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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to end my maternity leave 9 months early?

68 replies

GlitterKisses · 16/09/2016 11:52

To cut a long story short my baby is now 4 weeks old and during pregnancy me and my partner made the decision for me to take a years maternity leave despite him being 100% willing to take time off and let me go back. I have lately been feeling slightly resentful of him being able to go off to work and socialise with other adults. I dont have many mummy friends and all baby classes and groups in my local area have a waiting list due to high demand so we can't gain access to them for at least another 4 months. Anyway, all this led to me one day deciding that I was going to look for a new job (one that pays well enough for us to be able to afford childcare as we wouldnt be able to afford it if I went back to my previous job) Whilst looking at jobs I stumbled across an amazing role that was well paid and exactly what I want to do. So I applied. To be honest I didn't actually think I would get anywhere so didn't think anything of it but I have received a call his morning inviting me for an interview. Now I don't know what to do!! This job would be an amazing opportunity. It's close to home, exactly what I have spent the last 10 years aiming for, very flexible and the pay is amazing. I know I haven't actually been offered the job but I can't help but feel so guilty that I am excited at the prospect of going back to work when I have planned maternity leave. I am worried I will miss out on my baby :( wibu to go to the interview or do you think I would be a terrible mother for even considering it?

OP posts:

SpeckledyBanana · 16/09/2016 11:54

You would not be a terrible mother. It's not so long ago that you'd be out of maty leave at 3 months.

Go to the interview, see how you feel if you're offered the job.

MotherKat · 16/09/2016 11:55

Go for it or regret will spoil the rest of your Mat leave.

DoinItFine · 16/09/2016 11:55

You should definitely attend the interview.

This is a great opportunity.

Not everyone enjoys maternity leave.

It's fine to want to work.

pitterpatterrain · 16/09/2016 11:56

Yup go for the interview! Good luck!

blueturtle6 · 16/09/2016 11:57

Go for it, if you are missing her too much can always request reduced hours after a few months maybe?

Dogcatred · 16/09/2016 11:57

I went back with al the children between 2 - 5 weeks so you are certainly not unusual or wrong and plenty of men go back that quickly too. It is fine. Go for it. I expressed breast milk at work and that worked well too and then I breastfed as soon as I got home (all night of course as my babies didn't sleep much) and immediately before I left home.

Lapinlapin · 16/09/2016 11:57

Well definitely go to the interview for starters. Then if you're offered the job you can decide what to do. But if you don't even go, you'll never know and will probably always regret it.

Chippednailvarnishing · 16/09/2016 11:58

You have nothing to lose, go for it!

Tippytoes13 · 16/09/2016 11:59

I think this decision rests on you and your husband. Do you need to go back so soon for financial reasons? Or is it because you are missing the social contact? If there is no financial reason, I think you will be missing an awful lot during the early months, it's not something I could do personally, it is hard being a SAHM, as I've been at home with my daughter for 14 months now, there are times it can feel isolating and I do miss adult interaction, but I've loved seeing her reach different milestones and knowing that we get to spend those important early years together, which you can never get back.

Oly5 · 16/09/2016 11:59

Go for the interview!! Don't mention your baby or childcare to them. Act like a man who never mentions these things!
If your other half is willing to take some time off to look after your baby why not?!
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for. In my experience, maternity leave is a lonely place. I am much happier being back at work and still see loads of my kids.

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2016 11:59

Go for the interview! Many parents are all the better for spending a bit of time away from their kids (I am one of these).

I always marvel at how my DC love their dad to bits and always have done, despite only seeing him in the morning and evening 5 days a week for the first 2 years of their lives. I, on the other hand, spent every minute of that time with them with very few exceptions. Did they show me the same devotion? Fuck no.

Go for the interview!!

welshweasel · 16/09/2016 12:00

Absolutely go for the interview and give it your best shot. If you get the job you can decide then. I went back to work at 4 months and don't regret my decision at all.

HobnailsandTaffeta · 16/09/2016 12:00

Take it a step at a time, go for the interview and if you get it then decide.

Is it full time? Will you get time with baby around work?

My maternity leaves got progressively shorter from 18 months to only 4 months last time, but I have a flexible job and got just the right balance of baby and sanity!

