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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about Father Christmas?

81 replies

CycleQueen · 15/09/2016 16:23

DD is 9 and a fervent Father Christmas believer. We've typically gone to town on the whole thing, having the Christmas Elf (on the shelf) and his friend thing over the Advent period (which is in itself totally exhausting but fun). DD recently stated that she "doesn't believe in God but she believes in Father Christmas & if there is a God, then he pretty much is Santa". We aren't particularly religious and I made no comment at the time. However I am now stressing about the inevitable- she is bound to find out soon & I know she is going to be absolutely devastated. I suppose I'm also worried that she will be angry at me too. I know it's early in the autumn term but I'm already worrying. Do I need to get a grip?!! Should I bury my head in the sand or address this in some way?? So worried about how upset she is going to be ConfusedSad ideally I'd like to take control of this but I don't know how - and yes, I know I've got myself into this situation and only have myself to blame!

OP posts:
HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 17:22

At that time of year every advert, kids TV programme, adults TV programme, school, shop, club, supermarket...every single one keeps the myth alive, so it is a cultural conspiracy - not just you.

Drives me fucking mental.

randomer · 15/09/2016 17:25

The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales

Bruno Bettelheim

Crystal15 · 15/09/2016 17:26

I had this exact same fear. My child isn't the sort just to pretend he doesn't know he's not real like most. He would be so upset and angry. He's 7 atm. Last year we told both boys santa only brings 1 present and a stocking and we get the rest. Since then ive spoke more about the spirit of Christmas and how St Nicholas (according to my Nana) was a real man who gave presents to the poor children etc and its since believed he lives on through the spirit of Christmas, and that we all create the spirit of Christmas been kind with giftd, spending time together, getting festive and helping others.

It's the best I could come up with but I feel your pain! Funnily enough my eldest also had the Santa Vs God chat with my yesterday too!

Original poster
CycleQueen · 15/09/2016 17:27

Thanks everyone & sorry for raising the 'C' word - I think that I'm definitely BU & should chill out over this, from the comments! I think a slow realisation (if one happens! My parents never ever fessed up to me so I was a long term believer!) would be great. And I should stop the stress. And let someone start a Halloween thread WinkGrin thank you xx

OP posts:
TopsyGrim2 · 15/09/2016 17:28

I agree, it's generally just a natural dawning realisation. Until I started reading forums, I'd never in my life heard of this 'don't lie to your kids about Santa' thing. Or of anyone being angry or shocked that their parents lied! It's a lovely magical thing to believe in when you're little.

Your daughter probably doesn't believe as fervently as she says by her age - maybe she's just worried if she stops believing, he'll stop coming!

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 17:28

The Uses of Enchantment: The Meaning and Importance of Fairy Tales

But for most it's not a fairy tale, is it? Sit a child down and read them the hare and the tortoise and they don't imagine it to be real. They believe Santa is real because parents deliberately try to create the illusion that he is. So they believe it because they see it.

3awesomestars · 15/09/2016 17:29

She will probably deal with it better than you think.

She is reaching a phase (pre high school) where pretty much all of the children in her peer group are going to discover that FC is not real around the same time. They take solidarity in that and it's a growth and learning process. You might even find she has an inkling and is stringing you along (ds2 did this 😀)

Remember, most children have discovered this at some point and there are not thousands of emotionally scarred children who cannot forgive their parents, and lots of us did the really special, full month Xmas experience.

I wouldn't tell her, just let her find out like everyone else, someone will say at school which will plant seeds of doubt and it will then be a gradual, natural process.

I found it a massive relief, and it made Christmas cheaper!

YouCanDoThis · 15/09/2016 17:29

Does it ever have to stop? If you believe, he will come. DC is 18yrs and never questioned it. Still puts a mince pie out and we still have the elf visiting, though his escapades have become much more naughty with age!! It's just a fun, magical time. If it's an important part of the magic of Christmas to you there isn't any reason to stop playing with it at all.

heron98 · 15/09/2016 17:30

She's 9 - really too old to believe in all that. I am sure she won't be "devestated" when she finds out.

Original poster
CycleQueen · 15/09/2016 17:31

Chrystal15 thank you - I'm with you in the spirit of Christmas & I think a chat about folklore & tradition is great. Dd knows it's not all commercialism but I was really worrying about a big reveal or her being adamant that he was real & then having to dispel the myth. Plus I love the innocence & excitement. And no, I never did think about what the future held when I started on the stockings!
Thanks for the links too, I'm going to check them out.

