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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be worried about Father Christmas?

81 replies

CycleQueen · 15/09/2016 16:23

DD is 9 and a fervent Father Christmas believer. We've typically gone to town on the whole thing, having the Christmas Elf (on the shelf) and his friend thing over the Advent period (which is in itself totally exhausting but fun). DD recently stated that she "doesn't believe in God but she believes in Father Christmas & if there is a God, then he pretty much is Santa". We aren't particularly religious and I made no comment at the time. However I am now stressing about the inevitable- she is bound to find out soon & I know she is going to be absolutely devastated. I suppose I'm also worried that she will be angry at me too. I know it's early in the autumn term but I'm already worrying. Do I need to get a grip?!! Should I bury my head in the sand or address this in some way?? So worried about how upset she is going to be ideally I'd like to take control of this but I don't know how - and yes, I know I've got myself into this situation and only have myself to blame!

OP posts:

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 18:27

I have decided this year to be a little less careful with my Christmas stash than I have been in other years in the hope that the seed of doubt will plant itself when they see younger siblings getting presents from Santa that they know I have bought

I don't think that's gentle at all. (It's similar to how I found out and I remember how awful it felt.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 15/09/2016 18:30

OP I think your daughter's words show that she is starting to doubt.

Anyway I love the idea of Father Christmas being God (no offence to religious people).

sirfredfredgeorge · 15/09/2016 18:31

HeCantBeSerious Every adult doesn't know he doesn't exist any more than god existing, that they choose to perform part of FC's role is incidental, that doesn't deny his existing, it's just a sensible bet in case he doesn't.

DD has never believed, thinking FC was just a story, although she once have quite a long question of who brought the presents instead. She was quite happy that the tooth fairy was just the parents, but she thought we were too lazy to go to the trouble of delivering presents at Christmas - which might say more about us!

BabyDubsEverywhere · 15/09/2016 18:36

HeCant, I know a few friends who found out that way and found it a more positive experience, which is why I am stealing it :D Plus, I know my dcs personalities and I think it will work well for them, all kids are different though, I totally understand why others may find it distressing.

Pixie2015 · 15/09/2016 18:43

Keep the magic going as long as possible ⭐️

FeistyColl · 15/09/2016 18:51

I had the same worries with my dd but about fairies ( who wrote tiny letters and left fairy dust around our house). Eventually she asked me if I was the one writing the letters. I took a deep breath and told her it was me. Tears started rolling down her cheeks and I was convinced I'd scarred her for life but she hugged me and said 'i can't believe you would go to all that trouble for me!'!!! It was brilliant! She completely understands the difference between adults creating magical make believe and lying.

Squtternutbosch · 15/09/2016 18:54

God, are we really so precious these days that we worry about "lying" to children and traumatizing them about Father Christmas?? It's a story, he's a character, it makes Christmas that bit more magical, and the majority of kids figure it out in time.

My parents have never admitted he's not real, despite the fact that we're now all in our 30s and my parents are about to get their first grandchild. It's just, as we got older, the references to him were more "nudge, wink", I think probably to ensure we didn't make fools of ourselves in front of the other kids.

They never signed presents from Father Christmas, always from them, of whomever, and just told us FC delivered them on their behalf, along with tree and stocking. I dunno if that's normal or if other kids receive presents "from FC".

Anyway it did me no harm whatsoever, I still love the idea of FC and play along every year, and I can't wait to introduce my son to the magic of it all.

OhhBetty · 15/09/2016 18:58

I'd keep the magic going as long as you can. Realising Santa isn't real is just the first of a lifetime of disappointments

Champagneformyrealfriends · 15/09/2016 19:01

I do think in most cases a child will believe until they are ready to drop believing.

Purpleprickles · 15/09/2016 19:10

I agree with juggling further up the thread. Why does there need to be a big reveal? Had this same conversation with a rl friend the other week who wanted to prevent her daughter from believing anymore in case she got teased. In all my time of being a child and now being a teacher I don't think I've ever heard of anyone being teased/bullied for a belief in FC. I was bullied for not having a fringe and because my dad sold Socialist Worker and shouted "Maggie Maggie Maggie out out out" on a Saturday. Those sadly are the types of things that put you in the bullying firing line not hanging up a stocking.

I just suddenly realised around the age of 10 but kept the game up for younger siblings and actually still enjoyed the magic of Christmas through them. We now have a 7 year gap between ds and dd and I hope when he does realise he just carries on pretending for her.

