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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my best friends to spell my daughters name correctly?

78 replies

IntravenousCaffeine · 17/09/2016 21:20

Close close friends, those that are like sisters persistently keep spelling my daughter's name wrong. It's Madison, not Maddison.

I know it may sound trivial but it's starting to annoy the hell out of me. When my friends have children I make a note of their birthdays and correct spellings so in future years there's never any doubt.

Acquaintances I can accept and older family members who are losing their marbles! But I'm talking about best friends that are visiting within hours of you giving birth. They got it right in the first few months and brought personalised gifts (correctly spelt) so they have remembered previously. Perhaps it's just me - but these best best friends should surely continue to remember know how I spell my daughters name or perhaps they just can't be arsed trying to remember which version it is?

OP posts:

Chinnygirl · 17/09/2016 23:04

My name can be written in two different spwllings. I have multiple uncles and aunts who spell it wrong. I also have a colleague who I have to email at least everyday for the pas 8 years who hits reply and still spells my name wrong. And it's an easy name (think anna/anne)

I give up. If I ever have a kid I'll call him schnicklefritzel. Maybe then people will try to spell a name correctly.

Lindy2 · 17/09/2016 23:10

My name regularly gets spelled wrong by loads of people. Even in text or email conversations where I put my correctly spelt name at the end of each message, they'll still write it incorrectly in their replies. I actually find it quite funny. It is a 4 letter name so not really that hard. However, it really isn't worth getting worked up over and I know there is no deliberate intention to upset or offend. Why get offended just because someone is a little careless with a spelling. It's nice to get cards and invitations even if the name isn't quite right. You'll probably have a lifetime of this so it's easier just to accept it IMO otherwuse you'll be permanently annoyed. I try to only worry about the bigger stuff in life.

Original poster

IntravenousCaffeine · 17/09/2016 23:10

Thanks guys. Lots of other friends and family have misspelt her name. I accept that. My best best friend is the real issue here.

She's like a sister to me. She knows me inside out and knows more about me than anyone else. She knows how it's spelt and has either had a brain transplant recently or just cant be bothered. Haven't seen much of each other recently which is unusual, now with this name error I'm beginning to wonder if she actually gives a shit at all. I guess we all have our own priorities but it's the little things that count.

OP posts:

GreatFuckability · 17/09/2016 23:13

I have 2 friends with dd's called Maisy/Maisie. I can never for the life of me remember which is which!

my sisters routinely spell my kids names wrong. it does bug me a bit, but i know its not personal or that they dont care about them. they just can't spell!

Coconut0il · 17/09/2016 23:14

The same close friends always spell DS2's name wrong. I've never had this with DS1 and I feel uncomfortable pointing it out, they see me write it all the time but still spell it wrong. I've only ever seen it spelt the way we spell it, their versions are made up.
YANBU, if I'm unsure I would always check. My best friend's DS has a name hat can be spelt 4 ways. I've made sure since day 1 I knew which she was using.

BertrandRussell · 17/09/2016 23:14

"A wise person once told me that the most important thing about someone, the thing that shows you care, is their name, and remembering it. Correctly"

I don't think that was a wise person at all. The most important thing is loving and remembering someone. Even if you add an extra letter.

Remembering how to spell a name is easy. Remembering how to love someone is difficult.

MyWineTime · 17/09/2016 23:16

Whilst it is irritating that friends do this, you need to accept that this will always happen. It's a name that can be spelt either way.

LaContessaDiPlump · 17/09/2016 23:19

I bet if she has kids and you spelt one of their names wrong she'd be well pissed off, though.

I have a younique first name (dad spelt it oddly on birth cert and here we are) so don't mind correcting people once or twice. I start to get annoyed if people persistently get it wrong though, because what they are really saying is that I'm not important enough for them to make this small effort. People who actively seem to feel bad about the repeated mistake get a bit of a pass, but those who all-but-shrug and dismiss it get an instant add onto my internal shitlist. I may also deliberately spell their name wrong in future

GabsAlot · 17/09/2016 23:21

it is rude but does happens

my nan couldnt spell or say my name right even though my df corrected her every time

i get it alot with my name but really used to annoy me when nan done it as she was compus mentis so should have got it right once at least

allsfairinlove · 17/09/2016 23:38

YANBU. I have a slightly but not terribly unusual first name but quite a commonly used christian name as a surname (like Jossie Harriet for example) and the number of times I get called Harriet instead of Jossie makes me .

It always makes me feel like I'm back at school and being summoned by the headmaster or something. It's Jossie FFS. It's not that fucking hard!

Sorry OP. Rant over. Did I say YANBU already? YANBU!

MissKatieVictoria · 17/09/2016 23:43

My full first name is Kathryn, my gran always called me Cathy(i HATE being called Kathy) and she always spelled it with a C. When signing up to stuff i spell my name out to people and i still get it spelled Catherine most of the time.

