to not want another baby?

[Karrot]

We always wanted two children, but after a horrible pregnancy with DS1 (hyperemesis, PUPPs rash and various other unpleasant things), for a long time, we thought we were done. He was also a bit of a tricky baby/toddler and I also suffered quite badly with PND. We have no family support nearby, though my DP is very hands on.

He is now 5 and we're considering another - but only really, so that he's not an only child. I feel horrible that he wouldn't have a sibling if we didn't do it again and the number of people who have confirmed that fear - from close friends who have confessed their "relief" that he wouldn't be an only one when I've said we were finally considering having another baby, to the randoms who have told me that I'd be scarring my child for life by not having a second - is enormous.

We're at the point now where it's a bit now or never - I'm not getting any younger and the age gap is already pretty big. But the idea of actually going through it all again terrifies me. My DP feels the same - he knows how hard it was for me the first time around and the baby stage wasn't exactly a walk in the park for him either - so there's no pressure from him, we just don't know what to do.

Remember that story about the man and his son who are walking a donkey somewhere? First everyone sneers because neither of them are riding it, next they sneer because the boy alone is riding, then because the man alone is riding, then because both are riding.

It's your life, do what makes you happy. Interfering idiotic busybodies will just have to get over it.

My brother is much older and left home as I was born so I was virtually an only child. My parents were loving but did not play with me or take me on days out (no money) and I was not allowed people round to play. I was lonely especially when the weather was bad and I could not play out. I grew up to be a great reader and very self sufficient. I have friends who are as close as sisters and I am now very close to older brother but I always knew I would not have only one child. You must do what feels right for you.

My DS is 3 and I do not want any more children. I am single anyway so it's not really an issue right now but I know I don't want any more. I did not enjoy being pregnant, I am very petite and found it painful and unpleasant. I had a long and horrible labour where I was left pushing for 3 hours before DS became so distressed I had to be rushed to theatre for forceps. I did not particularly enjoy the baby stage, I struggled with breastfeeding and DS cried a lot. I don't really have any desire to do it again.

Right now my life is the happiest I've ever been, I love the age DS is at now, I'm making progress with my career and just enjoying myself. There are so many reasons why I don't want another - practical, financial, etc.

I myself am an only child and I turned out OK (I think!) So don't let that be a deciding factor. Don't do it because it's what society thinks you should do. (God knows all I hear from my DM is "so you're telling me DS will be my only grandchild?" As if that's not enough for her.)

If you have another, do it because it's what you want. It's your life, your decisions. Do what is right for you.

If you don't want another baby don't have one.

IRL loads of people have one child, no one is scarred by it. Tbh to the relieved mob I wonder what happened in their life to make them so narrow minded.