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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my best friends to spell my daughters name correctly?

78 replies

IntravenousCaffeine · 17/09/2016 21:20

Close close friends, those that are like sisters persistently keep spelling my daughter's name wrong. It's Madison, not Maddison.

I know it may sound trivial but it's starting to annoy the hell out of me. When my friends have children I make a note of their birthdays and correct spellings so in future years there's never any doubt.

Acquaintances I can accept and older family members who are losing their marbles! But I'm talking about best friends that are visiting within hours of you giving birth. They got it right in the first few months and brought personalised gifts (correctly spelt) so they have remembered previously. Perhaps it's just me - but these best best friends should surely continue to remember know how I spell my daughters name or perhaps they just can't be arsed trying to remember which version it is?

OP posts:

Longlost10 · 18/09/2016 07:02

I can't believe you would consider losing friends over this. How trivial. Some people can't spell names. I can't. Some names are hard to spell, and you have chosen a non intuitive spelling. Let it go.

dylsmimi · 18/09/2016 07:18

I really don't think its a reflection of your friendship or how she feels about you and your dd.
It may just be an honest mistake not done maliciously. As you haven't seen her for a little while maybe she is giving you time with the baby etc or has things happening for her.
It sounds like you need a good catch up with her over cake or some wine and remember why you are friends not that she adds an extra d to your dds name

UterusUterusGhali · 18/09/2016 07:33

My name was unusual growing up, and I've had loads of different spellings over the years on cards etc.

It doesn't matter, really. At least I'm still getting a card and that's what counts. It would be terribly ungracious to point it out.

I always thought it was a trade-off with having an unusual name. I liked my name, so had to accept people can't always spell or pronounce it.

Madison isn't exactly common or well know in this country. I just typed it out instinctively with two T's. Like addition. I have a second cousin called Addison, (overseas) and I've never noticed how many d's are there tbh.

Your DD is going to be correcting people for the rest of her life. I wouldn't get stressy about it. :)

GrumpyMummy123 · 18/09/2016 07:48

It's just a downside of having a name with alternative spellings. Unfortunately I think you will have to get used to it rather than worked up by it. They'll get used to it in a few years.

My DH nephew is 3 and has a name which has a name that can commonly be spelt two ways. I can never remember which one it is. It text, whatsapp messages etc I probably get it wrong half the time! But for birthday cards and that sort of thing I'll double check. It doesn't mean I care for him or his mum any less!!

Myself I have a name that's not unusual but not traditional. I will admit it's not quite spelt phoenticly, but it's not complicated and very short! My whole life I've been amazed at how frequently it's misspelt. I can understand a mistake spelling that is phonetic - missing out silent letters etc but sometimes it is just a bit random!

You can't make everyone spell it correctly all the time. You can gently remind them the right spelling, but not worth getting upset by it.

tibbawyrots · 18/09/2016 07:51

My DD's name has 3 letters.

On one christening card it was spelt wrongly 4 ways. (On the envelope, inside and in a special message from her Godfather)

It's a popular name, it has ë at the end but when we registered her birth the registrar tried to insist that it had ö instead of the ë because he said he had seen it that way once. I have no idea what name he had seen but it certainly wasn't DD's name! With a dyslexic exH sitting there who the second that anyone queried what I said, immediately believed that they knew better than me, every fucking time, this is partly why he's ex...

Ladymayormaynot · 18/09/2016 09:02

After 40 yrs none of my friends or family have ever spelt DH's name correctly.

luckylavender · 18/09/2016 09:06

DS is now 20 & still people spell his name like the surname would be spelt, not the Christian name. It still annoys the hell out of me.

maddiemookins16mum · 18/09/2016 09:22

Someone spelled my dd name Imagen once!!

Mypurplecaravan · 18/09/2016 09:35

No that is not a wise person. That is a petty person who seems to have mixed up spelling and love.

I have a simple 3 letter name. My grandfather spelled it wrong in a different way every time. Never once just 3 letters. I was his first grandchild. He loved me like nothing on this earth. As an adult he respected me greatly. At school he took my side when a teacher said I was spelling my name wrong (I wasnt)

Let it go op. Your friend loves you and by extension your daughter. Choose not to be bothered by this

Crazycatladyloz82 · 18/09/2016 09:38

My uncle has spelt my name wrong all my life. Every card I ever received and even the baby bracelet he got me. It is just his little quirk. He doesn't mean to be hurtful as I doubt your friends are

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 18/09/2016 09:43

You would actually ditch your friend over something so trivial?!

Bloody hell my own family even spell my name wrong at times, but so what?! They are showing they love and care for your DD by sending the card etc in the first place.

