to ask how important primary school is? Would it be okay to leave him at this school?

[AmberrrS]

DS is in Reception, we aren't in a particularly rich area... There's a variety of different houses, but we purchased a new one. It's lovely and the perfect house (BTW we hadn't even conceived DS at this point, so didn't even think of schools). However, there's 3 bloody prep schools! That are our closest schools. There is literally no schools in our catchment. We still put down all the good schools that were close by, even though they were out of catchment. We didn't get any instead they gave us the closest catchment and only catchment school - it's 8 miles away. It's awful. I thought I'd give it a go, just to see as I know not all schools are what OFSTED say. He doesn't like it... He comes home crying every single afternoon he refuses to let go of me. He sits hugging the TA all day, who is lovely, but has no issue telling me that that's the only thing he has done. She says it's okay because he was upset, which it's nice to know she cares, but I feel like it's feeding DS's sadness of you see what I mean? At breaktime he gets knocked over by older children (they don't have a separate playground) and has been pushed off the slide, but his class teacher said that it was because he has been told he isn't allowed on it, as only yr 1 + is allowed well why on earth let them be around it then! He's 4! He doesn't know that he can't go on it and if he does it's acceptable for older kids to push him

Sometimes the children get moved to the corridor to 'play' as their classroom needs to be used by a different class, so the children often wander off. DS had accidentally sat in a yr 1 lesson due to him not getting out the classroom quick enough before the yr 1 class went in.

It's a shambles. He only started on the 1st!

It's rated inadequate and I agree... Unfortunately we both work, we're not rich, we are both on national average wage, so doing okay and have an income of about £50,000 joined. I just don't know if it's worth looking at the preps... It seems like most of the children around us go to one of the 3. We wouldn't be able to go on holiday (which we do once a year) our mortgage is very high and we have a younger daughter so we need to think about the cost of her going too, so we would be very short of cash. Is it worth it?

Or would you leave him there for a bit longer and see how it goes? It's just quite far too and I literally feel like I'm dumping him at some kind of awful place.

How important is primary school?

How would you feel about homeschooling? Yes you would lose your salary, but you wouldn't lose any more by adding your daughter in later on which you would if you were paying prep school fees. There are lots of home school groups etc around now too; so much more support than there used to be. You could always do it as a stop gap until one school improves or your son gets offered a space at a better primary. It sounds like he is very unhappy where he is, and I agree with PP; primary is absolutely the foundation of his school career. If he isn't settled and is that unhappy now you will be storing up all sorts of issues for when he's older.

Good luck for whatever you decide to do, it sounds like a horrible situation to be in. :-(

Op I read that moving will be difficult but in your situation I would move and consider a big, not forever move to get to a school that is right for your ds and eventually your dd.

It must be upsetting realising that this is not your ideal family home but put simply it can't be that because of the school issue.

No 'safe' outdoor space for Reception class?
No dedicated classroom?
All sounds very odd.
Letter expressing all your concerns to Head and copied to Chair of governors?
Ofsted if get no joy?
Also, have you met with Head to talk through concerns to get a non child perspective. Very early in new year and all Reception children settling in.
Why was school graded 'inadequate'?

So there are closer schools but you didn't apply to them? Then you took a gamble that didn't pay off.

I'd move house in your situation; it will be cheaper in the long run.

I would speak to the prep schools and get a definitive answer with regards to costs. They're all very different with regards to what's included. Mine are at a prep school and the 15 hours free childcare is applied to the fees in the first year (this isn't always the case). There is also free wraparound care (8am-5pm), the uniform is no more expensive than the state school one, and there haven't been any expensive "extras" like other people have mentioned. Fees are £3k per term.
You also need to look closely at your finances with regards to current outgoings - you say your salary could cover the fees, but surely its currently being used to pay your mortgage etc?

Voluntary aided is effectively a state school, not private.

Call the lea and ask them exactly where you are on the waiting list for every single school nearer to you. Put yourself on the waiting list of those that you're not.

Could a combination of nursery and the grandparents looking after him at home be possible this term? Check with the lea what date they automatically empty the waiting list and families have to actively register. This reduces lists considerably.

I'm very confused in that you say there are no other state schools within 8 mikes of you - which implies you must live in a very rural area - and then say that there are 3 prep schools and a Jewish school which are nearer, implying that you're in a city.

If you are in a city then there will be closer state schools, and you could look at those. The school your son is in sounds disorganised, but are you only getting your son's account of it? For example, moving a reception class into a corridor for a lesson sounds dreadful, but also unlikely. Is it possible there is some sort of open plan area which is perfectly good for learning in, but your son thought it was a corridor?

Before writing to the governors I would ask for a meeting with his teacher to try to get to the bottom of it. I do know it's distressing when your child doesn't settle at school - my ds cried all the timd for the first few weeks, despite being at a supposedly outstanding village school, where he knew every other child in the class, there was a separate playground for Reception and all the staff were lovely. He settled eventually.

If our really don't want to move then I would put him in a prep for a few years whilst you try and find a more suitable state school.

With corridors, it depends on their design/ how big they are.
Primary my ds goes to does have reading in corridors and some interventions. However corridors wide enough for tables and even for room dividers in places/ certain corners.
Talking to teacher and/or Head maybe best first step.
Could write a letter with your concerns to teacher/ Head first and ask for meeting in that?

