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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think this is totally innapropriate?

63 replies

sillyofthevalley · 15/09/2016 21:33

In brief, friend recently told me that she allows her teenage daughter (almost 17) to have her boyfriend stay overnight- in the bottom (single) bunk bed, in a room shared with almost 10 year old sister in top bunk. Friend says it's ok as the door to the room is left open.

That's not right is it?

Is it?

OP posts:
Itsmine · 15/09/2016 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
sillyofthevalley · 15/09/2016 22:00

Thanks for the feedback. I will speak to her again about it. When I told her it was out of order she did seem to have reconsidered her "trust" that nothing would be going on and I hope she has re thought the situation but I'll keep at it just to be sure.

OP posts:
KitKats28 · 15/09/2016 22:01

To be fair, it is not a given that they are shagging. Call me naive as much as you like, but my daughter has her boyfriend to stay and they are categorically not shagging. My daughter and I have talked about it and neither of them are ready. There would be no reason for them to lie, as we are open about it.

Teenagers are quite capable of making their own decisions, even with regards to sex.

chocolateworshipper · 15/09/2016 22:03

Absolutely not acceptable. Ringing safeguarding bells here too

BestZebbie · 15/09/2016 22:05

Is the idea that the 10yr old will somehow chaperone them? I can believe that an awful lot of 17yr old couples would be totally put off by the 10 year old there (the issue obviously being who knows if this couple would be or not).

Itsmine · 15/09/2016 22:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Idliketobeabutterfly · 15/09/2016 22:06

I think if she had her own room it wouldn't be but with that setup yep it is.

Obviouspretzel · 15/09/2016 22:06

So for a 10 year old to sleep in the same room as a couple is abuse now? What the fuck do you think happens in many places the world over?

I hardly think they're going to be getting down and dirty in a room with an open door with a ten year old in it.

blankpieceofpaper · 15/09/2016 22:08

It doesn't matter if they are shagging or not. You have a very nearly adult man sharing a bed/ room with his girlfriend or whatever in a room with a prepubescent girl. She has a right to privacy. She has a right not to possibly see/ hear stuff she shouldn't be - it does not have to be full on sex to be inappropriate. It is anything.

Original poster
sillyofthevalley · 15/09/2016 22:10

I agree entirely blank. It makes me sad for the 10 year old.

OP posts:
Itsmine · 15/09/2016 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsmine · 15/09/2016 22:12

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thenightsky · 15/09/2016 22:14

Can't the lad sleep in the lounge on an airbed or something?

I'd not put my 10 yr old in the same room as a 17 yr old couple who are pressed together in a single bed.

PhotosGinAndALongLieIn · 15/09/2016 22:17

blank Spot on.

At 17 I was allowed to share my bed with my boyfriend BUT I had my own room, the door had to be locked (to keep younger brothers from walking in) and my younger brothers were led to believe he slept on the floor. The issue here is the 10 year old, regardless of what goes on, she's entitled to her privacy.

woodhill · 15/09/2016 22:18

No totally inappropriate. Why does be have to stay. He should sleep in another room.

Obviouspretzel · 15/09/2016 22:19

She does have a right to privacy and if there was any indication whatsoever that she was unhappy with the arrangement, it should be stopped immediately. However, I do feel like many people in this country have hangups on sharing spaces.

Bigfatnope · 15/09/2016 22:20

So weird, very innapropriate. What are her parents thinking??!!!

Itsmine · 15/09/2016 22:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SandyY2K · 15/09/2016 22:24

How ridiculous. I do wonder what some parents are thinking at times.

blankpieceofpaper · 15/09/2016 22:26

She's 10. It is nothing to do with whether she is happy with it. It is inappropriate.

Whether people have hang ups about sharing spaces is not an issue here. He can sleep in the lounge/ on the landing/ campbed in the kitchen if he must.

jayho · 15/09/2016 22:26

their house, their rules. Perhaps they see 10yo as 'contraceptive'? That the teenage couple would not 'misbehave' in her presence?

-athough they'll wait until she's asleep and do whatever they want......-

WalkingBlind · 15/09/2016 22:28

I'm probably going to get flamed but I did this. BF was 17, his 11yr old brother on the top bunk and me and him would share the bottom one. 8yr old sister in the room attached. Absolutely nothing happened in any capacity. Why aren't these teens also capable of making that decision? Not all teenagers are a horny mess.

We actually went camping together when we wanted 'privacy'. I can't imagine they would do stuff with her on the top bunk?? Although clearly some people would be capable I suppose if they were already predisposed that way.

Obviouspretzel · 15/09/2016 22:31

I don't really think that a 10 would feel awkward about voicing any concerns in private with their parents before such an occasion occurred.

To be honest, I probably wouldn't do this myself because I do think it would be a little awkward. I just don't think it's the big issue most people seem to think it is.

blankpieceofpaper · 15/09/2016 22:31

"Their house, their rules." "my child, my choice" "it's none of my business" doesn't always apply. Again, something I have sadly had to see in safeguarding training example cases.

emilywemily · 15/09/2016 22:32

That is fucking awful that poor ten year old has probably already heard them having sex Sad