Oh god, I could'nt have handled this any worse..

[Mummyyummy2012]

DS is 8 and always loses weight when school starts. I suspect there are issues in school with kids not getting enough time for lunch and rushing out to play. In previous years I have been in to see the head about it. DS is always asking for food at home too.
Anyway, he's looking skinny again already and I am obviously concerned. It's like I have to feed him up during the holidays.
I handled it really badly though earlier as I commented that I thought he was looking skinny again and asked if he was getting enough time to eat in school- he got very upset and cross with me.
Clearly, I handled it REALLY badly as shouldn't have referred to his weight etc but obviously I'm really worried that I am already seeing weight loss.
Aibu to ask for advice about how to handle talking to him about this? I want to tread carefully but obvs I need to know if they are being rushed and not getting time to eat at lunchtime.

fluffywuffy "Dinner at 4pm is strange for anyone, really. That's a late lunch!"

You may think it strange- to me it's the most sensible thing to do.
Having kids who don't eat much at school means they come home ravenous. What's the point of fobbing them off with fruit or snacks until 6 or 7pm simply because that's " not strange"
I know they are ready for a full plateful at 4pm and will finish off a good nutritious meal at that time.

Is it offending your sensibilities?

I said "whatever works for you". It's not a personal attack, just mild surprise. Chill out folks.

My 4yo goes to bed between 6.30 and 7, wakes up around 6am. But we leave the house at 7am for work/childcare. So no, we aren't all the same

Dinner at 4pm is strange for anyone, really.

Clearly not.

Fluffy - umm, my kids were getting their stories and tucked in at 6.30pm at 4 yrs old.

As they got to 5/6/7 etc. They stayed up until 7.00-7.30pm. Maybe 8.00pm or a wee bit later on a non-school night. They got plenty of sleep and they needed it.

Kids need to be in bed early to get adequate sleep - and they got up at around 6.30-7.00am actually.

Call me old-fashioned but I think youngsters stay up too late nowadays.

Cool your jets. Why are people so upset that someone might find it a bit strange?
I've never had a child that would sleep for 12-13 hours a night, lucky you if they did. I simply can't imagine fitting everything in if they eat at 4pm and go to bed by 6,30.
Again, its not personal. Why so spiky?

My dc always came home from school ravenous so they ate a proper meal around 4.30pm. A bit of marmite on toast and a piece of fruit before bed. Sorted. DH often works away, but never home before 8pm anyway so it was too late for children to eat. It would have been lovely to all eat together round the table like the Waltons. But that's just stuff on the telly innit?

Kids need to be in bed early to get adequate sleep - and they got up at around 6.30-7.00am actually.

Which would be way too early for this household. My kids get loads of sleep but could no sooner go to sleep at 7pm than I could, even as babies. They're generally in bed by about 9pm on school nights (they don't need to be up till 8am). During the summer it naturally shifts to 10-11pm which works even better for us.

Kids need to be in bed early to get adequate sleep

Yours might need it, but I wouldn't say that its the norm to put kids to bed that early, and most don't need to be in bed at 6.30.

Agreed Fluffy. Generally 8-9 hours sleep is enough for my kids and has been since they were in pre-school.

My ds never eats much at school either - I just make sure he has a big breakfast then snack after school , dinner and supper .

salmotrutta completely missing the point, but you have surprised me with your bedtimes! I always assumed you were Italian because of your username, and Europeans think the British are so odd with their early bedtimes for children.
My KS2-aged children go to bed at 8pm too, they need about 10-11 hours sleep still.

Mine go to bed at 6.30 one reads for an hour (6) the other for an hour and half (8)

They get up early (6 o'clock) so a 4.30 dinner is right for them.

We could never all eat together as DH doesn't get in until 7.30-8.00.

AnytheWiser - no, not Italian! Scottish

My user name is the Latin name for Brown Trout (long story)

OP, back to the original post - my DC were both like this at that age. Skeletal and never ate at school. I started giving them bigger breakfasts - wholemeal toast with peanut butter and banana milkshakes or beans on toast and a creamy yoghurt. Then cheese sandwiches as snacks when they came out of school at 3.30, proper tea at about 6pm, and if they could manage one, a small supper at night.

It's scary when they waste away in front of your eyes. But they don't have to eat at a given time, as long as they are getting enough calories each day.

