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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest answers needed

76 replies

Bonny1980 · 16/09/2016 00:22

There was a post on FB from a friend / more of an acquaintance earlier of 20 professional looking perfectly styled photos of their new kitchen dining extension, detailing how hard and incredibly stressful not to mention messy the building process had been, and a follow up post and pic of the couple chinking their prosecco with their 2 perfect angels in their arms, insert "team family name lots of hashtags new beginnings can't wait to put the Christmas decorations up" etc.

Then the instant likes and comments that ran up to hundreds. Omg it's amaze you should be so proud blah blah. Sorry but isn't it just showing off as we used to say at school in the 80's? It just doesn't seem real, it's like being presented with a glossy brochure and you'll never get to know the real person under all the peacocking. I don't seem to meet real people any more, you chat at the school gates and they seem nice and genuine, then they turn into caricatures of themselves online and I am seriously losing hope that there are other people out there who don't want to talk all day about new kitchens and wallpaper, cars, holidays, who don't want the undertones of competing over everything all the times.

Tell me is it real? Is that what it's all about for you? Maybe it's just where we're living, we seem to be in a bit of a stepford wives (and husbands and children) identikit community round here. This is the norm here, and then presenting it all polished on Facebook. Is it like that everywhere else and is this just the norm now? I don't know if I'm just old before my time because I do sound like my Gran, maybe I just need to get used to it and try not to get so frustrated by the competing and consumerism, because I can't seem to meet anyone else not following the latest trends and trying to live the perfect life round here or online from what I see. It's really bothering me for some reason. Anyone else?

OP posts:
Thecontentedcat · 16/09/2016 08:16

I think there is a big difference between posting a couple of pics of the kitchen, and twenty professionally taken photos complete with nauseating ### and glowing family finale finish. One is sharing, the other is showing off. But if they are happy, be pleased for them! Bet they have lots of good renovation tips!

NerrSnerr · 16/09/2016 08:17

They're just happy they've got a new kitchen. It's their Facebook feed and if you don't like the way they use it then unfriend/ unfollow. Lots of my friends live across the country and if they tell me they're getting their kitchen done i would like to see the end result.

Thecontentedcat · 16/09/2016 08:19

Yes ad it is the hashtags that are the worst, lazy yucky yakkey hashtags.

ImAMorningPerson · 16/09/2016 08:26

This sums it up for me...

Honest answers needed
Laiste · 16/09/2016 08:26

So ... is the question 'Do some people boast and show off on FB?' ?

Well the answer is yes, of course. They're all there:
Nice, nasty, boastful, cheerful, competitive, naive, upbeat, narcissistic, drama queen ... ect ect. Point is if you've got them on FB they're there on your screen day in day out and you can't just nip across the road and avoid them for a few days Grin

1frenchfoodie · 16/09/2016 08:29

Horses for courses. If posting pics of their new kitchen and family make them happy then good for them, it is a little bit strange that it makes you feel so strongly negative about them/FB/social media in general..

For what it is worth I don't recall any of my friends coming up with hashtags on FB feeds and they are pretty selfie free too. But there are lots of new arrival/family holiday/ new house pics. It is natural in a way, you photograph happy occasions. Sometimes that can cone across as boastful but, frankly, so what. Just let it go.

pandarific · 16/09/2016 08:38

I also think it's fine to post the new kitchen. I was tempted to post before and after pics of our flat renovation, I didn't in the end but if I had why would it have been Shock?

They've clearly had a mare with the disruption and mess and stress of it and with kids in the mix too. So they get a bottle out to celebrate, take some nice pics of them all together and share with their fb friends, because they are happy and proud. I mean call the police.Hmm

You do sound jealous, and a bit 'don't they realise they're doing it wrong' which is quite a self righteous view to take. You sound very hung up on 'taking the piss' and while it's nice that you and your friends use social media for one thing, that doesn't translate to everyone needing to do the same. Do you come from a background where tall poppy syndrome was a thing? I do, and it's shit.

Be annoyed by the big of peacocking, be a bit jealous, that's fine - remove them from your fb if you don't like them. Just don't try to dress it up as concern for the future of society.

hoddtastic · 16/09/2016 08:39

in response to some of these posts- I am a fairly high user of FB- have almost a thousand friends, we have had a fairly tough few years- I post stuff and people seem to genuinely be happy that we've gone on holiday / been to the theatre or whatever. I find the inspirational messages/ attention seeking huns worse- you know, the 'share this or you hate your kids' guilt trippers, and oh GOD the boring runners. I'm often tempted to post '3k in haf an hour? really???' but that'd be unduly nasty.

NataliaOsipova · 16/09/2016 08:49

So much of it is showing off, though, isn't it? Look at meeeee.... I deliberately don't use it very much - and kind of for the opposite reason - as I'm aware that many friends (especially those with kids) are less affluent than we are, so endless photos basically saying "look at our big house", "look at our big garden", "been on another improving but expensive trip with the kids", "look - my kids go to private school" (and, come on, folks, you all know what I mean!) is just a bit knobbish. At least in my opinion. Obviously, if I know people well and we are out and they ask what I've been doing, then I will chat about stuff, but you can do that with a bit of a filter which you just can't have online.

furryminkymoo · 16/09/2016 08:54

I don't think that I would have issues with that post, they are celebrating their extension.