I have two DDs, I'm forever getting their names mixed up when I talk to them, does that mean I don't care enough about them?!

I really think you need to get a grip OP, and let the little things go.

ShowOfHands · 18/09/2016 09:48

My great great aunt and much loved godmother never, ever spelled my name correctly. She was the most loving, kind, cherished part of my life for 17 years. Spelling schmelling. Your wise person was wrong.

If it bothers you, speak up but stop twisting this into something it's not.

happyvalley4 · 18/09/2016 09:50

I'm with you there OP. It's extremely rude to not take the care to spell someone's name correctly.

A girl in My DDs class is called Olivea but I wrote her party invite as Olivia and was mortified when I saw the spelling on the birthday card. That was 3 years ago and I've never made that mistake since. And she's not a close friend of DD or anything but I still think it's important.

If I were you I would be raging with these close friends of yours and make a point of raising it with them.

Togaparties · 18/09/2016 10:09

Meh. There's about 5 valid ways to spell my name. You just get used to people spelling it wrong.

BertrandRussell · 18/09/2016 10:18

I have two nieces. Katharine and Catherine. They share the same birthday.
They've never met, but they are friends on Facebook so they can compare notes on how I spell their names on birthday cards, Christmas cards and so on........I do try, honestly!

AidingAndAbetting · 18/09/2016 10:24

I have a Suzy. My best friend almost always calls her Susie in cards and texts. She just has a mental block about it I think. It doesn't change how fond she is of her.

I think it's something you have to live with if you choose a name with more than one accepted spelling.

iklboo · 18/09/2016 10:24

FIL & his wife still spell my name wrong and I've been with DH for 15 years.

FluffyWuffyFuckYou · 18/09/2016 10:26

A wise person once told me that the most important thing about someone, the thing that shows you care, is their name, and remembering it. Correctly

Seriously, someone spelling your name correctly is the most important thing? Not love, support, money, time...but spelling?

People are WEIRD.

BertrandRussell · 18/09/2016 10:32

"A wise person once told me that the most important thing about someone, the thing that shows you care, is their name, and remembering it. Correctly"

Blimey. Sorry, Catherine and Katharine, seems Aunt Bertrand doesn't love you as much as she says/thought she did!

SymbollocksInteractionism · 18/09/2016 10:34

This is trivial and is such a non issue that I can't believe an adult would actually waste brain space worrying about it! (unless there are other issues with these friends you're not telling us OP?)

acasualobserver · 18/09/2016 10:39

I've a feeling that wise person didn't exist. Anyway, I think this name pronunciation/spelling fixation - and it's a fairly regular topic here - is all a bit bizarre. Can anyone really get that worked up about it? Enough to dump a friend? My forename and surname are regularly spelled and/or pronounced incorrectly - both have commonly used variant forms. If I can be bothered, or it's important that someone has the correct spelling, I say something. Most of the time I just ignore it. I'm 62 and I can honestly say this issue has never made me feel in the least bit slighted or angry. Get some perspective.

MirabelleTree · 18/09/2016 10:51

My lovely friend doesn't get DD's name right but she has been there for both of us through some horrendous times and kept me going. I value that far more than anything else. DD has a name with different spellings and with a history of dyslexia in the family, she at nearly 18 is well used to the variations that come in and is just grateful they made the effort.

I really don't think it is done on purpose and some people find it much harder to remember spellings than others, absolutely no reflection about your relationship with them.

Original poster

IntravenousCaffeine · 18/09/2016 10:52

I love mumsnet and the fact people take the time to read and post. Thank you for all your comments. I either have to shut up and put up, or if it bothers me that much mention it. Either way this is the start of years of this from picking a name we love that has two spellings.

Funnily enough my name has two spellings and I've never had a problem. However since I got married my surname poses problems galore. That hasn't bothered me at all so I'm not precious over such things usually. Perhaps now I've put my frustration in black and white I can see there's probably more to this than just the mis-spelling. Lots of little things and it's the straw that broke the camels back!!

As always love having the mumsnet world to talk to

OP posts:

yeOldeTrout · 18/09/2016 11:00

I like it when people mispell my name... I think it's cute.

I may have to correct it in work situations, but socially, in casual situations, no problem.

LikeDylanInTheMovies · 18/09/2016 11:04

YAB a bit U

Yes in an ideal world they should get your daughter's name right, but she has a first name that is relatively unusual and has two very similar spellings, it is fairly inevitable that there will be misspellings.

I'm sure she'll be in good company with all the people called Ann and Philip who get cards addressed to Anne and Phillip.

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