Ds1 is similar in that he regularly returns with uneaten bits of lunch. Often I'm told "I ran out of time" or "I was distracted". I think the truth is he is the kind of child who never really "feels" hungry (unlike ds2!) and would rather eat what he can quickly so he can go play. He was quite underweight at about 4yrs and a paediatrician recommended upping his calories where possible, such as adding calories so cream and butter to mash potatoes, creamier yogurts etc. which helps. He is incredibly active so easily can burns off more than is going in. I do allow both my active ds a biscuit or something after dinner too to try and even out how much they burn off during the day and evenings of sports. I also try to give them their evening meal by 5 pm as they often out at sports for 6, and then a small snack on return. We also encourage drinking plenty of milk. He is still v slim but I know he is healthy, he just obviously has a fast metabolism coupled with high energy and a love of sports and running around. Hope you get your ds sorted, I remember how much I used to worry about ds1 weight and food.

Ds1 often only eats half his lunchbox when he takes sandwiches. He also has a handful of meals he will choose if he has school dinners - the curry and rice or the shepherds pie mainly. It took me ages to realise why.

It's because he 'only' has an hour for lunch. Leaving class, queuing and getting your food and sitting down takes 10 minutes. And 'if I spent another 20 minutes eating mum, i'd only have half an hour to play football'

So he races through his food as quickly as possible to get out in the yard. He was also choosing curry or shepherds pie because they were the meals he could eat without chewing so were much quicker

I think it's quite common - there are lots of reasons your dc may not be eating massive meals at lunch in school. But tbph if one 'poor' meal a day is making your ds skinny, you need to be feeding him more at home.

Do you want to start? I can inform you that pudding would do you much better than filling your children with crisps and carbs i believe that pudding is the most important part of a child's meal so you can stop telling me that pudding isn't needed while you continue to stuff your child's face with processed foods, GMOs and fast food, because it is a fast track route to obesity. Your children will begin to buy their own sweet things, NOT in moderation so I am trying to make my children understand portion sizes, not that McDonalds is doing that for YOUR kids salmotrutta.

user14744 - can't be arsed to type the rest...

I don't fill my children with carbs or crisps.

My children are adults by the way.

They made it to adulthood without regular pudding. Funny that. Puddings were considered unecessary if you had fed your child a decent breakfast and proper lunch and dinner.

They had soup and main course or main course and fruit/cheese etc.

And for the record - my kids were what would now be considered "skinny" by present day parents - but were actually what a kid should be.

They weren't considered "skinny" back then - they were average.

Oh, and processed foods were far less prevalent when mine were young.

And there wasn't a MacDonalds anywhere near where we live back then.

My kids actually had access to food from the land - farmers in the family - so don't you tell me what you think I fed my kids.

Do your kids eat home grown veg, line caught fish, and eggs from chickens you have in your garden?

Because mine did.

When I was a child, puddings were for a special treat only, like cake and trifle on your birthday, or Xmas pud on Xmas day. An overdose of sugar was very much looked forward to, but strictly for special occasions. My grandmother never did puddings, my mother never did puddings, and I never did puddings for my dc. Sweet sugary foods should be reserved for a special treat, and not for every day.
What actually happens though, is that if you don't eat sweet stuff very often as a child, you don't get hooked on it, and then as an adult, you're not really bothered about it. That's what I've found anyway, for what it's worth.

I used to be put to bed at 6.30/7pm - and would stay up for hours and hours before actually sleeping (perfecting the fake sleep for if my parents looked in on me)

Stop making this about childhood obesity!

This is about children being given enough time to eat their food/enough food you have paid for - at lunch time. The reason DD2 has packed lunch is because if they are on second sitting they run out of the advertised meal, or part of it. For £2.25 a day I do not want her to be left with the "choice" of a cold jacket potato and baked beans. If you must know she is 30th centile for weight. She has a good appetite but is also something of a slower eater- being rushed through meals and having to finish everything is the opposite of what we do at home. Plenty of time to eat and recognise when you are full.

People have so many appalling views around weight on MN. Being overweight seems to be the worst crime in the world.

I was restricted in the treat department as a child, so one bag of crisps and one chocolate treat a week. We always had very healthy home cooked meals. Now, however, I have all the control over my treat intake and yet no control. I can't stop myself. I really do try.

My DD has pudding if she tries and/or finishes the majority of her dinner but it is usually fruit or a yoghurt sometimes followed by a small treat like 2/3 chocolate buttons or a gingerbread man. She is only 2 (nearly 3) and this is fine for her. All of her meals are balanced.