Or is STBXH?

[YoureaFlutteringCunt]

He has them friday night to Sunday night. He brings them home at 5pm.

He refuses to bath them Sunday and never feeds them dinner. Gives them breakfast and lunch.

So at 5pm on a Sunday night they come home from the park filthy, I am bathing 4 kids and then cooking for them. On what seems like is 'his day'.

AIBU to think he should do at least one of these things. If not both?!

And he hardly ever does reading/homework so that has to be fit in too most weekends.

[Balanced12]

Off on a tangent but what time do people have tea, it's always been at 5 in our house.

They either need to be back at 6 fed or home at 4, my DC are under 5 though.

Or option two, try not to worry about it, it sucks but it's his time to use as he wishes so you have to let go

[SaucyJack]

Weird. Is there a drip feed coming that's gonna explain your ire at running a bath for your own children?

[RB68]

You need to back off whatever their age bathed and fed by 5pm is craziness. So your options are continue on same vein, ask him to deliver later fed and or bathed or actually leave him to parent properly and get them to school Monday and let him deal with the school if they are late, not in uniform etc or no homework - if they phone you just say I am sorry they have been with ex and you need to speak to him directly as I can't be passing messages etc

[HeCantBeSerious]

Off on a tangent but what time do people have tea, it's always been at 5 in our house.

Between 7pm and 8pm here since youngest was 6m old.

[SandyY2K]

I doubt he would bring them home later than five. He already turns up early most Sundays.

Go out and don't return till 5pm. That will stop his nonsense. If you don't do it now it will become a well established pattern. 5pm will turn to 4pm and then 3pm. Don't allow it

He'll get fed up of waiting for you.

Even if I had to wait round the corner I wouldn't get home till 5pm or I'd be having a relaxing bath and not open the door till 5pm. I hope you've changed the locks. If not do so.

5pm is a bit early for dinner and bath time. What time do they go to bed?

[m0therofdragons]

I would have dinner ready for when they walk in the door then up for bath at 6pm and bed by 7pm. I can't imagine doing it before 5pm, that sounds very early even for little ones. Surely you're cooking dinner for you so just do enough for all of you. I would like the chance to sit round the dinner table hearing about dcs' weekend away from me. He may be a crap df but I think on this issue you're being unfair I'm afraid.

[justforthisonce]

i have exactly this problem with my dd's father. Sporadic homework , zero reading, zero bathing.....sporadic times of being brought back.

The worst part is that he is so tight with his clothes he brings dd back home on a sunday in her full school uniform and she has to wear this all day at his house on a sunday.

He rarely takes her out and she appears hyper, un fed, un exercised and no homework and filthy under clean school uniform which he has washed .

Totally bizarre. I am too fed up to the back teeth with it. I've had to have meetings with the teacher as her homework is too set over the weekend.

[justforthisonce]

I'd be interested to know if all these posters supporting the exh are actually in the same situation or just summising on a situation they have no experience of

Full support to you OP

[SaucyJack]

I can't speak for anyone else, but it's perfectly usual for mine to get back from their dad's in time for Sunday eve dinner with me and DP, yes.

[pinkdelight]

Isn't it better for the DC to have dinner and bath back at yours as part of settling down for the evening the night before school? I get that it mightn't be best for you, but the alternative would be for him to have them on the Sun night too. What you're proposing does seem a bit daft timing-wise, and you can't really complain about the "4 kids" thing, that's how many you have. If they're at yours at mealtimes and bedtimes then that's what needs doing. If you don't want to do it, you need to change the timing arrangement. It sounds like it's every w/e though. In many cases it'd be eow.

[JacquesHammer]

I'd be interested to know if all these posters supporting the exh are actually in the same situation or just summising on a situation they have no experience of

I can't speak for everyone on the thread but yes I am a single parent and have a contact schedule.

I would never DREAM of dictating to ex-H what he should/shouldn't be doing and when on his weekend. We make friendly requests - like when he was taking her on holiday "we set off really early tomorrow, would be great if she could be in bed early" or I might say to him "its her dance show tomorrow, so might be good to have a quiet night".

But we're adult about it.

I don't think it is wrong to make reasonable requests. Having had dinner on a Sunday and bath by 5pm is unreasonable IMO

[hardtopinpoint]

Plenty of experience here.

I have no contact with ex so he does what he wants. Which mostly amounts to not much.

I tend to accept that once a week the DC will be later to bed than usual and filthy. Doesn't kill them, and it stopped annoying me long ago.