Voluntary aided means that the parents contribute to a state school, depending on the school and area, it can be about £2K so do bear that in mind too. Have a look at this school and see if it could be a better fit.

You earn 25k? Is that after tax? Fees come out of taxed income

8 miles away but in catchment??

This is horrible but honestly, if the situation is as bad as you say then you need to get cynical and play the system. You can't leave your DS in that school.

Firstly, if his current school is inadequate then it must either be in special measures or have been deemed to have 'serious weaknesses'. The former is more serious and means that new leadership is brought into improve the school. Either way, ofsted expect improvement to be pretty rapid and there should be up-to-date monitoring documents on their website. Log serious concerns on Parentview. Persistent parental concerns can trigger an inspection.

Secondly, look at the oversubscribed schools. To give you an example - DD goes to an outstanding infants school which is heavily oversubscribed. The associated junior school is also excellent but always has places in Y3 because every year people send their DC to the infants and then take them out at 7 to get them into the 7-18 private school. If there's anywhere near you like this, you would only need to find prep fees for three years and you could get your DD in on a sibling place.

If all else fails, in your position I would let out your house and rent near a good school - somewhere with sibling places for your DD.

We were in a similar situation to you. We decided to send dd1 to the nearby prep school. She was there for 2 years. At times we struggled with the fees (joint income of approx 75k) As dd2 was approaching school age we decided to relocate to an area with good schools (both primary and secondary).
They are both now in a lovely state village school which feeds into the outstanding state secondary schools.
We moved from south London to Herts. It was definitely the right none for us.

Are you sure the school is really that terrible? My DS's school have some equipment which the younger children aren't allowed on and the kids strictly enforce it! It hadn't occurred to me that it was an issue. And clearly your DS is miserable starting school, but it is very early days, so are you sure that it's this specific school that's the problem? Either he's only clinging to a TA all day or he's left by himself in the wrong lesson, they can't both be happening.

Usually when a school is rated inadequate there will be a lot of intervention to fix things and an expectation of rapid change and improvement. Do you see any signs of that? Have you read the improvement plan?

I would move.

I would rather live in a house house I'm not keen on, commute and have my DC in a decent school than what you've described.

The prep fees we could afford, as it would be like I'm a SAHM, so my salary would be going on their fees, as they're around £9,000 a year, my salary is £25,000. However, that isn't ideal and it certainly wouldn't be something I would just pick. I just don't know what else to do

This is what many parents do though, in your situation or just because they want private. You will find many parents cant afford holidays or extras in life because they have sacrificed this to give their dc the best start in life.

I would say Primary school is crucial it sets the base and tone for the rest of the school life. If you miss out on learning those basics, its really really hard to get them back later on, ie basic grammar and Maths. It will also emotionally affect him and knock his confidence adversely. After all he doesnt know he just happens to be a totally inadequate crap school does he? He thinks this is it.....

BTW we live on half your combined salary and I have also considered private school but for different reasons. Or yes, move house.

Either he's only clinging to a TA all day or he's left by himself in the wrong lesson, they can't both be happening

Not at the same time no, but its possible to be in the wrong lesson once and other days clinging to the ta

SerenDippitee Sun 18-Sep-16 08:18:59

^^ very good adivce

Are there state schools closer to you that are over subscribed? Did you appeal? We had a similar situation and ended up at a school around 7 miles away after losing appeals for our 3 closest schools. There were several families in the same boat. We took it too the ombudsman and they ruled that there had been an unfair admissions criteria and places would have to be made available. It took 18 months though and by then dd was settled at the other school so we left her there. It was a good school but in a different local authority!!! It did force our council to change the rules though. Its an unfair system if you apply for a few of your closest schools but are too far to have any chance of getting in them. The council ignore that the ombudsman will not.

When we were considering private school for dd we lived on our salary minus fees for a year before. We worked out exactly what we could and couldn't spend. We were fortunate enough to get a bursary and scholarship for dd but I will say the lack of 'luxury' at home can take its toll. We've not had a holiday for a few years and I don't have any money for nice clothes and haircuts which has affected me more than I thought. Good luck with whatever you decide

I know you are unhappy but this all seems to be a very extreme response to what has happened so far.

• he spent all day clinging to the TA.

Well he is young and in full time school for the first time. He will take a little while to settle in. He might have done that in any school.

-at breaktime he got knocked over by a bigger child
Well children run around and break time and sometimes they bang into each other.

• there is play equipment for year 1 up only.

Could it be that they have assessed it and decided that it isn't suitable for young children?

As for the whole corridor thing, that I don't know about. Have you spoken to the school about it?

Personally I think you are making a very hasty judgement based on two weeks.

We moved house. Like you, we bought a 'great' house before having kids and understanding the whole school thing. Turns out that being in a school black hole means it's not a great house at all. We moved to an okay house around the corner from a good school. We made a loss on the move, but it was still worth it for the school. Think hard. You're not even really asking how important primary school is. You're asking how important your kid's happiness is. How can your house be a dream when he will be unhappy?

Yes I would consider moving somewhere with good secondary schools. Your house will never be truly happy if your ds is miserable