To be really pissed off with work

[Cantthinkofarelevsntnamechange]

So the other day DP took ds to the gp who then said to take him to a and e because his breathing wasn't good enough.
Dp phoned me at work to tell me obviously so I told work and said I'll need to go.
They said no, because there was only 2 of us in that day (me and manager) but they'll phone to see if someone can come in then I can go.
Then just fucking walked off for the rest of the day leaving me at the tills on my own so I couldn't leave or anything, and never bothered to tell me if someone was coming in or not. (I work in a shop)
I know I should have just walked out and gone but dp was texting me and it wasn't an emergency emergency, they were still in the assesment ward, but we did have to stay in hospital overnight because he wasn't getting enough oxygen so it was quite bad. And we just had a letter saying we owe loads of rent and im pregnant and we are skint so getting fired not an option right now unless we want to be homeless.
And when I called in sick the next say because I was still in hospital with ds they seemed a bit annoyed.

Aobu to think that if someone asks to leave because their 3 year old has to go to a and e because the go is worried about their breathing that you should just fucking let them? The manager could have done tills so it wouldn't have been the end of the world. They also could easily have got someone to come in if they had bothered because there is a massive version of the same shop down the road and someone could have come from there if they needed.

Tigger sorry but fuck off. I don't have to explain my life to you that isn't relevant to the thread. As it happens the skint situation is newer than the pregnant situation.

Tigger, why are you hounding the OP about her finances and her personal family circumstances? Give it a rest.

If it's not relevant to the thread why bring it up yourself?

Tigger - I think you are being quite nosey about things that are none of your business.

Then why put it on here in the first place?

Tigger i was explaibing why I didn't just walk out and leave! Wtf is wrong with you

I think it understandable that they didn't let you leave during the first shift given they were so short staffed and your DP was with DS. I think they should have agreed some emergency leave when you called in to say you couldn't leave DS who was in hospital. Perhaps they will when you get back. I think you and DP should try to split any leave you need to take from work so both employers bear equal strain.

Tigger, she mentioned money and pregnancy in the context of 'why I don't want to get fired right now'. We were given those circumstances as backstory, not invited to judge on the whys and wherefores of either of them.

Ok, sorry, I've probably projected something here. Apologies.
Fwiw yes your boss was shit, but you were better staying knowing it wasn't an out and out emergency.

YANBU - I would complain to the HR department, it is completely out of order to leave you for the whole day without sorting out cover of some sort (in the link below it says the employer cannot refuse time off for emergencies which is effectively what they did). I don't think they have to pay you for it but they do have to let you take it.

www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants/problems-when-you-take-time-off

To be fair on the day I called in to say I couldn't come in was a very over staffed day so I know they would have been fine.
On the a and e day, they haven't bothered to sort out enough staff for months. I can't even pee (sucks when your pregnant! ) because there's never anyone else in the shop for most of the day. The manager fucks off and ignores the bell all day.

It was an emergency but the other parent was handling it. I would have let one of team leave but I think it ok that they asked OP to finish her shift.

YANBU to be annoyed, OP.

If I'd been the manager in that situation, I'd have let you go with a request to update me early the next morning, and then in a quiet no-customer spell tried to contact other employees to see if any of them could a) come in that day for the remaining couple of hours and b) be on standby in case you were unable to return the next day. To me that's Management 101. Worst case scenario I might have had to cope for a few hours flying solo. Hey ho, it's an emergency and I'd hope other employees would be prepared to cover in a similar way for a short amount of time for me if the roles were reversed.

It is pretty shit, most employers would be more understanding. On the other hand, his dad was there with him and it wasn't an emergency. And you weren't sick - you need to watch doing that or they can use shit like that to fire you.

Wow. There is a serious empathy void on this thread.

I know the bills need paid but IMO my sick child would always be more important than any job. And anyone who suggests different needs to take a look at themselves.

I have been a manager. If staff need to leave then they need to leave and I had to, you know, do my job and manage the situation. The company is never more important than a three year old in A&E.

Just be careful of taking that day as unpaid as if you are going to be claiming mat pay from them it could affect your mat pay. There are a certain number of weeks that they look at your pay and average it out (sorry can't rememb which weeks, but it will be on line).
Try and take it as annual leave if you can. Or make the hours up if that's an option.

Tigger, fair play for apologising.

I think in situations where a small child is taken to A&E with breathing difficulties then employers should let parents go. I know they don't have to, but good employers do it, and tbh, I think it should be in law that if you have reason to believe that your child may be seriously ill, you can leave work, no matter if the other parent is already in attendance. Trips to A&E to have cuts stitched or for sprained ankles doesn't need both parents, breathing difficulties in a 3 year old does.