OP posts:
HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 17:31

Thank you for that article randomer. Smile

freetrampolineforall · 15/09/2016 17:37

I'm in the same boat- the Polar Express and Arthur Christmas just about keep it going but we have agreed together that if she makes it to Y6 Christmas we will tell her in the following Spring.

Ladybunnyfluff · 15/09/2016 17:38

I must have been the most cynical child ever, I simply never believed in 'him' and thought those who did were terribly naive Blush.

I always find these threads equally hard to believe and sweet at the same time.

freetrampolineforall · 15/09/2016 17:39

Also pretty certain she will string us along until then.

Callmegeoff · 15/09/2016 17:40

Dd1 asked me when she was about 9, caught me totally off guard so I ended up telling her quite bluntly. She was really upset ..... For half an hour Grin dd2 worked it out for herself -all her toys said made in China not Santas workshop!

Your dd will be fine, whatever your Christmas traditions are.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 15/09/2016 17:41

Buy a nice illustrated copy of "The night before Christmas" which tells the classic FC story in a charming old style rhyme and may have been the origin of many ideas - such as has the names of all the reindeer pulling the sleigh. Maybe also watch some classic Christmas movies such as the one where everyone has to sing to get the sleigh off the ground, and just gradually let it creep out that it's a wonderful story and not exactly a scientific fact?
This is the approach we took and it worked out fine with no need for any big reveal Smile
We still love reading that book especially on Christmas Eve

Lindy2 · 15/09/2016 17:41

My DD asked me outright at age 7 if Father Christmas was real. It was right at bedtime so I asked her to ask me again the next day if she wanted to talk about it still. She came in at 7am and it was her first question. I told her but I would have liked to have had one more Christmas of her believing. At the moment though she rather likes knowing whilst her little sister doesn't. As soon as I told her about Father Christmas she also demanded to know if the tooth fairy and Easter bunny were the same.
Although she now knows she still seems happy to keep the game/tradition going.

Gottagetmoving · 15/09/2016 17:51

My sister's DS pretended he still believed until he was 10 because he didn't want to upset his mum.
He told us he realised it was made up when he was 7 because it didn't make any sense.
Some kids probably go along with it fearing the presents will stop if they admit they know the truth. Grin

sandbagsatdawn · 15/09/2016 17:51

I never remember any big finding out moment when I was a kid. I just gradually realised it was just a bit of fun and my brother and I carried on getting stockings until we were adults. My eldest is just 10 and I think has had suspicions for a couple of years. I just say, "If you don't believe in Santa he won't bring you anything" I'm pretty sure she'll want to keep playing along for that reason. would be furious with her if she told the younger two and I think she gets that though we've not discussed it. If anything comes up about it at school I would treat it the same as religion"some people believe stuff, some don't, nobody really knows" Same as fairies,when they question why different books about fairies say different stuff like what the tooth fairy does with teeth. "Nobody really knows so they make up stories."

JasperDamerel · 15/09/2016 17:55

A girl in DD's reception class told her at Easter time that FC wasn't real. She asked me if it was true. I told her that it's a myth that helps make Christmas special and that FC is really lots of people working together to bring the spirit of Christmas to their homes. dD was happy with this.

But by December, she had completely forgotten our conversation and believed again.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/09/2016 17:55

I would treat it the same as religion"some people believe stuff, some don't, nobody really knows

But every adult does really know. Hmm

Ifailed · 15/09/2016 18:06

We haven't even got to the 'trick or treating is just begging'

No, that's Demanding With Menaces. 14 years maximum penalty.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 15/09/2016 18:23

I have decided this year to be a little less careful with my Christmas stash than I have been in other years in the hope that the seed of doubt will plant itself when they see younger siblings getting presents from Santa that they know I have bought. I am only doing this around my older two, (8 and 9) as there are a handful of kids in their classes who were scathing about the santa deal last year and it feels the least upsetting way of discovering the truth and hoping they will come to the conclusion gently.

However, if I were to ask my mom now she would still roll out that anyone who doesn't believe wont be getting anything. I remember having to go through the whole charade of setting out a beer and some cookies for santa when I was 17 (obviously all in a jesting spirit, but mainly to please my mom so she could do the obligatory Xmas eve photo!)

Careforadrink · 15/09/2016 18:24

All the 9 year olds I know still believe Smile

And anyway he is real.