AIBU?????

[LoveMyRs]

To get angry at my DD best friend's mum for not inviting my DD to her birthday???
My DD was crying all the way home as it looks like her friend invited everyone but her.
They are good friends and i was talking to the mum on Monday to arrange for a playdate and she didn't mention nothing.
I am surprised and angry how dare she???
The bd is at home and the girl said that she doesn't know why she didn't invite my dd.
I would understand if they have a limit no they can have at home but my dd is closer than some of the girls who were invited .

It sounds like a mix up.

I'm surprised your daughter only found out the party was happening today, the day of the party?
From my experience of 8 year old girls, an upcoming party is all they bloody talk about. (who's invited, what they're going to wear, music, food and on and on.)

Parents who use their children's birthday parties as a way to express any kind of issue are cunts. Simple as. It's evil and petty unless there is a genuine reason

She is BU because she got so angry over something that may have been a genuine mistake.
She doesn't know why the daughter wasn't invited yet. i t could have been that her daughter was invited, but for some reason the invite didn't get to DD/OP. The other parents might be writing a post on AIBU right now going "MY DDs best friend didn't come to her party, I didn't even get a "no thank you" from mum!"

Have a friend who is a teacher who hates the whole birthday party thing, she says it just crushes some kids emotionally and school are left picking up the pieces, she refuses to hand out invites now unless it's a whole class thing. I completely agree, only do whole class or nothing or something completely removed from school. People who minimise this really don't have a clue how much hurt/trouble can be caused esspecially as kids use invites as playground currency.

When my twins started reception my DS was invited to a boys party. My DD said she wanted to go. I explained that he was only inviting close friends and the the birthday boy was not someone she played with. A week later she came out of school waving an invitation. I was suspicious, 'Have you asked him to invite you'? She admitted she had asked him every day in all the playtimes and lunch and at hometime. I rang the mum and explained that my DD had worn down her son and I was sorry. The mum thought it was hilarious and said it was what she did with his Dad. She was really sweet about and said if DD had put that much effort in to getting invitation she should come along but sadly that result is a rarity.

No one wants to see their child upset and hurt. Of course you were angry, if as you said the girl came over to playdates and you are on speaking terms with the mum. I think some of the comments are a little harsh. Your eye may twitch a little but there seems little you can do now. You will just have to smile sweetly next time you see the mum and the girl and make sure not omit growling noises.

Agreed mrszc.

Read the other thread. YANBU to be upset.

Are you sure there was actually a party? I remember a lot of story telling and make-believe at school when I was that age. It is very odd that no party has been mentioned until the day it's happening, and that a girl's best friend hasn't been invited.

OP, it would be good for you to get some sort of closure on this. When you next see the mum, can you say something along the lines of, "Look, I hope I'm not being funny, but dd was a bit upset over not being invited to your dd's birthday party as she really loves spending time with her. I told her it may have been a mistake or there may have been another reason....?" And then shut up and see what the other mum says. It then gives her room to tell you the reason. You may be able to discern whether or not she is telling you the truth or giving you some b/s.

I saw the mum taking the girls home with her it was in a distance i would've said something if it was face to face maybe have fun and a smile
It wasn't a mistake she would ve said on Monday so see u on Monday

Yeah I think i just need to know why to feel in peace again

Just speak to the mum and ask what happened and if there is anything you need to know

Frenemies... I would be suspicious.

it's horrible op and as I posted some posters have been vile here to be honest. Maybe they have boys?

I had boys first and has none of this power play crap then had girls and luckily my girls were pretty robust ( older brothers saw to that) but the petty nasty power play between girls starts early and sadly, if this post is anything to go by, doesn't end for some people in adulthood. kicking the boot into a worried mum and taking the piss is nasty.

Don't let it get to you and bolster your dd.

wrappers fwiw I and I bet lots of nice mumsneters would be glad to ask you dd to a party love.

KC225 your dd sounds awesome

Love most twin Mums are quite happy to have their twins invited separately you needed feel guilty about that. It good to have the children considered as individuals not as a pair.

A couple of theories (based on my own DC)

1. Like a lot of 8 year old girls, your DD and bday girl argue and fall out a lot.When the party list was made they were in a "not talking to each other" phase (though probably made up the next day). hence DD didn't make the bday list. That explains why friend now can't explain why she didn't invite DD (she can't remember the spat).

1. DD considers bday girl to be her best friend, but bday girl just considers DD to be "one of a number". This happened to my DD - there was another girl "A" who really liked DD, but, whilst DD liked A as well, she found her too intense 1-1 and really only liked playing with her as part of a larger group. All was fine when they were younger and we had biggish parties. By the time they'd got older, A was still inviting DD to everything, whereas we'd cut down inviting A to minimal playdates (mostly to be polite), and A didn't make the list of DD's closest friends so didn't get invited to her parties. For what it's worth I did feel horribly guilty about this situation, but no idea how we could/should have tackled it differently.

My dd has had last last 5 years of primary being left out of one particular girls parties dispote going to all the other girls parties in the group and this girl coming to all of her parties in the past.

It pisses me off but now dd is older I've used the opportunity to talk about girls and friendship groups and how this girl isn't a real friend. Distance your self etc.

When we start secondary I will be requesting they are not in the same form if I can.

It's a hard lesson op but it is a good life lesson.

You seem to have had some odd and unkind responses OP. There is a huge difference between not getting invited to a random party and not getting invited to the birthday party of your best friend.

Did you ever find out OP? Just wondering as same thing has happened to a child in my sons class. He wasn't invited and his mum asked me was my son going? She asked the party boys mum why he wasn't invited and found out her son is the class bully! Shocking for her but true.

Zombie

Bloody hell how do theses zombie threads get on! Sorry for restoring

Bloody hell!

Now I want to know what happened!

I think what redsky said is probably the truth of the matter. I also think that it is perfectly normal to feel sad and angry on your child's behalf - I don't 'get' people who just shrug it off when their child is unhappy!

If it was me, I would be distancing myself from this family and encouraging my child to make some other friends. It isn't good to be too dependent on one friendship. It might help her to feel better about these things if her friendship group involves lots of other kids.

oh i wonder what happened?

All those comments about the OP being unhinged!!!??? WTF?

I'd be well pissed off on an online anonymous forum too!!! Of course in person I wouldn't be all guns blazing but inside i would be fuming for my child.