They definitely could have got someone to cover me if they tried. E.g i work for a 'local' and there is a supermarket 5 minutes down the road. Its pretty common for us to have someone from the supermarket cover. Instead they just told me that they would then dissapeared for the rest of the day without saying a word.
It's horrible having your 3 year old in hospital and not being able to be there. Even if technically they didn't have to let me leave I'd have thought they would considering the amount of times I've covered for them for stupid reasons etc

YANBU

Employers can be unsympathetic cunts. DH was involved in a road accident a while back and then needed surgery to pin broken bones. I rang to say I couldn't come in as he was on strong painkillers and woozy from the anaesthetic and couldn't care for DD or himself, I got a stony silence, followed by tutting, followed by "you're not going to be off tomorrow as well, are you".

Knobs. It doesn't take much effort to show a little sympathy.

Whatever tigger Don't be so unpleasant.Hope your child gets well soon, OP.

My employer is wonderful in these situations, I've literally hot footed out of a short staffed office to get DS to hospital when nursery phoned work. DP is in the forces and was away so there was only me. However vice versa when we had another call about DS being unwell from nursery to work they told me go,but I declined knowing DP could take this one, which he did.

You have to be fair. If your DP was with son, then there is no need for 2 parents as upsetting as it is.

Next day was poor of them though, they should have understood you were not fit for work.

YANBU

I had a similar situation earlier this year (1 yr old with bronchiolitis). DH was with her in hospital overnight Sunday. I went in Monday am and stayed all day and overnight (DH went to work). DH took over Tuesday am so I could go to work on Tues.

I told employer I wouldn't be in and why and their reaction was "thanks for letting us know, hope she is better soon".

Which is how it should be IMO.

Agree you didn't both need to be with DS but the only time you were both there was in the evening from the sounds of it?

YANBU - see here: www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

You are absolutely entitled to take time off to care for dependants in an emergency, which this clearly was and you did the appropriate thing by calling the following day to say you couldn't come in to work and explaining why - which couldn't have been a huge surprise given the reason you'd left in the first place. It is not your problem whether or not your employer was left short-staffed. Your employer is not obliged to pay you for the emergency time off though.

In another post, you mentioned that you're not even able to have a break to use the toilet. As a pregnant employee, your employer is legally obliged to assess the risks to both you and your unborn baby - this includes 'standing or sitting for long periods without adequate breaks' and 'working long hours'. Where risks are identified your employer needs to take reasonable steps to remove them, ie offering different work or changing your hours - it's all explained here: www.gov.uk/working-when-pregnant-your-rights . This can be difficult to talk to managers about, especially if they are not particularly sympathetic. If it's easier and you are able to, printing off the web pages I've highlighted and showing them to your manager could be a good place to start a discussion. You are also entitled to reasonable time off to attend antenatal appointments and your partner is entitled to time off to accompany you to two such appointments although your employer is not obliged to pay you while you're taking time off.

I hope your DS is okay and recovering. It sounds like a horrible scary time for you, not helped by other worries and stresses. And when your 3 y/o is in hospital, feeling awful and probably scared all they want is their mummy there to keep them safe - you absolutely did the right thing

I work in retail and have done for about 8 years - the sad truth is that there are very few reasonable and nice managers left. They full well know that every general colleague is replaceable and so they don't go the extra mile. They also conveniently forget any past favours you've done for them so you have my sympathy OP.

Although I think a lot of people have come across as lacking empathy in their replies the legal side of it is correct. I had this out with a particularly unsympathetic manager once about a lady who was sat crying on a till - they wouldn't let her go to the hospital where her daughter had just been admitted in an emergency as the dad was there. We weren't short staffed that day as I recall either - she just argued that one parent being there was sufficient.

I do feel for you but in your case I would have chased it. I would have called the manager back to the tills every half hour and asked for a follow up on their efforts to get someone in to cover me. I have learnt that they really rely on colleagues just backing down and if you continue to push it you generally get to where you need to be as long as YABU - which I don't think you overly were in this case.

Dependency leave is available in the company I work for - I presume that's what you've used in the instance the following day from the sound of your post. It's there for emergencies and the whole design of it means it's usually used with short notice. I have a good working relationship with both of the managers I currently have (which is a minor miracle- refer to my earlier point about good managers being few and far between) but they still get snippy if I have to use dependency. I don't let myself feel bad, I wouldn't use it if it wasn't necessary, I am a single parent so there is nobody else and our kids have to come first no matter what our circumstances.

Be careful not to stress yourself out, esp while pregnant. New emergencies crop up in retail all the time. They'll get over it. I really hope your son is doing better ASAP!