Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

to be annoyed with sil?

61 replies

DeadDuckFace · 14/09/2016 21:32

My brother and sister-in-law expecting first baby. Brother is a contractor and current job has taken him overseas, so he has taken unpaid leave to come to the UK from UAE to be here for birth and spend a few weeks (all they can afford) with SIL and new baby.

Whole family very excited and pleased for them. This sounds ridiculous but here goes. Sis in law is set on a name that my brother really hates. He has come up with over 50 suggestions for alternatives but she says that's the name she wants because she already told her mum and her mum has embroidered a blanket with this name.

I have tried to stay out of it but tbh I'm not a massive fan of the name either, it's a very unusual name and could easily be shortened to something not pleasant. Sis-in-law isn't English so bro has tried to explain English slang and say that perhaps not wisest name choice, but she isn't budging.

It's her baby but also my bros and she rejected the names he really liked straight away so yesterday, he asked if I'd do some internet research and send him a list of names that he could suggest to SIL.

Anyway, today he tried to run through the suggestions with her and she said, "if that is the list your sister sent them I'm not interested - my baby isn't having a western name". Bro had not even read them out to her and she rejected them outright. She also told him that he should be his own man and not just do what his sister says which is bloody unfair because I haven't actually said a word about the name and only made the list after I was asked. Am really annoyed but she's heavily pregnant and don't want to add fuel to her theory that I'm interfering. Feel sorry for bro as she is giving him the silent treatment. AIBU to think that of course it's her baby, but bros opinion should matter on this too?

Either way I won't say anything to her, just wanted to vent!

OP posts:

windmillsofyourmind · 14/09/2016 22:14

I don't think it's fair that your brother doesn't get a say in the name. With my Dc if Dh absolutely hated any of my name suggestions then there's no way I'd have wanted them. It had to be names we were both happy with. Your sil sounds very unreasonable.

GabsAlot · 14/09/2016 22:16

sorry i meant tell your bro to tell his mil

emmyhNL · 14/09/2016 22:16

Maybe split the name up so it won't come up? Like mun ter phonic.

Its a shame that there isn't a set list of names that you're forced to pick from like other countries as it'd take away this kinda thing but then you'd lose the variety that there is.

PickAChew · 14/09/2016 22:16

She needs to be introduced to urban dictionary.

Agree that their relationship doesn't sound like one that's going to stand the test of time (and patience).

Original poster

DeadDuckFace · 14/09/2016 22:17

Haha emmy yes we indeed and maybe a one child policy too so we don't have to keep going through this!

OP posts:

IonaNE · 14/09/2016 22:26

Just Googled "munter", had no idea.
OP, your sil is unreasonable, your db should have a say in what the baby is called. On the other hand I'd not change it just because it means something rude in the English Urban Dictionary.

Tunafishandlions · 14/09/2016 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShebaShimmyShake · 14/09/2016 22:33

Normally I'd agree it's none of your business etc etc, but kids are cruel and adults are immature....and if the poor child has to spend their life with a name that starts with Munter, that really is serious. It will be ruining. So in this case, due to extreme circumstances, I'd support you in trying everything possible to get her to choose another name in her mother tongue.

I remember the hell poor Fatima got at school....dread to think what would have happened had she been a Munter.

Spiderpigspiderpig · 14/09/2016 22:37

What's a munter in slang mean? sheltered life

emilywemily · 14/09/2016 22:38

She wants to name her child something beginning with 'Munter'? Fucking crazy bitch! Does she realise how cruel kids can be with name calling?? Jesus wept!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 14/09/2016 22:40

Pig ugly. Minger.

StylishDuck · 14/09/2016 22:45

Normally I would say that was a ridiculous name but I went to school with a girl called Shagufta and she didn't seem to get too much hassle for it.

Your SIL is BU for dismissing your DB's opinion though. The baby should be named by both parents in agreement.

I do agree with PPs who say to stay out of it though.

confuugled1 · 14/09/2016 22:47

Can he suggest (in front of MIL as suggested) a name that's a swear word in her language but that sounds OK (or at least not obviously a swear word!) in English and say that if she has Munter then the middle name needs to be [arabic swear word].

When they say absolutely no way that's when you say but it's OK to use an English swear word as a name, it's both or nothing.

