aibu to write this

[spashy]

hi i am avid lurker on mm. and for operational reasons i won't post what this man does because i don't want to be on the dailymail. (threads should be just that on a forum)

Background story i am single and i am 32. I had 2 loving parents and i love an older man (not sure why but i do:)) i recently attend but not often to this man who is an service professional.

He is very qualified in his job always behaves impeccable. In my view i think he is an absolute gentleman and always very polite etc.
I Was recommended by him through a friend. Who has since moved away but thought he did his okish.

We just talking about him by chance and i said that he so lovely, he makes feel at ease, could have really put on the charges, and we i see him out and about in the town area he always says hello first (even when i only met him briefly) and exchange pleasantries.
(NOTHING MORE !!!) She actually found that a bit strange and she never got more than a few words out of him. But agreed he is a nice man. This man i say is in his mid 50s at least.
To my knowledge he wore no Ring, no photos up in his office of a family, and not ever a mention. So i assumed he was one of those aloof bachelor types. Who is a very nice gentleman and recently had to attend to him a few times nothing really serious just a few enquirers and he was lovely.
We chatting about a few things just holiday type things i told him i was going abroad to south Africa and i was a bit panicky about it he told me he been there last year with friends.
and just enjoy. you love it and i did. for the last few times i think he just charged me the nominal amount. i had to see him this week and he was lovely so understanding and when i told him my worst fears on a case he said that he never let that happen.
He gave me the royal service. he gave me his full time and attention and even sought advice from his higher up friend and i was surprised to only pay the nominal charge i was expected double or triple the amount.

I came out with a buzz not sure why i relayed it to my friend who said that i think he has a shine for you. (but all through the time he behaved impeccable )

so out of curiosity i did a quick google and i was sad and i am not sure why but when i found out he was married . and i literally was like why i am sad of course a kind man like him with a good profession will be snapped up.
so i happened to notice his wife and omg like she was like me but at least 20 years plus older than me same curvy body type same hair same hair style same same eyes with sort of dress style .
i have big lips so has she

i like a nice dress and my nails and my sparkles i got my friend to google it and she noticed that yes she does look like you but older . it was weird it sort of lessen the blow. that she looked like me.

[LouisvilleLlama]

And YABU

[spashy]

of course that goes without saying i have no intention of doing anything to or to start anything. I have only found out that he is married however perhaps if he wasn't maybe i might have suggested a drink or something.
anyway i just going to keep our meetings polite and factual. but i think when i think about it more i do think how nice it was that it to feel like i mattered or something

[daisychain01]

I'd try to avoid thinking up scenarios that cannot become reality.

Just stay in the real world and keep reminding yourself he loves his wife and you're nothing to him, apart from being a paying client.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It is nice to feel valued and respected especially if that's not something you're getting from others. That's for sure. You have an intense crush on him. It happens. It will pass at some stage and you'll look back and feel a bit silly.

Do what you need to do to turn the feelings you have for him inward towards yourself. You're loveable and kind right?

[GillyMcFizzleSocks]

Reminded him of his wife in a younger carefree period? Seriously? I'm sure not all women grow into miserable harridans burdened down by life.

[LagunaBubbles]

i don't know maybe in a weird way i reminded him of his wife in a younger carefree period perhaps

In all seriousness OP you dont sound very well. You know nothing about his life and the people in it. You are still making assumptions and spinning a fantasy in your head.

If you need your accountant who is only doing his job to make you feel like you matter then you have psychological issues that a therapist could help you with. Or having a real relationship with a real partner, as opposed to a fantasy one.

[Chippednailvarnishing]

Reminded him of his wife in a younger carefree period

Before the creepy stalking started.

[MoonStar07]

Reading over this again my advice hasn't changed. I do think you're quite vunerable OP. I'm concerned for your welfare. This isn't reality. I don't know why or how you've got yourself in this mindset of creating this story around a meeting. He seems like a pleasant man and you lacking self esteem and self worth are spinning an unhealthy tale
In your head. I'm so so sure there is someone out there just for you but you really could do with speaking with someone to value yourself more and to build a real world around you. Your friend is ridiculous for helping perpetuate this fantasy

[Oogle]

I'm still trying to work out the point of this thread. You ask AIBU to write this. Write what?

[wasonthelist]

This thread is 1000% guaranteed to turn up in the Heil.

[RhiWrites]

Oh come on people.

She's asking AIBU to think there was more than just a professional relationship given that we chatted after the meetings, he often said there was no fee to pay after work and was very warm and nice to me but not to my friend.

She's confused now she's found out he's married and second guessing herself.

OP, maybe there was a spark but he's off the market so keep any future meetings professional (no staying on to chat) and find a club or social group where you can meet nice available men.

[yorkshapudding]

Reminded him of his wife in a younger carefree period

You are basing this on no credible evidence whatsoever. This is simply what you want to believe. You do not know this man except in a professional capacity (which means you really don't know the real him at all), you do not know his wife (despite the online stalking) and you know absolutely nothing about their marriage.

Crushes and fantasies are normal and usually just harmless fun, except when the person having the fantasy is unwilling/unable to accept that it is just that, a fantasy. Despite an overwhelming majority of posters all agreeing that you have read far too much into your interactions with this man, you don't seem to be hearing them.

I really, really think it would be best for you to find yourself another accountant.

[mycatstares]

How often do you go and see him?

Reminded him of his wife in a younger carefree period - please don't say that to him!! Very creepy and likely to offend as It implies you think his wife is old and dull.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

Actually, your OP reads rather worryingly. You say straight out you 'love an older man'. I hope this doesn't mean you feel you love this specific man, because he was honestly just doing his job.

Has something happened in your past relationships to cling onto a bit of male kindness? The fact you're looking him up for reasons beyond work (that is stalking), is very worrying. Mixed in with your fantasies about him, suggests you may need to talk to someone about what healthy boundaries are, that if someone is nice to you it does not always mean there's a 'spark' there, or he's giving you vibes of attraction. At the very least, stop all contact with this guy. Don't give yourself opportunity to get deeper into the fantasy, it could end badly.

[Buzzardbird]

If you look like his wife there is a good chance that you remind him of his daughter.

Now do you see how creepy your feelings towards him are?