ClashCityRocker · 15/09/2016 19:10

Its a good life lesson.

Sometimes even people who love you lie to make you happy. Or, to misquote SM 'trust nae fucker'

Mind you, I was a particulalry cynical child - I didn't even believe in the queen until quite late on in primary school. I thought she was an actress.

I think for most kids other than very young toddlers, it's more 'willing suspension of disbelief' than a logical thought process. They want to believe so many will do so.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 19:17

I think for most kids other than very young toddlers, it's more 'willing suspension of disbelief' than a logical thought process. They want to believe so many will do so.

They're conditioned to it, surely.

Boiing · 15/09/2016 19:38

There's loads of great advice if you google it. Eg www.popsugar.com/moms/Telling-Kids-Truth-About-Santa-27332439

Juanbablo · 15/09/2016 19:40

Ds1 is almost 9 and atill very much believes although some in his class have started to doubt. He has asked me if Santa is real and I just said "what do you think?" I wouldn't tell her, let her work it out for herself.

Humidseptember · 15/09/2016 19:43

She completely understands the difference between adults creating magical make believe and lying

well, in what world would they hate their parents?

Anyone heard Roald Dhals DC recounting how he held something up to their window when he was creating the BFG - the magic or Spike Milligins dc talking of how he wrote letters to them from fairys in the garden?

Talking of the magic and wonder of their childhoods...if anything FC isnt enough, we need to inject more wonder in.

Humidseptember · 15/09/2016 19:44

Or, to misquote SM 'trust nae fucker

Oh goodness where is /what happened to SM???

edwinbear · 15/09/2016 19:50

I'm 41, I still believe. He still brings me a stocking miraculously, Christmas Eve. Long may it continue

TwentyCups · 15/09/2016 19:59

My mum used to go with the mystery iyswim. We would put out a mince pie and glass of wine and she would say in the morning 'maybe it was Father Christmas'. The Santa gifts just had our names written in shaky letters, nothing else.
We realised it was a ruse but never felt lied to - we still get a small present with shaky writing on it now as adults!
Don't make too much of the myth and it takes on its own magic.

debbs77 · 15/09/2016 20:21

My eldest is 12 and still believes in the tooth fairy and father Christmas too. And I am thrilled that she does! I will keep her innocence as long as I can x

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 20:23

It's not innocence!

My children are perfectly innocent without believing in the tooth fairy or Santa!

bumsexatthebingo · 15/09/2016 20:30

I on't see any need for a big sit down conversation abut it. They will hear in the playground that some kids don't believe and some will be adamant it's their mum and dad. Everyone seems to do the Santa thing slightly differently so kids do twig eventually. DD asked me outright at about age 6 and I just said it's up to her if she wants to believe with a bit of a knowing look and she knows full well but has kept it secret for her younger sibling. No trauma as as of yet and she will still talk about Santa coming in a slightly tongue in cheek way that goes over her younger siblings head. I would be a bit concerned about a high school child who still thought the whole flying reindeer and getting around the world in one night was real.

SpringerS · 15/09/2016 20:46

A lot of kids still believe until they are 10/11. Loss of belief is a gradual thing. For the first few years they just accept Santa as fact, then at 5/6 the idea that Santa's existence might be in doubt it heard and they undertake to believe. Bit by bit the doubt grows (though come the 20th of December their belief is as strong as ever). Eventually they logically know Santa can't possibly exist but a state of cognitive dissonance and they decide to not think about it and just believe. Then at some point they let go completely and are happy be in on the adult secret. It's not unusual for children to be 11/12 when they first have a Christmas where they absolutely, positively know there is no Santa.

Let her off for another year or two. She won't be the only child in her class to still be holding onto her belief and she'll let it go without trauma in her own time. If you're still worried she believes when she's 11 get her to read What Katie Did some summer. There is a chapter where Katy, her father and aunt put out the presents on Christmas eve and laugh about being the Santa that her younger siblings believe in. It will probably be a nice gentle way to confirm what she will likely already know.

VilootShesCute · 15/09/2016 20:53

It's lovely to believe in magic. Life is great when you're a kid, then you grow up and realise the world is a shitty place so why the feck not let the poor little buggers have some fun and believe in stuff while they can.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 21:03

Nothing against kids choosing to believe. It's having no choice that I don't like!

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 15/09/2016 21:13

It WAS just a story until the international space station started to fly by at 5.30pm on Christmas Eve.

Thanks, guys.

🎅

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