my neighbours comments about disliking my 5 year old

[user1471470568]

So where to start. I live in a flat, I have lived here for 14 years. The flats are 4 in a block. The next block has long term neighbour and upstairs the long term neighbours daughter and 3 kids. My ds5 plays with and goes to school with her dd5. They get on well and go between back closed garden and my house and long term(lt) house to play. At school today the daughter lets call her ann says she has fallen out with mum she is sick of her etc. Another mum who is into star signs comments and sighs then laughed and said no your an Aries your too unforgiven etc. So Ann lists all her mums faults then says she even doesn't like your ds1 coz he plays with guns. Now we have discussed before how the toy guns annoyed the mum but the mum is actually really nice and positive about my sons army obsession. She volunteers her house for them to play. The daughter is kind of strange has all sorts of problems not very sociable. So my aibu is do I say anything to the lt neighbour or take her at face value. I'm sick with thinking someone is having my son in there home but is vocal about disliking him. I'm hurt that I helped this girl integrate into the school community and she is now using my son as a way to cause a rift. I know the lt neighbour does nag her daughter but it is about her choices in relation to the kids. For example the girl never takes the kids out doesn't socialise at class parties. The gran is probably the main caregiver. I just cant get my head around where to go with this comment. Sorry its so long.

I think it's most likely that Ann's a bit wierd and has very poor parenting skills. Her children are not adults. But she has no partner to vent to.

By all means check with the grandma about going over. Seems the most sensible. If there is no problem, you could drop in What you overheard. But be careful she may stick up for her DD and your kids may have no one to play with all of a sudden.

Oh for heaven's sake.

Its probably a case of

"Ann! That's naughty. Why don't you behave better like your lovely friend usersson?"

Mother [pulls face]

"Why the face?"

"He's not that lovely! Always playing with guns pretending to shoot people."

It's the classic thing people will come out with when they want to defend their child or parenting. "Well at least I never let MY children play with guns/watch TV as a baby/have an IPAD aged 2/go to McDonalds"

I'd say that if that's the only thing that has been said about your DS then he must indeed be lovely.

I would ignore what Ann has said. She has fallen out with her mum and is shit stirring.

"So Ann lists all her Mums faults"",

Ann was desperate for you to agree that her Mum is in the wrong, so turned her Mums opinion about gun play, into a personal issue.

It's a combination of shit stirring and not understanding social bounderies etc.

Take no notice OP Ann has got a problem with her Mum and is jealous of yours and her Mum's relationship by the sounds of it so has tried to shit stir between the 2 of you!

You and the Gran get on well and she likes your DS so please don't let what Ann has said to you affect your's and your sons relationship with the gran and I wouldn't mention it to the gran neither it could turn into she said/they said.

The adult daughter sounds very immature in all this don't let her drag you into her games!

I honestly think that the row between Ann and Gran has blown this out of proportion. At some point Gran has said to Ann, 'I do worry about little boys playing with guns' or similar. When Ann and Gran row and you say 'Come on, Gran isn't that bad', Ann - who was hoping you'd sympathise and agree - throws in the only thing she can think of to show Gran in a bad light in your eyes. A bit petulant, but people are when they're fishing for sympathy and no one takes the bait.

As for why Gran has never said anything about the guns to your face, why should she? She expressed an opinion to her daughter, but it's not really any of her business, so she (wisely in my view) hasn't shared this opinion with you.

Finally got my name change to work. Not that I'm hiding just don't want to be known as user.. Thanx sooty trying to take gran at face value I guess time will tell. I do think the gran is really nice. Ann has issues so maybe my ds and I are just caught up in the mess. Best not to assume and watch and find out for myself as time goes on I will know if there is a change of routine for playdates.

That's exactly it socially inept, looking for sympathy. Lack of boundaries. Thank you all this is has been a eureka moment and are all the thoughts I have had about Ann in the past. Good god mumsnet is great this is my 1st post been a long time lurker and you lovely lot have really helped. Thank you