We have had loads of building work, including a new kitchen, it was horribly stressful, we lived in shit conditions, I got ill during the process and was reduced to tears fairly regularly. When its all over I will be having a glass of fizz and will probably post something on FB and also invite people over. (I haven't had people to the house since January).

Can you not be happy for them? if not unfriend them.

Gottagetmoving · 16/09/2016 09:00

I agree with you OP.
There is a lot of showing off on Facebook. All the holidays and the house stuff...
Seems like adults are drawn in the same way teenagers are to constantly compare and compete with other people. As for people having 500 or 1000 friends,...that is ridiculous. No.one has that many friends. They are just mostly random people added to a friend's list.
I have 50 friends on Facebook and most of them are family.
People try to show a really exaggerated caring side too. Endless posts about poor animals or sick children.

SolomanDaisy · 16/09/2016 09:01

I love it when people post pictures of new kitchens and stuff, especially when the pictures are nicely done. But then I love Pinterest too, I just like looking at nice things.

Purplebluebird · 16/09/2016 09:05

I have 1 of my closest friends who does this. I know it's only because she craves the attention and reassurance, and quite frankly feel a little bit sad for her when she does post her show-off stuff! But she is still an amazing person, and one of my very best friends, she just has a bad habit of doing this. Don't let it get to you, they can still be nice and crave attention at the same time! :)

hoddtastic · 16/09/2016 09:30

we're pretty skint, i don't begrudge my wealthy mates (and I have some right at the opposite end of the spectrum) living their lives.

I don't think i know any out and out dickheads though- it's more cringe to see weekend millionaires 'drinking fizz' (it's always prosecco else they'd say champagne) in a bar that was popular amongst pole dancers and footballers a few years ago (but they've all moved on now and they can't get in there...) sticking £200 on a credit card 'living a dream' and uploading stuff like that to FB.

M0nstersinthecl0set · 16/09/2016 09:39

You're not wrong. A lot of people seem to be living life on a checklist and it's all about image and acquisition. Even the hippy drippy friends out there banging on about their "free" children spend time everyday to post about their lives. They can't be enjoying it much, as they're logged on all day and night. Right now I'm bored. That's why i am online.
Faking the fun enviable life etc. When i have a great family day i can tell by the very little social media evidence of it.

M0nstersinthecl0set · 16/09/2016 09:41

I guess because we can afford all that we don't brag online etc as we'd rather keep friends happy with a wecoming attitude and being more interested in them than their stuff. That's embarrassing to see. It reminds me of a playground where kids are showing off over all their toys.

hearthattack · 16/09/2016 09:53

I'm with you OP, too much of this nonsense about and it stinks.

For me the difference is in those that show a degree of self awareness about the self indulgent nature of fb and those who don't. So a photo of a lovely new kitchen with a toddler in the foreground about to lob and bowl of spag Bol and at the beautifully painted wall and a wry comment about how perfect their life is, that's fine.

People who pretend their life is a lifestyle spread from some vomit worthy magazine are boring as hell. And I have to wonder how hard they work to keep this bs up and what else suffers as a result.

MargaretCabbage · 16/09/2016 09:54

Isn't Facebook for showing off though? Most of my feed is politics or people posting pictures of themselves having a nice time or things they're happy about. I would love a nosy at someone's new kitchen, even with the sickening hashtags.

RortyCrankle · 16/09/2016 12:51

I'm a facebook hater and non-user. It seems, from the outside, that people need to be sufficiently self obsessed to assume that other people are fascinated by the drivel they post about the minutia of their oh so mundane lives. It's mind numbingly banal.

People who say they have hundreds if not thousands of friends on FB are taking utter bullshit and obviously have little or no concept of what a real friend is which is very sad.

I truly believe one day people will regret putting their whole lives on the internet where it will remain forever. What price privacy.

I should end by saying that I'm a boring old fart which may account for my views. Wink

fruitatthebottom · 16/09/2016 12:57

Personally I think it's ok to want to show off your new kitchen to your friends.. Why not? If you had a lovely new kitchen you are proud of wouldn't you want to invite friends and family round to see it? So what's so bad about a picture on Facebook? I an honestly say I would be interested to see a friends new kitchen and hate in their excitement of they were really happy about it. I totally agree people present their best bits on Facebook but a photo of a new kitchen is not in the same league as constant pouty selfies.

fruitatthebottom · 16/09/2016 12:58

Share in their excitement

Hockeydude · 16/09/2016 13:13

Delete Facebook. It's a modern day disease.

SandyY2K · 16/09/2016 13:22

I think this sums FB up in real life and the fact that we act differently on social media.

So I have been trying to make friends outside of Facebook and thought I would try applying the same practices. Today I go outside my building and just start walking down the street. As I pass by people I let them know what I had to eat, how I feel right now, what I did last night, what I will do later etc... I thought it would be interesting to hand out pictures of my family, my dog and me doing some of my favorite things. If they were talking I would stop to listen to their conversation and then give them the good old "thumbs up" and let them know I like them.

So it actually worked!!!! I already have four people following me: two police officers, a private investigator and a psychiatrist.

toffeeboffin · 16/09/2016 13:26

It's mostly bullshit on Facebook.

I feel like posting a pic of me emptying the dishwasher with the caption 'another day of drudgery' Grin

GeorgeTheThird · 16/09/2016 13:40

Can someone explain WHAT IS THE POINT of the hashtags on FB?

#mumofboys #happytimes #family

WTF IS THE POINT??

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