Aibu to think this is totally innapropriate?

[sillyofthevalley]

In brief, friend recently told me that she allows her teenage daughter (almost 17) to have her boyfriend stay overnight- in the bottom (single) bunk bed, in a room shared with almost 10 year old sister in top bunk. Friend says it's ok as the door to the room is left open.

That's not right is it?

Is it?

Because walkingblind no one seems to be able to comprehend that not every teenager is the same and that they are all obviously at it like rabbits with no care or concern for anyone else.

When I was that age I went on holiday with my (now) husband's family and shared a room with his younger brother and sister, and guess what - we managed to behave appropriately.

Exactly KitKats I definitely had plenty of sex as a teen but in private and appropriately so. Why are these two automatically definitely having sex in that bed

Also bunkbeds creak/move like a motherfucker so they probably won't even try.

It's not about sex it's about the 10 year old. How does she feel? Uncomfortable? Upset? Embarrassed? I wouldn't have wanted to share a room with a sibling and their partner at any age. Hell I would only do it now if it was a dire emergency.

Its not just about sex. What about morning hard ons, what about not wanting her tween body to be seen in pjs by a non familial male teen...

Definitely wrong.

Surely the only reason to share a bed with your 17 year old boyfriend is so that you can shag? Otherwise it's just someone else hogging the duvet and stopping you getting to sleep

Do you shag every single night? People share a bed to be close to one and other, to lay next to each other? This is common.

MapMy Why is that sexual just because they aren't related? I find that train of thought unfathomable. If she had a big brother or a foster brother there'd be hard-on issues. All teen boys end up hiding them, never seen one wave it around at the other members of the household Also he isn't exactly a stranger, OP do you know how long they've been together? I stayed at my ex's house every week for a year and his siblings felt like my own. Pj's are not revealing items of clothing as far as I've seen for 10 year olds.

She would not be sharing a room with a brother or a foster brother for similar reasons. Privacy/ puberty/ boundaries - MN is normally a stickler for children having their own space - stepchildren etc.

But apparently, a soon-to-be-adult non-family male in with a girl soon to go through puberty is fine!

I suppose I just won't 'get it' because I went through it and we were all happy with the situation

It's demonstrably fine. Another case of revert to 'abuse' until proven otherwise. It's not like he is there every night.

Boyfriend could, as previous poster said, sleep in living room. After parties people of all ages have been known to sleep on sofas, sofa cushions, the carpet, on towels in the bath (!). Boyfriend shouldn't be in 10 year old's bedroom, it is inappropriate, it is treating her as if she doesn't matter IMHO.

I agree it's inappropriate and unfair on ten year old. What are you going to do OP?

Hi all, just catching up. Thanks for the replies.

I have spoken to freinds sister, who I am also good friends with. She didn't know this arrangement was going on. She works in a capacity where she is aware of safeguarding issues etc and will have a careful chat to make sure it doesn't happen again and the reasons why. We both expect that the advice will be taken onboard and that it was an arrangement brought about by misplaced assumption that nothing would go on, without wider issues considered.

A blow up bed on the lounge floor might be the way forward if they want sleepovers in future- so long as 10year old is not involved in the set up I think everyone will be happier with that!