Liiinoo · 17/09/2016 23:46

My DD has a name that has many, many different spellings throughout Europe. The version we chose is uncommon in the UK and people often get it wrong. My general attitude is that it is our fault for picking something unusual.

The exception to that is school. I expect them to get it right. If they can spell myriad Central European and African names correctly I would them to get hers right. It feels racist when they don't but they seldom do.

Her own Grandparents get it wrong often, despite it being a variant common to their country of origin.

And today I got a text from a mate thanking DD for a thank you note. The text misspelt the name despite it appearing on the front and inside of the note as well as in the photo that was in the envelope.

And finally - within our close circle of friends and family we have a Sean, a Shaun, a Shawn, a Shauna, a Sionha, and a Siobnna. All spelt differently but pronounced pretty much the same. How can I remember which is which? It's a minefield.

Bluebolt · 17/09/2016 23:53

It is only rude it it is deliberate, i have an Irish name with an English spelling. If someone has always spelt it one way it becomes a habit. My name also reminds many of a completely different name I now answer to two names.

SovietKitsch · 17/09/2016 23:54

Spent the afternoon with my in laws, they've known me for years, they've called me the wrong name all day - one letter different, sounds quite similar, not my name. I get called the wrong thing all the time at least they weren't using the male version but I suppose it feels more weird when it's people who should know better. But you know what, it doesn't matter.

ItWentInMyEye · 17/09/2016 23:59

My oldest, best friend spells my youngest sons name wrong ALL THE TIME. Even after I mention his name in a Facebook status, she will still spell his name wrong in a comment underneath not sure if she just can't be arsed or what but it does piss me off on occasions like that.

BackforGood · 18/09/2016 00:08

YABU, as you say yourself I guess everyone has different views on what's important. For a lot of people, loving and remembering that person is important but going to a notebook to look up the spelling just isn't. As someone said upthread, many of us have friends by the same name with 2 different spellings. In the list of things I have to remember each day, knowing which of them spells it each way doesn't usually get into the top 100 thing I need to remember. So no doubt I've made mistakes in the past and put the wrong spelling, but I kind of assume that most people think like I do and would think "Oh, how nice BfG has remembered my birthday, how nice that she got me a card", rather than "this card only gets 9/10 for spelling, and, now I look closely, the handwriting is pretty poor too"

pictish · 18/09/2016 00:19

Honestly I think you're being a little teeny smidge precious about this. My dd has a similar name in that there is more than one way of spelling it. People often get it wrong...even my very best friends. She is going to have a lifetime of this. Best get over it already imo.

budgetsbonus · 18/09/2016 00:23

i have to confess sometimes i forget how which way my child's name is spelled. i never get it wrong but often every so often i have to think before writing!

i really wouldnt take it as lack of interest or lack of caring about your dd or you.

ChippyMinton · 18/09/2016 00:37

DD has the most popular spelling of a well-known name. She gets myriad spellings and pronunciations.

The one time I felt compelled to complain was when her teacher spelt it incorrectly on the front of her spelling exercise book.

Don't take it personally, would be my advice. The important thing is that your DD is being sent invitations and cards etc.

Weedsnseeds1 · 18/09/2016 03:19

I frequently get my name spelled with a double l, when it has one. I also get called Clare, Charlotte, Colleen.... as I am a twin I also automatically answer to my sister's name ( we don't look alike, but my parent's friends always seemed to feel obliged to assume all twins are identical and "confuse" us). Didn't. bother me half as much as the combined birthday / Christmas presents, as we also have the misfortune to be late December children!

katemess12 · 18/09/2016 03:36

I think it's just something you'll have to accept, to be honest.

My name has been popular forever, and there are two accepted spellings, but one is much more popular in the West than the other spelling. That doesn't stop people from spelling it the less common way. It doesn't bother me.

I chose to avoid certain names for this reason though. I liked Genevieve, but knew that it would get butchered even by my own family.

NightWanderer · 18/09/2016 03:39

Why don't you speak to her about it? When DS was born a lot of my family spelt his name wrong. It really isn't a difficult name. However, I do break out in sweat when I write a card to my friend's son Conor.

I have a friend whose son is called Atticus. I was checking his name on Facebook for how to write it on his birthday card, but it looked wrong so I checked another post and sure enough she must have misspelt it.

RhiWrites · 18/09/2016 05:49

This is literally looking a gift horse in the mouth.

People are remembering your daughter and sending her cards and presents. That's a good thing.

People spell my name wrong all the time. But it's not done with malice. Its just those duplicate letters throw people.

AnnaT45 · 18/09/2016 05:56

I have this with DD from SIL and one of my best friends. I've corrected and it's still being ignored. I do spell it the less common way and I like to think it's not been misspelled deliberately!

mollie123 · 18/09/2016 06:42

yes - it is v trivial
Correct it once and if they are really 'close' friends let it go.

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