Sad about the baby groups though that's ridiculous, is there no church hall play time or ANYTHING you can do??

Oly5 · 16/09/2016 12:01

Afraid I don't agree with Tippy. Your baby won't remember what on earth you did on mat leave. I've bonded much more with my
Kids since mat leave ended. I find that as they get older it just gets better and better!

lostoldlogin2 · 16/09/2016 12:02

Maternity leave where I live is 4 months. My mum when back to work when I was 11 weeks. Staying at home for a year or more is not for everyone. If you find a great job then go for it. You might not get offered it again. No guilt about working!

Hobbes8 · 16/09/2016 12:03

Go for the interview. Some jobs can spend months sorting out their recruitment processes, especially if they are strict on full references. If you get the job it could be 4-5 months till they give you a start date. Other candidates might be on 3 months notice anyway. You might end up starting when your baby is 6 months or so, which is a pretty normal time to go back to work.

And don't mention the baby! Good luck.

Thurlow · 16/09/2016 12:05

Definitely go for the interview, you can still think about what decision you want to make over the next few days.

Being a SAHP isn't for everyone. Having said that, 4w is still hardly any time and you are still adjusting to your new life and looking after a baby, which may be coloring your opinions. It's probably only been 6, 7 weeks that you haven't been at work?

But if you love the job and you want to go back and have good childcare sorted then GO. You will not be a bad mum for going back to work.

RainyDayBear · 16/09/2016 12:07

It sounds like you really want it, so go for it! Best of luck

Tippytoes13 · 16/09/2016 12:07

Oly5-Where did I mention the baby remembering what they did on maternity leave, I was talking about watching them meet their milestones, not the baby remembering what they did together, off course they wouldn't remember that much at such an early age

Original poster

GlitterKisses · 16/09/2016 12:09

Thank you all. I think that the guilt is stemming from the fact that I applied for the job whilst in a fit of jealousy that my partner gets a break. I dont think you realise how difficult parenthood is going to be. I don't want to feel like i just ran away from it because I couldn't cope.

hobnails I have looked everywhere but all the baby and mother groups are full. It would take me an hour and a half to get to the nearest available one and that is relying on public transport. It is really sad because I had all these ideas of what maternity leave was going to be like and it is nothing like that. Although it has only been four weeks so is that too soon? Should I be trying harder and sticking it out??

OP posts:

TheGrumpySquirrel · 16/09/2016 12:09

Go for the job! Be sure to come back and let us know how it goes! Good luck OP

Iggi999 · 16/09/2016 12:11

If they offer you the job, they may be willing to wait a few months before you start. At the very least they'd wait the equivalent of someone else's notice period. I wouldn't do it for any old job but if it's the ideal job for you then I would, like a shot.

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2016 12:16

Well tbf, at only 4 weeks I don't feel that you get much back from babies - they're just pooing/eating/screaming/occasionally sleeping machines at that point IMO. When they start actually looking at you and interacting a bit more then they do become more fun and engaging, it's true. Unfortunately they reach peak fun time at around a year when you're expected to return to work anyway!! So you'll miss out on a few interactions, that's true, but all for a good cause down the road; happy parents, happy baby.

On a personal note, I have never done any potty training (through 2 DC!) as nursery and DH did all of it. Quite happy to have skipped merrily over that milestone thanks very much

TheLastHeatwave · 16/09/2016 12:21

Glitter

I think you should go for the interview. It might give you a bit of an idea of how you'd feel.

I don't think it's a matter of 'trying harder' or 'sticking it out' but maybe accepting that tiny, tiny babies can be hard work, especially if you're not getting much sleep. Most new mum's say the first 12 weeks were the hardest & it gets better after that. That's for lots of reasons, but quite a bit of it is that they start to be more rewarding. Recognising you, smiling, gurgling, doing cute stuff.

There's nothing wrong with going back to work if you want to, but you might be jumping the gun & regret it later. Baby groups will have vacancies, you'll meet other mums in coffee shops, at the park, weighing clinic, online , even on here. If you give it a bit if time, it might be how you'd thought it would be.

Of course you can 'bond' with your baby either way, but YOU cannot have these first years back later. YOU might miss out on things you wish you hadn't.

Goingtobeawesome · 16/09/2016 12:26

Will your husband start being supportive?

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