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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to end my maternity leave 9 months early?

68 replies

GlitterKisses · 16/09/2016 11:52

To cut a long story short my baby is now 4 weeks old and during pregnancy me and my partner made the decision for me to take a years maternity leave despite him being 100% willing to take time off and let me go back. I have lately been feeling slightly resentful of him being able to go off to work and socialise with other adults. I dont have many mummy friends and all baby classes and groups in my local area have a waiting list due to high demand so we can't gain access to them for at least another 4 months. Anyway, all this led to me one day deciding that I was going to look for a new job (one that pays well enough for us to be able to afford childcare as we wouldnt be able to afford it if I went back to my previous job) Whilst looking at jobs I stumbled across an amazing role that was well paid and exactly what I want to do. So I applied. To be honest I didn't actually think I would get anywhere so didn't think anything of it but I have received a call his morning inviting me for an interview. Now I don't know what to do!! This job would be an amazing opportunity. It's close to home, exactly what I have spent the last 10 years aiming for, very flexible and the pay is amazing. I know I haven't actually been offered the job but I can't help but feel so guilty that I am excited at the prospect of going back to work when I have planned maternity leave. I am worried I will miss out on my baby :( wibu to go to the interview or do you think I would be a terrible mother for even considering it?

OP posts:

FruitCider · 16/09/2016 12:28

OP you don't cease to be a person because you are a mother. Your life matters too! So if you want to go for the interview and start work if you are successful, go for it

Celine314 · 16/09/2016 12:28

Go For It. I had a lot of people around me when I was on mat leave, but still had bad PPD and couldn't share what I was feeling with anyone. I decided to start working part-time when dd was 8 months old and it was the best decision ever. Yes, a particular colleague made it difficult, but since she has left, I have grown in my role. The positivity from my role has influenced my relationship with dd and I'm more connected and involved with her. I have bonded more with her in the past 8 months than in the first 8 months of her life. Best of luck for your interview!

waterrat · 16/09/2016 12:34

Having young children is a long road.

IF you can get a job you love that is flexible that means you will be spending time with them at 1 year/ 2 years old .

Could you push a hard bargain in an interview and say you would lvoe the job but would like to start gradually - what does 'flexible' actually mean?

I have to say 4 weeks is such a short time in that I think you should be careful of acting on your feelings.

You say baby groups are full - do you not have friends/ NCT group etc? The NCT usually run coffee mornings, they do where I live.

Libraries usually have music groups etc.

I found the early days with a baby pretty soul destroying - but you may regret going back if you are away from the baby four days a week - if you could go back 2 days and work towards doing 3 then I would probably take it.

MrsMook · 16/09/2016 12:36

My colleague went for an interview when baby was 4 weeks. She was able to transfer some of her maternity leave and started after the half term rather than September. It was a beneficial move long term as it significantly reduced her commute.

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/09/2016 12:38

Also, if you go for the job and it doesn't work out/you start missing your DD too much, you can always explain this and hand in your notice. No-one will be surprised at such an occurence. Also, even if you spent only a small period in their employ, you'll have given the employer a first-hand demonstration of your aptitude for the role and (if positive, which I'm sure it will be) they may be more likely to re-employ you in future on the basis of that demostration. Employers often prefer to recruit people they know to be good rather than unknown entities.

Mrscog · 16/09/2016 12:39

Another one saying definitely go for it! You may not get it anyway and if you do you will probably not have to start immediately anyway as they'd be expecting someone to give 4 weeks notice.

I definitely am a better parent working - day in day out parenting/house stuff/baby groups nearly drove me insane. Don't feel guilty about it - the Dads don't.

KitKat1985 · 16/09/2016 12:42

It sounds like a fab opportunity. You would be mad to not try for it. Lots of women (and most men!) only have a few weeks maternity leave so you wouldn't be unusual.

The only thing I would warn about is having to work when you are exhausted from having been up upteen times a night etc. You need to go be prepared for the fact that it's tough juggling new parent exhaustion with work.

SharonfromEON · 16/09/2016 12:45

I am a childminder... I have had babies from 6 weeks old...They adapt really easily. They settle in really easily.
I would also say 4 weeks now..You will have interview ( assuming you get it ..Good luck) you may well have pre employment checks, DBS ( dependant upon job) baby wouldn't be 4 weeks when you started work. could easily be another couple of months from now and you are talking 3 months.

JinkxMonsoon · 16/09/2016 12:53

I'm going to go against the grain here and say are you feeling depressed? Your baby is only a few weeks old and you've mentioned feeling lonely and isolated. I totally understand that because I was in the same situation.

I'm not going to say one way or another that you should go back to work, but the problem with MN is it's so overwhelmingly pro-working mother on here, you're invariably going to get people saying "Yes! Go back to work!"

I think you need to ask yourself why you want an escape from the baby. And that is not me judging you, I promise. I had PND and the first year of my DD's life was pretty miserable. So maybe I'm projecting my experience onto your situation, but I think you need to reflect on how your feelings might be clouding your judgement right now.

QueenLizIII · 16/09/2016 12:58

If you start this job, it doesnt work out and you hand in your notice, you have then lost the ability to go back to your old job once your baby is one and your mat leave is up.

Can you afford that outcome?

mrsmortis · 16/09/2016 13:03

Just as a heads up - there are practicalities involved here too.

