesn't know any details or who's invited.

YOur thoughts please- is it normal to invite people to a party and ask them to pay for it?!

P.S Money just isn't an issue for this couple; it's not as if the party can't/ won't go ahead if we don't contribute.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 05/02/2007 11:23



VeniVidiVickiQV · 05/02/2007 11:24

How very bizarre!


McDreamy · 05/02/2007 11:24

I'm in the process of organising a surprise 40th for my husband and I have to say I wouldn't dream of asking for a contribution although one option is to go to dinner in his favourite restaurant where I couldn't afford to pay for everyones dinner and I was wondering if asking people to pay for their own meal would be unresonable!


donnie · 05/02/2007 11:25

I WOULD OBJECT! (sorry for capitals there!)

why does she not want presents ? is it so she can spend the vouchers herself perhaps?

don'th think I would go if money is no problem for them.


suzycreamcheese · 05/02/2007 11:25

very odd;
if they were asking for contributions but no gift then that would be alot better..

cheeky really


Cappuccino · 05/02/2007 11:26

you don't ask people to pay for a party


VioletBaudelaire · 05/02/2007 11:26

I'd be happy with a 'bring a bottle' request, but to be asked to chip in for the cost of the party is rude, IMO.
What do you plan to do?


maycontainstress · 05/02/2007 11:27


No, you don't ask the guests to pay for the party.

I would go to the party, make no contribution and buy whatever you want for your friend as a present. You've known him longer than she has and why on earth should you be 'told' what to get?

The cheek of the girl.


hunkermunker · 05/02/2007 11:28


Ask her for dinner and tell her you need your dining room redecorated - would she mind paying for your new table?


madmarchhare · 05/02/2007 11:29

I could sort of get it if they had no money and also said not to bother with a present, but other than that its a bit cheeky. Not sure what I would say though.


tubismybub · 05/02/2007 11:30

Very rude IMO. If you can't afford to pay for a party you go out for a meal where everyone pays for their own and you perhaps make the gesture of paying for wine for the table.

The vouchers wouldn't bother me at all though as atleast it will go to something he really wants and I love getting vouchers anyway.


Debbiethemum · 05/02/2007 11:31

I hate that sort of thing. If you can't afford to pay for a party don't throw one. But I don't object to splitting the bill in a restaurant for someones birthday party so a bit two-faced on this one.

Parties do not have to be expensive, one of the best ones I have been to was a picnic in the local park and we all played silly games & soaked up the sunshine. A bit difficult in the winter I must admit.

Also don't like asking for presents. Though it is sometimes very tempting, thinking of my ds's birthday and how nice it would be if everyone contributed to a large hot wheels set he is trying to save up for rather than masses of smaller presents.

Not that I am at all intolerant


Piffle · 05/02/2007 11:33

A good friend of ours got married civil reg office recently and we knew they had sod all so we took them out for a meal and a night out.
They specifically asked for no presents as they felt so bad not being able to offer catering and so forth.
So they got shedloads of vouchers and gifts

Why go to expense of band and catering if you are not prepared to pay for it?


ComeOVeneer · 05/02/2007 11:33

The voucher thing I see as a relief tbh as it saves you the hassle of trying to find a suitable present, plus perhaps he wants to save up for something big. The contribution to the party is just down right rude IMO.


Hayls · 05/02/2007 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mummytosteven · 05/02/2007 11:41

I think it's an utter cheek expecting a contribution to a party AND a very specific present. As others have said, if you can't afford a big do, there are more polite ways around it - going out for a meal, asking people to bring food/a bottle.


Hayls · 05/02/2007 12:05

This reply has been deleted

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dassie · 05/02/2007 12:05

I can understand bring a bottle or a cash bar but this is outrageous.

My dh had this recently where a mutual friend organised a surprise birthday dinner for another friend - only the men were invited so no partners (even the birthday boys fiancee), and then he was asked to contribute to a present.

My dh said paying for this guys dinner was enough! The thing that got me was that it wasn't even a big birthday - he was 27.


compo · 05/02/2007 12:07

oh my God, that is outrageous
I wonder if he knows what she's been asking people? he might be really embarassed when he finds out...


Marina · 05/02/2007 12:10

Is she trying to ensure she has him all to herself on the big day maybe
Agree with everyone else here - asking for payment for venue and band costs is really rude. Not so bothered about giving vouchers although normally expect that information to be given in response to a request for present ideas, rather than just being told


lulumama · 05/02/2007 12:13

urgh !! she is asking for people to pay for the party !! nope..not on IMHO !

don;t mind so much the request for a specific gift, because he might have seen a gadget or something he wants,

but to invite you to a party and ask for a contribution is not on.

if they can;t afford the party, scale it down , if they can , then pay for it !!

can someone have a quiet word with her before the event, so she doesn;t end up alienating everyone?


SNOWBall4girlz · 05/02/2007 12:23


vouchers yes -he might want a camera or something big better than lots of smaller things imo
but no to contributing to paying for the party think it is rude and cheeky and if she cannot afford a band then there should not be a band.
Is this something he would do?
How do you think he would feel knowing that his new girlfriend is asking his friends for money basically eeurgh my dh would freak out


marthamoo · 05/02/2007 12:24

How very unstylish.


Caligula · 05/02/2007 12:29


Is this the self-gratification generation gawn mad?


Really if you're going to throw a party you ought to pay for it yourself.

Bring a bottle is reasonable. Even in some cases, bring a bottle and a dish, if it's that sort of informal event. But pay for the event - LOL.


Hayls · 05/02/2007 12:32

I don't think he knows anything about it and don't think he'd ask for money (but then I'm useless at judging people).

We really don't know her at all; only met her 2 weeks ago and they met last summer. I therefore don't feel in a position to talk to her about it and we're not sure who else is actually going, to find out how they feel about it. I feel quite sorry for her in a way because we are a close group (don't see each other very often but when we do we go away for several days) and if people are unsettled by this it might affect how they feel about her and how she is 'absorbed' into the group.

Clearly she is relying on people bringing their own food and drink so if we don't take some then we'll have nothing to eat or drink so looks like we'll have to do that bit but I am going to refuse to contribute any money. THey both live alone in super high powered jobs and can genuinely afford it (more than us with giant mortgage and dd anyway!)
Thanks for your thoughts.

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