NC for this. Over the past 20 years I have been a Children's Social Worker, Children's Guardian, Foster Carer and am now an Adopter.
My experience of being a foster carer has not been very mixed. We've had some excellent professionals working with us, some incompetent/dangerous ones. When you get the incompetent/dangerous ones they create chaos and incredible stress for family life.
I understand completely the need for rules and regulations, looked after children are some of the most vulnerable in our society and the approach to their welfare must be 'belt and braces, I understood this at the outset. However I was not prepared for the distress and frustration caused by some professionals.
Recent examples:
When our child (then fostered) was approaching moving up to secondary school we had done a lot of research (spoken to parents, teachers, OFSTED reports etc, and spoken at length to our child with regard to her wishes). We were told by the SW (who had to fill the school application form in due to us not having PR) that she would consult with our child before deciding which school. She didn't hink we were capable of making the right choice apparently.
Our child has a brother with whom she has regular contact. Years ago the decision was made (by soc servs in conjunction with the police) that contact at each other's houses was a security risk so contact was to be in the community. Our SW took our child out one day. Child told SW she missed seeing her brother at his house. SW told my child that she would try and get the arrangement changed so she could go back to visiting her brother at his home. The SW did not relay this conversation with me or bother checking why the contact arrangements were as they were. I only found out because my child later relayed the conversation to me.
Our child had diagnosed disinhibited attachment disorder prior to the most recent SW being allocated. One of her worrying behaviours was being inappropriately familiar with strangers. Sitting on their knees, inviting them up to her bedroom within minutes of them entering our house. The SW, within 15 minutes of meeting us for the first time, asked our daughter to show them her bedroom. We had spent literally years with our daughter on appropriate boundaries.
During the adoption process our daughter had a meeting with the SW. Our daughter told the SW she would like to see her birth mum (no contact between daughter and birth mum due to birth mum dropping out of contact with no explanation 7 years earlier). The SW did not think it relevant for me to be told of this request. The only reason I was made aware of the conversation was that during the meeting a TA was present and heard the conversation. The TA asked the SW if she was planning on informing me of this conversation and the SW said not. The TA, fortunately, realised how hugely significant and potentially massive this conversation was and duly informed me.
As I said earler our daughter was diagnosed with DAT years ago but the new SW and new looked after nurse seemed to think our parenting was the cause of our daughter's emotional/social difficulties. They tried to force us to go to CAMHS (we'd attended CAMHS some years previoulsy at our own request, tht's where the diagnosis came from) and suggested she needed psychotherapy. We disagreed that this was the right course of action at that particular point and were made to feel, in no uncertain terms, that we were being obstructive and not putting our daughter's needs first. Looked after nurse, when challenged, admitted she had never worked with attachment disordered children before so did not have any prior experience of it.
Oh and said looked after nurse, at our first meeting, told me my parenting was too restrictive and setting our child up to fail because I had restrictions on her playing out re physically how far from the house she could play and was not to talk to strangers (as previously mentioned her behaviour around unknown adults made her extremely vulnerable.
Also, 9 years into placement we were suddenly told that no-one could stay at our house overnight, nor could we as a family stay anywhere overnight with our child unless everyone over 18 was DBS checked. I couldn't even let mu mum or any of my family take her to the park or be left in the house with her for 5 mins whilst I went to the shop. Everyone went through the process of DBS checks but no-one ever came back to us to confirm that we could have family staying or stay with them.
There are many other examples, I could go on all day. In and amongst this I was trying to raise a very vulnerable child with challenging behaviour and give her a normal family life. This was highly stressful in itself but the additional unnecessary interference in our lives, and the level of ridiculous policing and criticism of our parenting was just mind blowing
She's adopted now thank god and we no longer have to suffer this stressful nonsense. Due to our parenting style our daughter has overcome many of her behavioural and emotional difficulties. The art therapist currently working with her says she is an incredibly wise, emotionally intelligent child. Very happy, very settled and,she believes this is the the result of very high quality nurturance and care we have provided her with.
Would I advise anyone to foster now, not a chance. I love my daughter dearly and am incredibly proud of her achievements, but if I'd known what was to come I don't think I would have put myself through the process of fostering.