my neighbours comments about disliking my 5 year old

[user1471470568]

So where to start. I live in a flat, I have lived here for 14 years. The flats are 4 in a block. The next block has long term neighbour and upstairs the long term neighbours daughter and 3 kids. My ds5 plays with and goes to school with her dd5. They get on well and go between back closed garden and my house and long term(lt) house to play. At school today the daughter lets call her ann says she has fallen out with mum she is sick of her etc. Another mum who is into star signs comments and sighs then laughed and said no your an Aries your too unforgiven etc. So Ann lists all her mums faults then says she even doesn't like your ds1 coz he plays with guns. Now we have discussed before how the toy guns annoyed the mum but the mum is actually really nice and positive about my sons army obsession. She volunteers her house for them to play. The daughter is kind of strange has all sorts of problems not very sociable. So my aibu is do I say anything to the lt neighbour or take her at face value. I'm sick with thinking someone is having my son in there home but is vocal about disliking him. I'm hurt that I helped this girl integrate into the school community and she is now using my son as a way to cause a rift. I know the lt neighbour does nag her daughter but it is about her choices in relation to the kids. For example the girl never takes the kids out doesn't socialise at class parties. The gran is probably the main caregiver. I just cant get my head around where to go with this comment. Sorry its so long.

Are you sure she actually said she dislikes the child, rather than just disliking him playing with guns? Bear in mind you're hearing this from someone who's fallen out with her.

I think it's a little unfair to have such issue with a woman 'judging' your son and to then go on and list all the ways you're judging her and her child.

It's also entirely possible the child is exaggerating what her mum said.

Hippy - it's not the child who said this. OP lives next door to the grandmother with the mother and children above her.

Sorry seemed to have confused matter. This was Ann commenting who is a grown women about her mother not liking my child. The thing is the mother who have known for years is always si nice she is the one who initiates my ds and her granddaughter playing etc. That's why I am hurt. I don't know if she has said it just came from Ann. The neighbour who I have known a long time seems to have no issue. The gun comment has came from a conversation where the kids were playing and the noise was too much. However todays comment were defo she doesn't like your boy.

I have not commented on the little girl if anything I have commented on her mum and gran not getting on. I feel if I leave it I cant then let my chip go with them fir a play date however if I approach anns mum I'm making the relationship between them harder. I also don't want to fall out with a neighbour. Cant sleep tonight for replaying it in my head.

I understand the not liking guns I understand why some people don't and why some would not allow kids to play with them. However only comment i have had from Anns mum I how cute ds looks in his dress up stuff and how knowledgeable he is on war history. This comment seems to have came out the blue.

Sorry if I'm misunderstanding as it's quite late but you're saying the neighbour's daughter said that the neighbour doesn't like your son, but in all the time you've known the neighbour she has been pleasant and welcoming and nice to your son? Is it the neighbour's house your son goes to for playdates or Ann's? If it's the neighbour I might actually be inclined to not say anything and see how it pans out, it actually sounds like Ann might have exaggerated it or even plain made it up (you say she has "problems"?). If the neighbour really didn't like your son I think she'd make excuses not to have him at her house and maybe even try to stop her granddaughter playing with him.

And particularly if she had had an argument with her mum and was sitting complaining about her to other people, she might have thrown in a comment or two that she didn't mean and/or had exaggerated in the heat of the moment.

Thanks pudding that's what I thought I should do as it is her house they play at not Anns I suppose time will tell. I cant believe anyone with kids or grandkids would Sa they dislike a chip for no reason but something has put me on edge. Maybe being all pfb as mumsnet calls it. It could be made up or exagerated. I take on your view just need the butterfly tummy so take it in too.

Sorry i've read this multiple times and i still don't get who has said what and who is who.

I now know my phone is unreasonable for changing kid to chip. Lol

That's okay OP honestly I'd probably be much the same, I always know logically that there's probably nothing to worry about but when the anxiety sets in it's hard to ignore! As I say just try to put it out of your mind as much as possible, the neighbour does sound nice and if she hasn't given you any reason to worry before it's probably nothing. It'll be a shame if Ann is trying to cause trouble but hopefully it was just something she said while she was angry and didn't really mean it/didn't think it would upset you so much. Hope it works out x

Sorry folk I know my rambling has confused. On phone so that doesn't help. Basically Ann who lives next door with her 3 kids just moved in tho year. Her mother lives next door also but in another house and I the main care giver to Anne's 3 kids. Ann and mum have fallen out and Ann says lots f negative things including my mum doesn't like your son. So do I ask Anns mum just if there is an issue even tho she is so nice, positive about my son and has him over for playdates.

Thanks pudding your helping soothe me anxiety is such a git at bed time.

Apologies, I'm not completely sure I followed the story however both my DS and DD have friends I'n not keen on. I'm perfectly happy to have them in the house and would never say anything to their parents but I just find those particular kids a bit difficult/cheeky/annoying.

I can see it's hurtful to you to be told this so directly but sometimes it's just one of those things.

Ameliajack I can understand not everyone can be liked I just felt confused around me allowing my ds5 to still go there while unsure if he is liked. I no the gran would not take any messing about from the kids she is very too the point even if I am there on what is allowed and not allowed. I just feel a little bit of trust has gone with that comment. Dixie, I guess your right she probably wouldn't. So as I said my thought then go back to Ann is causing trouble when I have taken her under my wing.

If it's worrying you - why not raise it gently with the Gran?

"I just wanted to check you were still ok with DS coming to play, X suggested there might be a problem?"

Great comment Amelia I may just use that sounds less confrontational.
Dixie I agree on commenting and most people probably sound off about visiting kids. Just need to try and leave it and watch for a chance to word it like Amelia suggests. It might not be the gun games it might be the running commentary on what happened during the war as I said he is full of facts. Some maybe not so pleasant thanks to the horrible histories series. The gran may just be fed up with the history lesson, I know I am sometimes. X

Good luck, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about and had been taken out of context.

Sorry, is Ann the grandmother? And she normally is nice?

Id stay well clear of both and say nowt. Sounds like the daughters shit stirring. I dont like toy guns either, but I dont understand how someone could dislike a child for their choice of toy.

Ann is cross with her mum and trying to punish her by shit stirring.

If the gran was bothered, she wouldn't invite your DS over. Check with her next time that she is OK to have him and that he behaves when over there.