Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is a fucking fuck!

76 replies

maybethedayafter · 17/09/2016 21:00

I just got the baby to sleep and then FH (Fucking Husband) came in the fucking room and started fucking talking to me. What fucking idiot would think that's a good fucking idea! For fuck sake!

OP posts:
JaniceBattersby · 17/09/2016 22:31

My husband is an on-call firefighter. 3am, alerter goes off. Bang, crash down the stairs then... Pause.... BANG as he slams the front door. Every fucking time. I always end up with all three kids in the bed with me.

Sallystyle · 17/09/2016 22:34

My fucking husband took the children to play football and I had a nap on the couch. He came home with the kids and they fucking woke me up arguing about the fucking game.

Fuck the lot of them.

NineLivesKitten · 17/09/2016 22:39

I feel your pain. I still can't believe Dh and I are still together after "the motorway incident". We had a long drive to do so left at dc's bedtime so they would sleep and not ask endless questions for 8 hours. DC fell asleep. Dh decided he needed a wee. And he slammed the car door when he went. DC cried the whole night.

fragiolo · 17/09/2016 22:57

He is a narcissist/ sociopath/ has a personality disorder. Or do you think he might be depressed?

LurkyLurkerMcLurkface · 17/09/2016 23:41

KTB (kill the bastard )
If he's dead he can't make any noise.
Nearly happened to my DH today. I'm poorly sick on the sofa, high temperature etc, fast asleep. He comes in and wakes me up to see if I'll take DS for an hour so he can have a nap. Fucker.
He's now fast asleep next to me. I might see if I can push him out of bed and pretend I was sleep shoving Grin

Fishface77 · 17/09/2016 23:50

Book a ticket to Maui.
Leave him with the baby and book a spa weekend, that'll learn the bastard.
LTB
Send him a glitter bomb
Take his credit card and buy yoursef something nice
Or just punch him in the ball secretive he wakes the baby. He'll learn pretty quick. It's like a modified pavlovs dog thing.

lovelilies · 17/09/2016 23:50

I think mine is louder Oyster.
Honestly, when he sneezes, people dive for cover. And babies scream. It's ridiculous!
And he's allergic to bloody everything so sneezes a lot

Rrross1ges · 18/09/2016 07:29

Have you considered deleting everything he has saved on Tivo?

I've done that a time or two. Most notably after he compared his sore back to my first c section. The one which lasted 3 hours because I haemorrhaged and the spinal wore off and I had to go to high dependency and the recovery took ages. Hypochondriac idiot!

Also he went to the GP with a trapped fart, claiming that he had appendicitis and with a torn muscle that he decided was a DVT.

Original poster
maybethedayafter · 18/09/2016 07:39

Also he went to the GP with a trapped fart

That's hilarious! I hope the GP told him so.

OP posts:
hesterton · 18/09/2016 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToriaPumpkin · 18/09/2016 07:55

My two are now almost five and two and a half. The younger one is still up most nights and a very light sleeper unless she's in a properly deep sleep. The older one has thankfully grown out of it unless something goes wrong.

A couple of months ago we were going through a particularly bad phase with DD. She was taking up to 90 minutes to go to sleep, during which I had to stay upstairs, put her back to bed, listen to her scream, try and keep her calm etc. She finally began to settle after about 45 minutes. DH decided to put together a shelving unit in the living room. Directly below her room. With an electric drill. I shouted down the stairs "Are you taking the piss?" Which was, I felt, a lot milder than I could have shouted at that point given I'd not had a full night's sleep for about four and a half years. He didn't speak to me for a day because I swore at him.

When asked about sleep problems he always says our two weren't that bad. You'd honestly think he'd remember the SCBU stay, the reflux, the eight hour daily screaming sessions and that it used to take me hours every day to get either of them to sleep. Apparently not.

When DS was eight months old I'd just got him to sleep for the first time all day. We were staying with friends who invited us out to see some other friends. DH told me I was being selfish in not wanting to go so to put him in the pram and he'd sleep in that. He didn't. He screamed all afternoon and DH wanted to know why I couldn't just make him go to sleep.

gladisgood · 18/09/2016 07:59

How do you trap a fart?

Original poster
maybethedayafter · 18/09/2016 08:10

Toria your DH is lucky to still be alive by the sounds of it. I hope you told him that if it's so bloody easy he could get him to sleep!

OP posts:
Habaneroplants · 18/09/2016 08:18

Also he went to the GP with a trapped fart - has me crying 😂😂 Dp is looking at me like I have lost my mind.