What are you going to do if you start work in 8 weeks. Is DH going to stay at home for a while? Or are you expecting baby to go straight into childcare. Around here you would be every unlikely to get a nursery place at that short notice. Some of my friends put baby down at 8 weeks pregnant to go back to work at just before baby's first birthday.

I am by no means saying you shouldn't go back. I went back to work when DD1 was 6 months and DD2 was 4. But I knew that that was what I was going to have to do (I'm the main breadwinner) so we had planned for it. If I were you I would go to the interview and see how you feel. But at the same time start looking into the practicalities.

WipsGlitter · 16/09/2016 13:12

Go for the job and ask them to wait until your mat leave is over we have someone doing this in our place.

notinagreatplace · 16/09/2016 13:13

If it's a reasonably senior role, they may assume that you'd have a 3 month notice anyway so you could negotiate a bit longer at home before you started.

mmgirish · 16/09/2016 13:19

Do it! I took 11 weeks off for my first and 9 weeks off for my second. It was fine. We bonded well. The relationships with them now are strong and well.

harshbuttrue1980 · 16/09/2016 13:27

Young babies need a loving, stable carer. It doesn't really matter who this is - it doesn't have to be the mother. Go back to work, but focus a lot of energy on finding truly excellent, loving childcare, so your baby can build a strong bond with someone. A nanny or childminder would be perfect, or else a nursery with a very small baby:carer ratio and a lovely key worker who is going to provide cuddles and attention. If your baby goes into childcare from a young age, they won't know any different and that will just be the way of life for them. You don't miss what you've never known, but with a 4 week old baby, the choice of childcarer is even more important than it would be with an older child so they can build an attachment.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 16/09/2016 13:31

Perfect jobs don't come along every day. I applied for mine while pregnant and they held it open for me because we were the perfect fit. That may not happen but more money, flexibility, career satisfaction are all big ticks on the go for it page!! Your partner could still take time off and let you go back. Take the first step and follow your instincts.

The future is further away than we can see, you can only make decisions based on what is in front of you right now and known that there are many more years and many more decisions in the future so while what you decide now will change your immediate future, you can always make other decisions later on.

Amummyatlast · 16/09/2016 13:31

I understand. I had agreed with DH that I would do the first 6 months and he would do the next 6 months. OMG, that was the longest 6 months ever. Staying at home with babies doesn't suit all me but my DH loves being a SAHP. So the go for the interview and see what happens.

insan1tyscartching · 16/09/2016 13:33

I went back when ds was six weeks old, I'd have gone sooner if the would have had me tbh (PND). Ds went to a childminder and he thrived and I felt 100% better getting out of the house. Your ds will be fine too.

VerbenaGirl · 16/09/2016 13:34

Go for it! I suspect this was meant to be. I planned to take a year off with my DD1 - but found a perfect new job and started it when she was 6 months old. I'm so glad that I did - as I still work in the same organisation now, and it's great.

Hellochicken · 16/09/2016 13:35

I'd go for it.

Lorelei76 · 16/09/2016 13:37

oh I think you should

one of my friends was almost dying of boredom a similar time into her leave and asked her company if they could take her back early - they couldn't because of the way they had hired the maternity cover of course, that man was meant to be guranteed the job for x period of time.

at the start, she just accepted it but in her words, "after I'd watched every single TED talk there is, I just couldn't do it any more" and she asked her employer again if she could be given work anywhere else, they said no, she got another job.

don't worry, it's all different strokes for different folks. She was a much better happier mum for going back to work early anyway. She was just a bit stunned at how boring it was and also, she said to me re the mother and baby groups (which she did go to) that she was disappointed because she didn't want to talk about babies so it didn't help anyway.

CitizenBloom · 16/09/2016 13:40

I wouldn't think twice. Get offered the job, and then negotiate a starting date, which may be delayable. Maternity leave is awful, isolating and dull. If circumstances had allowed, I'd have returned to work before my CS scar knitted.

LIZS · 16/09/2016 13:42

I'd go for it but bear in mind babies change so rapidly that even a few weeks down the line your lo will become more interactive and develop a personality. So by the time the recruitment process has concluded and you/dp resign you may feel differently, or not. Some groups aren't worth attending until 4-6 months but in the meantime do you have any drop in Mums and Tots groups locally, try your HV, children's centre, library or NCT for ideas. Buggy exercise usually doesn't limit numbers. Some people love going to one just for a chat and to get out of the house. Personally I preferred the more focussed music groups, swimming etc. Good luck.

Dogcatred · 16/09/2016 13:47

Do remember the childcare is a cost both of you need to incur, not just you. There are plenty of marriages where fathers do as much as mothers, take the children to nursery etc etc. Do not accept any sexism in a marriage even for a day.

cestlavielife · 16/09/2016 13:54

go for the interview!

i went back to work at four months for all three dc as that was the norm then...at four moths or six months it is absolutely fine so long as you have good childcare!

and I've loved coming home and hearing from the nanny about the little different milestones and watching them perform again for me too;
and knowing that during those important early years together, I could devote evenings eg winding down with bath and bedtime with them
and devote weekends to them and
afford a cleaner during the week, so weekends were for family time (not housework) as you can never get back those early years.

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