Oh god, I could'nt have handled this any worse..

[Mummyyummy2012]

DS is 8 and always loses weight when school starts. I suspect there are issues in school with kids not getting enough time for lunch and rushing out to play. In previous years I have been in to see the head about it. DS is always asking for food at home too.
Anyway, he's looking skinny again already and I am obviously concerned. It's like I have to feed him up during the holidays.
I handled it really badly though earlier as I commented that I thought he was looking skinny again and asked if he was getting enough time to eat in school- he got very upset and cross with me.
Clearly, I handled it REALLY badly as shouldn't have referred to his weight etc but obviously I'm really worried that I am already seeing weight loss.
Aibu to ask for advice about how to handle talking to him about this? I want to tread carefully but obvs I need to know if they are being rushed and not getting time to eat at lunchtime.

Have you checked his BMI? Is it low? The low end of normal, or below that in the underweight category?

Obesity is so common now in children that if you look at a class full of children, it's probably only the skinny-looking ones who are a healthy/ideal weight. Even the average of the class, statistically are probably overweight. Healthy children do look "skinny", especially next to average weight children now.

Check that there is something to worry about before doing anything else. If there is a genuine problem just make sure he has a generous and healthy breakfast and dinner. The school will not spend a lot of time ensuring a NT 8yo is eating enough lunch.

That's outrageous.

I agree. Last week my 'not skinny' DD was not allowed to go out and play in the sunshine until she'd finished a roll that was twice the usual size. She's now back on packed lunches except on days when it's something exciting.

have you actually weighed him? because unless he's actually underweight, you've nothing to worry about!

Salmo. You're right. My DD (8) is overweight on the charts - not obese. It stems from me being chronically ill and not having a good handle on the situation. She was never overweight before. At one stage, I was so ill I couldn't cook and even struggled to put nuggets in the oven. So her diet wasn't great. I'm slowly improving and as I do, she eats healthier. She's got a big appetite though and as I get physically stronger, I have the energy to say no to more food. My health is not linear though and I can only work so hard on her health before my own suffers.

You don't actually know how big the op's child is though? So how can you think he's the right side and it's her skewed view of her child's weight?

Mummyoflittledragon - you sound like you know what's what.
Im not in any way taking a pop at you.

I think nowadays things are very different to when I was growing up with parents who came through rationing and had good, healthy diets (albeit boring) and hence I was brought up on a very healthy diet. As were my peers because there were no convenience foods or ready meals.
My parents grew veg, Mum cooked everything fresh, shopping was done very carefully because supermarkets only appeared in our town in the 1970s when I was a teen!

It really is the case that when I was growing up there were very few obese children.

Why would a child be getting skinny from not eating much school lunch UNLESS they weren't being fed properly at home?

We don't know Penile - but it's perfectly normal (and dare I say desirable) that children should have visible ribs.

Nowadays people think visible ribs = malnourished.

Which is rubbish.

I don't think one meal out of three would make that difference - surely you give him a decent breakfast, and if he was hungry when he got home from school you would give him something then??

Is it not just a growth spurt? When we were kids mum always moaned that we didn't fit into our September school clothes by November as that was when we grew.

You don't actually know how big the op's child is though? So how can you think he's the right side and it's her skewed view of her child's weight?

Because generally most kids these days are leaning to overweight. Their parents will still be obsessed with how much they eat, and swear they aren't overweight.

When my DD was in year 3, she came home from school asking me why she was the only one in her year that could not "make a smiley face with her tummy". The rest of the class all have enough abdominal fat to roll up and make this "smiley face"

I have had 8 year old children come round for dinner horrified that I am not cooking a pizza each, plus garlic bread and sides.

The vast majority of people do have a skewed view of weight. Most think if you can see a child's ribs they are underweight.

So it's worth asking, why does the o/p think her child is underweight? Has she had him weighed, does the GP agree, or is she going on her own version of "skinny".

Fwiw I have a child the same. They go "skinny" during a growth spurt, then even out ready for the next one. I don't feed them up or worry about it, I let them eat to appetite. It balances out in the long run. But then I don't get all this worrying over what children eat and what they don't. They eat if they're hungry.

Because generally most kids these days are leaning to overweight. Their parents will still be obsessed with how much they eat, and swear they aren't overweight

Completely agree.

As a society, we have become so scared of feeling hunger (you know a natural bodily function, like thirst, tiredness etc) that people have a very skewed view of what a healthy weight is. So we eat to excess, and wonder why there is an obesity problem.

Have you weighed your child OP? Also, I'd find it odd a child getting upset over their weight, is there nothing else going on?

Are you there OP?

Salmo I didn't take it as such, thanks. I was just trying to explain why I have an overweight child and my struggles. I think weight can be a struggle from either side of the spectrum - both underweight and overweight.

This happened to my 2dds throughout their school years. Contrarily, I always perceived it the other way round - i.e. they always put a bit of weight on during the holidays, due to being less active, staying in bed longer, and having more opportunities to snack at will. Once back into school routine they lost the excess again. Same effect, different way of looking at it.

My kids are slim, OP what is your son eating outside school hours?

When my kids were at primary school I suspect that they didn't eat much during school hours, so made sure they had breakfast, - they were always ready for a large meal as soon as the came home from school.
So I would make sure they had their main meal at 3.45/ 4pm. they would then have another light meal just before bed, perhaps a cheese and ham toastie or a falafel stuffed pitta bread.

All these people who give their kids their evening meal at 4pm - do you not want to eat together as a family in the evenings? I find that really strange.

My kids eat anywhere between 4-6 depending on how hungry they are, if they have clubs, if they are playing out. Me and DH eat between 7:30 and 9 depending what time he comes in from work. In an ideal world where we all work 9 -5 then yes we would all eat together but not everyone has that luxury. At weekends we eat together if possible but again me and DH have to work weekends as well sometimes. It's not perfect but then we don't love in a perfect world

I am one of " all these people " -why is it strange?
Sitting down to eat as a family on a weekday is not often achievable.

If he looks thinner, but you haven't actually weighed him, he may just have got taller? My kids definitely went thru phases of shooting up, then filling out a bit. Are his clothes baggy when they weren't before?

My ex mil used to say regularly that her DS (my DH) looked really thin when we moved in together, and seemed genuinely anxious, but he definitely putting on weight and outgrowing all his clothes at that time - I think she was just anxious that I wasn't feeding him :-D.

If he's generally well and happy, I don't think you need to worry unless he's unusually small for his age, and you and DP aren't (and even then, he may be absolutely fine, and just little).
It sounds as if he's getting a bit self-conscious about it tho, so may be worth letting him be for a bit (just give him a hearty breakfast, and a healthy snack as soon as he gets home)?

Dinner at 4pm is strange for anyone, really. That's a late lunch!

If he's eating a good breakfast and dinner and snacking then eating a reduced lunch alone shouldn't make him lose weight. He's probably more active at school than when he's at home.

ineedamoreadultieradult = exactly.

When kids are older and start going to activities it becomes difficult.
My DD dances 4 out of 5 nights a week, so we need a quick turnaround. OH works away most weeks for 3 or 4 days, and when he is at home often gets back late.
I sit and eat with the kids, I plan my own eating so I can eat a full meal at 4pm.
You do what you have to. Life isn't all perfect.

fluffy depends what time you go to bed surely. For an adult late lunch for a 4 yr old who goes to bed at 6:30 it's tea.

4 year olds go to be at 6.30? Not in my world they don't!

Whatever works for you but I'm surprised that people have timings like that. Are you getting up at 4am or something?

Just goes to show not everybody's the same fluffy live and let live.