Obviously he can bail out at the last minute.

Failing that - can he nip down to the Registry Office before she does and choose a name himself, saying that as he's man of the house he's deciding... (only joking) (maybe only half joking)

Hockeydude · 14/09/2016 22:48

I agree stay out of it. But calling a baby in the UK "Munter..."

Rainuntilseptember · 14/09/2016 22:49

Dh named our pfb, I named no 2. I had much more definite ideas of a girl's name I wanted, and he a boy's. Neither of us had a tradition of naming after a relative, for example. Just making point that I don't think a relationship is "doomed" because of this approach to naming!
Has anyone asked the sil why she likes the name so much? And will the child live in an Arabic speaking country where the rude aspect won't be noticed?

Original poster

DeadDuckFace · 14/09/2016 22:57

Spider pig Munter is like minger. I think DB was trying to be compromising hence he actually thought SIL would be pleased that he had tried to get advice on Arabic names! Sounds incredibly naive now and I really wish I'd just told him to do it himself.

He is really not ok with his daughter being called Munter though so he's not going to budge either. Rainuntilseptember DB told sil that Munter is not a very nice thing to call a girl but she's very stressed about telling her mum because of the embroidered blanket (!) Bro is can't understand the fuss but I think SIL is upset because her mum is expecting the name now. No plans at all to live in an Arabic speaking country and I actually did suggest to DB that maybe he could think about 'Munter...' as middle name but he's not up for that either. I have a middle name that hardly anyone knows so that could be a compromise but have a feeling SIL won't be happy with that and either will DB. The whole thing is a bit daft really but I get that it's important to them both. The more I write the more I think they are grown ups and can (hopefully) figure it out but there's absolutely nothing I can do to help about from not get any further involved.

OP posts:

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/09/2016 23:01

Is your DB a passive type? It sounds like he's happy to hand responsibility for any issues in his relationship to you.

Fwiw I think you should distance yourself from it - it's nothing to do with you, and your SIL is understandably having an issue with you being asked to research names.

Costacoffeeplease · 14/09/2016 23:03

Exactly. Butt out

GingerbreadCake · 14/09/2016 23:04

OP I know the name and you and your DB are NBU. Why should she have the right to choose the name without any say from the father? If this was the other way around and a man dictating what a baby's name would be everyone would be outraged, it's so unfair.

You say he's very shy, well he needs to stand up to his wife and tell her NO. Ask her to choose five other names and he will choose one from them within reason. It's not right to call a child that with all the negative connotations attached to it.

Cabrinha · 14/09/2016 23:05

You might be going OTT about the "munter" aspect.

I know you said it's not Muntaha, but if it's similar, it really doesn't have the same sound as munter.

Imagine 2 kids - Muntaha and Gunther. It's Gunther who'll get Gunther the Munter - see, Muntaha has a different sound. Maybe this name does too?

The other thing is word fashions... The word munter wasn't used at my school in the 80s. My 7yo wouldn't have a clue what it meant. I don't think it's w given that a name starting 'Munter' would trigger anything.

As PP said, why does she like this name? What does it mean?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/09/2016 23:05

And imagine if it were your SIL posting to say that she wanted a name but that her DH had got his family involved researching alternatives. She would be told to tell the DH and his family to feck off!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/09/2016 23:06

Ah I see he IS shy - well he needs to grow a pair before the baby is born or he's constantly going to be whining to his family to get them to deal with his relationship issues.

confuugled1 · 14/09/2016 23:10

Livia But I suspect that once it eventually came out that the reason her dh didn't like the name was that it was a swear word in his language - and that there was a reasonable chance that they would spend some time in a country that used that language or had a lot of people that were familiar with it even if it wasn't their first language - then I suspect people would say that she had been drip feeding and that maybe it would be better to avoid the name!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/09/2016 23:13

Possibly but it's up to the SIL and her DH - it's fuck all to do with the rest of the family. If he can't negotiate about his child's name then it's no good running to his family about it.

Lindy2 · 14/09/2016 23:13

I've not heard of the word munter. Maybe it's regional. I thought everone was changing one letter and making another very rude word that would really be a very undesirable nickname.
OP I think you're right to be concerned but your DB has to sort this out himself with his wife.

Flip

1 2 3