HonniBee · 18/09/2016 08:29

my DH is a loud sneezer but if the baby is sleeping he grabs a pillow to cover his face before he sneezes. Grin
Should I send him round to give lessons?

SaggyNaggy · 18/09/2016 08:32

Op.... I seriously suggest taking him to Curry's/PC world. Tell him you'd like a new TV, a nice 4K one. Have a nosy, let him get a bit excited, say up to a £1000 should do. After he's wandered around and picked one, arrange delivery and pay with cheque and then cancel the whole order and cheque tomorrow.
That'll fuck him the fucker.
(Feel free to replace 4k TV with anything he particularly wants right now)

JudyCoolibar · 18/09/2016 08:39

Why is it that some men seem to shout when they sneeze? If the rest of us manage it without engaging the vocal cords, surely it can't be that difficult.

JudyCoolibar · 18/09/2016 08:43

DS went through a phase of getting really upset whenever anyone left the house. Every sodding morning we'd have a routine involving DH going out, DS crying, I calm him down, DH comes back because he's forgotten something and goes out again, DS gets upset again, all repeated at least twice more. Eventually I told DH that if he didn't make sure that, once he was gone he was gone, I was going to bar the door against him.

MrsHathaway · 18/09/2016 08:47

NineLives - that reminds me ...

Difficult weekend at my parents' with very small DC2 and newly potty-trained DC1, neither of whom really understood how to sleep in the wrong house. We begin the ~200 mile journey and after maybe five miles both DC are asleep. That means they're likely to sleep all the way home which in turn means our music on the radio all the way home and I might even snatch half an hour with my eyes shut.

Two miles later, he announces he's stopping to get some Coke at the services. I beg and plead but to no avail. As he casually slams the car door, both DC wake up and scream.

And scream.

And scream.

Which was bad enough. But we reached the motorway about ninety seconds after an accident, and were sitting on that same bit of tarmac for a couple of hours. DC1 had to have a wee in the potty (thank fuck we'd kept it handy) to be poured out on the road; DC2 had several miserable uncomfortable bfs. Nobody slept at all.

So now we have a very strict "if someone is asleep we don't stop unless possibly your bladder will actually explode" rule.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 18/09/2016 08:53

Ds1 was a terrible sleeper. Dh had a habit of chucking his keys onto the bedside cabinet and slamming the loo door in the night.

To this day, DH has no idea how close he came to death. I'd plot how I'd kill him while bouncing DS around the room. For hours...

dylsmimi · 18/09/2016 09:07

First night of ds3 bring home MIL washed up which consists of banging every piece of crockery about and slamming every cupboard door (& still get the wrong one)
Then decides to put the bin out - God knows what she did but it sounded as if she threw a whole wheelie bin down a flight of stairs with a brass band!! Must have woke the whole street up (& bin didn't need to go out) - how she didn't end up in the bin I will never know!!

Nottsangel2015 · 18/09/2016 09:08

Omg crying at this thread! I'm lucky that both me and dp understate the rule of not disturbing when putting baby to sleep or whilst they are sleeping so for that I'm thankful!
Dc1 and sd do not understand this rule and always seem to be their loudest as soon as dd2 has gone to bed all day I swear you don't hear them is like they don't exist then come 7.30om it's like woop woop lets have a party, bang everything around jump around the room and fuck knows what else they are doing!! They slam the bathroom door which really fucks me off - there is a door handle for a reason use it!!!!
I don't know how some of you are not in prison for murder!! Fuckwit men some of them are! Mine is a proper fuckwit sometimes just not with waking the baby lol
Feel for you OP I'd have punched him in the throat!

RaspberryOverload · 18/09/2016 09:17

I think the "you wake them, you take them" rule is a good one.

I think there are still too many men around who don't think about their actions because they aren't dealing with the consequences.

ToriaPumpkin · 18/09/2016 10:51

dylsmimi I think we share a MIL. We went to stay with her when DD was not very many months old, still very refluxy and a terrible sleeper, however if we got her down between 6 and 7 without her getting overtired we were usually guaranteed a few hours of peace before the first night feed.

I took her up, DS, DH and FIL put a film on and settled down. MIL left every door in the house open and started a Greek plate smashing dance from the sounds of things. I eventually asked DH to get her to pack it in via the monitor. When I finally came down, an hour or so later, there was a glass of wine waiting for me and nobody spoke for a while.

OneForTheDitch · 18/09/2016 10:59

Stifling giggles read this I am reading this in exP bed after waking up here after to much Wine

Swipe left for the next trending thread