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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with sil?

61 replies

DeadDuckFace · 14/09/2016 21:32

My brother and sister-in-law expecting first baby. Brother is a contractor and current job has taken him overseas, so he has taken unpaid leave to come to the UK from UAE to be here for birth and spend a few weeks (all they can afford) with SIL and new baby.

Whole family very excited and pleased for them. This sounds ridiculous but here goes. Sis in law is set on a name that my brother really hates. He has come up with over 50 suggestions for alternatives but she says that's the name she wants because she already told her mum and her mum has embroidered a blanket with this name.

I have tried to stay out of it but tbh I'm not a massive fan of the name either, it's a very unusual name and could easily be shortened to something not pleasant. Sis-in-law isn't English so bro has tried to explain English slang and say that perhaps not wisest name choice, but she isn't budging.

It's her baby but also my bros and she rejected the names he really liked straight away so yesterday, he asked if I'd do some internet research and send him a list of names that he could suggest to SIL.

Anyway, today he tried to run through the suggestions with her and she said, "if that is the list your sister sent them I'm not interested - my baby isn't having a western name". Bro had not even read them out to her and she rejected them outright. She also told him that he should be his own man and not just do what his sister says which is bloody unfair because I haven't actually said a word about the name and only made the list after I was asked. Am really annoyed but she's heavily pregnant and don't want to add fuel to her theory that I'm interfering. Feel sorry for bro as she is giving him the silent treatment. AIBU to think that of course it's her baby, but bros opinion should matter on this too?

Either way I won't say anything to her, just wanted to vent!

OP posts:

badg3r · 14/09/2016 23:26

This is bizarre. Why can't DSIL or DB just tell her mum they've changed their minds? Calling a baby a name the father really hates because the MIL embroidered it on a blanket before the child was even born... Wtaf?! You need to stay out of it but your DB really needs to learn to assert himself or he is going to be miserable. Also as pp said, shortening it further to Munt is even worse.

GabsAlot · 14/09/2016 23:32

we used munter alot in the 80's im from the south eat/london

HeddaGarbled · 14/09/2016 23:48

I think your SIL is bullied/intimidated by her mother and is too frightened to tell her mother that the name her mother has already embroidered on a blanket is not going to be the child's name. I think the mother decided on the name not your SIL. So now she is caught between a rock and a hard place i.e. her mum and her husband. A husband, by the way, who works abroad, has been abroad throughout her pregnancy and who will pop back briefly around the birth but then fuck off again leaving her to cope with a very small baby by herself. The last thing this poor woman needs is a list of acceptable names prepared by her SIL. She needs friendship and support and rescuing.

kimann · 14/09/2016 23:57

When I was pregnant with my first, I was adamant that if he was a boy I would name him after the emperor Constantine - my husband asked me, would you like people to call him cunt for short? I was gutted. Anyway I told my cousin that was my choice but decided against it for reasons my husband mentioned, well I had a girl and my cousin (due 3 weeks after me) had a boy. Guess what she named him? . Yup. I dread to think what that boy will be called when he grows up (although I hope he doesn't get called it!)

Hopefully your SIL changes her mind - if not, get brother to dispose of said embroidered blanket!

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 15/09/2016 03:31

Honestly, I can understand she doesn't want to change the name because of the blanket. Not because she's intimidated but because she loves her mum.
How about they keep the name as a middle name and give a different first name, explaining her gently the problem?
TBH, if I were in a situation like that where my Mum has already made a lovely thing for her future granddaughter while my husband's family are rolling out a campaign against a name I have no negative connotations with, I'd be obstinate as a fuck and would feel like it's me against them.

And I'd be pissed off with my SIL (i.e. OP) too for supplying something I don't want.
You should have a bit more understanding for a hormonal pregnant woman who right now feels like she's under enormous pressure-and considering her Mum has already made a blanket the name must have been out for a while so how come the sudden panic? Talking about bullying, she may feel bullied by you right now.

MidniteScribbler · 15/09/2016 05:47

TBH, if I were in a situation like that where my Mum has already made a lovely thing for her future granddaughter while my husband's family are rolling out a campaign against a name I have no negative connotations with, I'd be obstinate as a fuck and would feel like it's me against them.

Maybe she should have had a conversation with her husband agreeing to the name before running off to her mother and getting her to make something with her choice of name on it.

Thatsmeinthecorner2016 · 15/09/2016 06:31

Maybe she should have had a conversation with her husband agreeing to the name before running off to her mother and getting her to make something with her choice of name on it.

The guy is overseas and she may be from a culture where she feels more comfortable with female relatives while pregnant. Trying to see her side of the story which nobody seems to do in here.

Bohemond · 15/09/2016 06:49

My DH persuaded me out of my favourite boy's name on account of it rhyming with 'shit' - having been a boy himself he knew what would happen in the playground!

MagikarpetRide · 15/09/2016 07:22

I know this sounds horrible but maybe a bit of pa from your brother may help - find an equivalent word in SILs language and refer to the baby as that name as a nickname for a while. It may hammer home how little their DD is going to like being called munter all her life.

windmillsofyourmind · 15/09/2016 14:35

imagine if it were your SIL posting to say that she wanted a name but that her DH had got his family involved researching alternatives. She would be told to tell the DH and his family to feck off!
But that's exactly what she's done, got her mother involved to such an extent that she's put the name on a blanket (probably presuming this will ensure the name doesn't get changed

DeathStare · 17/09/2016 06:46

I think your DB needs to stop pussy footing around telling her that it's not very nice and instead be blunt and tell her exactly what it means and how it is used. Maybe also tell the MIL. But either way OP you need to stay out of it.

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