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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is STBXH?

62 replies

YoureaFlutteringCunt · 18/09/2016 17:38

He has them friday night to Sunday night. He brings them home at 5pm.

He refuses to bath them Sunday and never feeds them dinner. Gives them breakfast and lunch.

So at 5pm on a Sunday night they come home from the park filthy, I am bathing 4 kids and then cooking for them. On what seems like is 'his day'.

AIBU to think he should do at least one of these things. If not both?!

And he hardly ever does reading/homework so that has to be fit in too most weekends.

OP posts:

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 19:38

He's a shit, but as others say, there's not much you can do.

Errrrr why? Nothing to suggest that at all

AcrossthePond55 · 18/09/2016 19:40

I say he's a shit because he can't be bothered to clean his own children up before he takes them home. It's a pretty simple request OP has made.

John4703 · 18/09/2016 19:40

If he brings them home early why don't you rearrange you day so you are out of the house until just before 5?
I'd go for one of the other options,bring them home ready for bed at 7 or 8 or some suitable time. Even better he keeps them overnight and if he does not take them to school let the school deal with him. He gains more time with his DC so it is a win for him and you get a bit of time for yourself.

Lostthefairytale · 18/09/2016 19:41

If the evidence of him being "a shit" is that he hasn't fed and bathed his children by 5pm then I put my hands up to being a shit every night. Anyone care to join me??

Chloecoconut · 18/09/2016 19:41

The bath and tea to be back for 5 does seem unreasonable - but depends on how far away he lives. If he's half an hour away they'd need to eat at 4 which is a bit early. They could be bathed though.

No excuse re the reading though but it's a pick your battles' one. I had the same with my ex and homework. I made the teachers aware and would simply send a letter into school stating that they'd been with their dad and it hadn't been done (mine would be back at 6pm Sunday and after not seeing them all weekend I wasn't prepared to spend an hour on Sunday night doing homework with them). School were fine with this.

I suggest either return them at 6 bathed and feed them something easy like roasties or 7pm, fed and bathed.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 19:41

I say he's a shit because he can't be bothered to clean his own children up before he takes them home. It's a pretty simple request OP has made

Many on here say they think it would be too early to bath them. Are we all shits too.

OP can request. Doesn't mean he has to.

NapQueen · 18/09/2016 19:43

Does he bathe them and feed them Friday and Saturday eves?

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 19:43

No excuse re the reading though but it's a pick your battles' one

I think that's important. The op has a lot to do without all that as well - and he does have the whole weekend.

hardtopinpoint · 18/09/2016 19:45

after not seeing them all weekend I wasn't prepared to spend an hour on Sunday night doing homework with them).

I think your post is reasonable but this stands out for me. If I saw my kids rarely then I wouldn't be prepared to spend an hour or two battling over homework.

Depending on age of kids, I'm with dad on this one

SharonfromEON · 18/09/2016 19:54

Does he have them every weekend?

How old are they?

If so I can see why you are getting upset...No HW, no bathing. the food hard to give tea before 5.. Very disney dad.

However With my DS I break down his hw so he does a little every night.

I can see snuggling down doing the reading when they get back as a nice bit.

RepentAtLeisure · 18/09/2016 19:54

I think your post is reasonable but this stands out for me. If I saw my kids rarely then I wouldn't be prepared to spend an hour or two battling over homework.

What's 'rare' about having them every weekend? That's the most non-school time kids have.

If they are given homework on Friday that has to be handed in on a Monday, then it should be done throughout the weekend. It's unfair for the OP to have it all dropped on her lap after 5pm. Unfair to the kids too.

VforVienetta · 18/09/2016 19:55

Really hardtopinpoint?
Homework has to be done every night in the week, why does the DF get to not do it? Lots of the daily stuff is tedious but has to be done. You'd hardly say he shouldn't bother cooking as it takes too much time away from the DC. NRPs need to do the boring stuff as well as the fun stuff.

RepentAtLeisure · 18/09/2016 19:56

Honestly, I don't think you can expect him to carry out the duties of an entire Sunday before 5pm. On a Sunday mine usually have tea around 6pm, baths 8pm, then bed. How old are your dc's?

The one thing he should be on top of is homework. If he is only interested in being a fun-times-Disney-Dad without any interest in any of the responsibilities of parenting, maybe it's time to go back to court?

hardtopinpoint · 18/09/2016 20:05

I didn't read into the OP that he has them every weekend. We don't know that.

Still think it depends on age of kids

BarbarianMum · 18/09/2016 20:09

So you think they should be bathed at 3pm on Sunday afternoon and sit down to tea at 4pm, so they make it back to you ready for bed at 5pm?
YABU, an afternoon at the park seems totally reasonable.

Chloecoconut · 18/09/2016 20:16

Hardtopinpoint - I'm the mum and I think that my ex should be doing the homework with the kids on his weekend. Being a parent isn't about doing all the good things! My ex wouldn't ensure that homework was done. My kids would come back shattered but would need an hour to calm down upon returning home. 7pm on a Sunday night isn't the time to be doing homework - I tried but it was a nightmare.

hardtopinpoint · 18/09/2016 20:21

You can think what you like Chloe. If the kids are infant/primary age and the contact is fortnightly or less I don't see it as a priority.

Trifleorbust · 18/09/2016 20:30

It's not fair for the kids to have to stop whatever they are doing with their Sunday at 3pm to get in the bath and bed clothes If their dad's time with them doesn't coincide with bed time that's not their fault, or his really.

Chloecoconut · 18/09/2016 21:45

Yes I can I can pinpoint - both parents should be involved in their child's education .....

KarmaNoMore · 19/09/2016 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 19/09/2016 12:20

YABU. 5pm for dinner & bath is really early

Wantagoodname · 19/09/2016 13:33

I'd rather my child was at the park than bathed and fed by 5- far too early.
Do you feed the kids and bathe them everyday before 5?

Nabootique · 19/09/2016 13:40

Can't they shower at his Sunday morning? And 5pm is too early for having had dinner and a bath, as PPs have said, but he could do 6 and have fed them. Have you actually asked him about this?

thatdoesntsurpriseme · 19/09/2016 13:48

What time do you want them to eat? 5pm is bloody early!

trafalgargal · 19/09/2016 14:00

What time is tea and bedtime for them every other day of the week ?

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