AIBU?????

[LoveMyRs]

To get angry at my DD best friend's mum for not inviting my DD to her birthday???
My DD was crying all the way home as it looks like her friend invited everyone but her.
They are good friends and i was talking to the mum on Monday to arrange for a playdate and she didn't mention nothing.
I am surprised and angry how dare she???
The bd is at home and the girl said that she doesn't know why she didn't invite my dd.
I would understand if they have a limit no they can have at home but my dd is closer than some of the girls who were invited .

Some quite unnecessarily spiteful comments to the op here what a shame.

My DD2 has never been invited to a party in her life. She's nearly 12

She's Autistic and has ADHD, Epilepsy and Tourettes so no mystery why even her best friend happened to leave her out. Parents can be awful. I don't blame the children.

YANBU, it's pretty rotten and it feels horrid. YABU to get this pissed off about it though. Trust me, it doesn't help. Do something nice with your DD on the day and down play it as much as you can. No need for her to be upset if it's not necessary.

They are 8 turning 9.
Everyone in the playing circle are invited.
I don't expect my DD to be invited to all parties.
It is chocking as we are close the girls have been on play dates regularly. I don't think i am imagining they are close as u don't send ur daughter to a house where u think the girl is bullying or unkind in any way.
I always make sure no body is left out when i have a party I don't invite the whole class but i do invite the inner circle.
I sure didn't show my DD my anger and i told her its not the end of the world and we will do something fun together but i did feel her pain .
She did ask the bd girl and she said i want you to come but I don't know why I didn't invite you.
Was thinking of asking the mum if there is anything that i am not aware of but again I don't think she will be happy to have a play date when she know something is wrong

What makes you think they are best friends?
Maybe she doesn't actually like your DD, maybe DD is bullying her, maybe her mum doesn't like you or DD.
There could be any number of reasons she didn't get an invite and TBH if the girl felt the same way as your DD (that they are best friends) then of course DD would be invited, Clearly the girl does not think they are BFF's for whatever reason and you being apocalyptic about it is not going to make the slightest bit of difference apart from to upset your DD further.

I wouldn't be angry but I would feel something. My child upset...crying, yes absolutely. I'm not cold-hearted, neither are you LoveMyR's, you want to understand and you want to take the pain away.
For other mums though, it's just a shrug of the shoulder and a 'that's life' philosophy .

Is it possible the invitation has been done and not handed out yet? The girls sound quite young, how old are they?
Depending on their ages, I would ask the mum (not in anger) but also explain to DC that the bday girl can invite whomever she chooses.

Don't worry i could ask in anger even if i try
I am angry as am writing but talking to ppl i know my limits
The bd was today and only today my DD knew about it
It doesn't seam like an accident
I would understand if the mum told me when we spoke on Monday that she is having a party and sorry I can't invite X for what ever reason

This doesn't make sense. If she's turning 9, how can she say 'I wanted you to come so I don't know why you're not invited.' ? Surely she would have written the invites?

One of my dd party was a girls only i did apologise for a mum of a twin boy n girl for not inviting the boy even though my dd is not close to him but felt weird not inviting twin
Maybe thats just me

I want to change my post from earlier I think I was wrong,

Maybe the girl is a bit of a user, I had a friend like that in school and she would use invites etc as a bit of a power play to see what she could get out of people. She would expect friends to beg her for an invite or she would suddenly not be friends with someone for attention (kids would ask over and over what they have done to upset her etc which gave her attention or she could use it to gain something, normally monetary, in some way the girl had a rather tragic upbringing)

Could be something like that or a problem with the mother I reckon. Maybe take DD out with another friend?

They play together every play time at school we have play dates every few weeks here and at her house and they do tricks or treats together

X-post re ages

Party invites with girls aged 8 & 9 can turn into a power play. I hear this often at school. 'You're invited to my party'...'You're not coming to my party'
BFF's one day and giving/receiving the cold shoulder the next.
Yes ask the mum, she might be unaware. At least then you have taken a step to find out why your DD hasn't been invited.

So you tell me is it just me thinking they are good friends

Doesn't seam it was a power thing as my DD didn't even know there was the party until today the party day

YABU

You sound awfully cross about it! Sheeesh play it like Elsa......let it go!!

A woman at my dd's school thinks my dd and hers are best friends. We have done playdates in the past. Her dd has been hitting, kicking and stealing from mine. The school are keeping them apart, I am keeping them apart - the other mum is totally oblivious.

I think I'd have to ask the Mum. Not in a 'in your face and desperate' sort of way though. I'd want to know why, a 9 year old should be able to explain!

Kids say all sorts of things to cover up a decision they have made.
Girl could have not wanted to admit that she didn't write out an invite because she didn't want OP's DC at the party.
Again, the mum could be unaware.
Or, mum does know why.
Like the OP mentioned, the girls have playdates together so sounds a little odd. It also sounds (to me) as if this is coming from the other girl, not her mum.

I understand where ur coming from but play date have been discussed on Monday that's probably after invitation been out so if there is a reason she wouldn't want the play date am i wrong here as well?
The mum is always friendly and chat with me on pick up and love my 1year old as well it is odd to me

One of my dd party was a girls only i did apologise for a mum of a twin boy n girl for not inviting the boy even though my dd is not close to him but felt weird not inviting twin. Maybe thats just me

I said something similar to the mum of a boy twin when my DD was in infant school. There's nothing wrong with that

YANBU! Can't understand some of the responses you have had.

Well I'll be the first to admit that when one of my kids is hurt, dejected or has been shunned in some way, I feel every bit of it right along with them even if I don't let on.

Of course I would be very sad if one of mine didn't get an invite to a party thrown by the child they consider a best friend. That shit hurts whether you are 8 or 88.

Who are all you people telling OP she is bu?

Agree it is odd. Hope you find out why. Like a pp mentioned, a 9 yo should have been able to explain why. Hope your DD is okay. It's horrible being left out, no matter how old you are and there are plenty of posts on MN that can testify to that!

Do I live a parallel universe? Of course the op isn't bu to be pissed off her daughter hasn't been invited to her best friend's party??