AIBU to think that this is not a 'bad' word

[Idontneedanotherhero]

I use the word 'flipping' quite a lot, for example: 'flipping heck I've dropped my keys', or 'where on earth is that flipping hat' - you get the idea. DH was putting DD (3) to bed earlier and her pillow fell off the bed. 'Oh no, my flipping pillow has fallen off!' says she. DH very upset with me, says it is awful to hear words like that coming from her mouth! I can't really see the problem! Opinions please....

If very bland words like 'heck' and 'flipping' are not permitted as a child should always calmly articulate or internalise their frustration, presumably 'oh no', or 'ah' or any exclamation must not be permissible.

I just don't get why children shouldn't be allowed to make 'exclamations' of any kind to express feeling.... It's very strange and in my potentially damaging to repress children in this way. It's like I've gone in a time warp from 2016 to 1916, no heck, to the Jane Austen world of 1816!

Truckingalong sorry, I obviously but that badly, it's that flipping and fucking are equivalent - both are swearing for when you need to swear, and one isn't actually much different to the other. There are people who find both offensive - personally I find both fine used appropriately, but would remind DD with either that they're words other people might dislike hearing, so should be avoided if possible when others are around.

flipping and fucking are equivalent - both are swearing for when you need to swear, and one isn't actually much different to the other.

I can't think of a single context - school, workplace, broadcasting, whatever - where these words would be considered even remotely similar in terms of provoking offence.

It's all a continuum, and different families will have different points where their cut-off is.

5-year old child expressing frustration:

"I don't like this silly/stupid/flipping/crappy/sodding/bloody/fucking/cunting book"

I would start objecting at crappy.

Is your dh my mum? She once told me off for saying "oh sugar" because "you're obviously saying it instead of shit"
I just took up full on swearing after that.

I don't see what's so wrong with pointing out that a child saying it out of frustration isn't that great and they should word said frustration?

How would you word out the frustration of the fallen pillow?

I don't see what's so wrong with pointing out that a child saying it out of frustration isn't that great and they should word said frustration?

• because (depending on their age) many kids will be unable to tell the difference between "I want this expressed in non-violent language" and "your anger is unacceptable to me"
• because if you criticise the method of communication rather than listening to the message, you risk your kids stopping telling you what's making them angry
• because if you make them phrase their angry feelings in non-violent language, that's a game you're far better at, and they're going to lose all the arguments - and again, that will discourage them from telling you if something's wrong.

Surely kids have to be allowed to show frustration or shock? Even now if I stub my toe, or something expensive breaks, I really struggle not to vocalise it in some way. Minced oaths are just the lesser of two evils so to speak I guess. I was walking up a dark entry the other night and nearly fell over a bin someone had knocked over, and was quite proud of myself for only letting out an "arrrrgh!" and resiting the urge to kick it. Must be so much harder when you're little. Love pp's sister not knowing any swears or minced oaths, so inventing her own. "Doodlesplorg!"

I remember one occasion my DN spent a few hours with my mum a few years ago, so DN would of been 5/6.
When DN came back to her mum, my mum thought it was amusing to have taught her certain phrases and words, such as
"Bloody hell"
"Bleeding hell"
"Bugger"
"Bugger off"
And " you little chit "
Now I can't quite remember how DN managed it or said it exactly but she said a sentence including all the above to her younger sibling
Let's just say DM and DSis didn't talk for a while especially as DM didn't believe she'd done anything wrong and DSis was just being a sensitive cow!

Yello. I agree. When something frustrating/bad happens the natural reaction is to make an instantaneous exclamation at that moment... That may be 'oh' or it be 'fuck'... To say a child can't exclaim in any way but should explain their frustration in a rational manner thereafter is absurd. If I spill some coffee, I may 'swear'. What I won't do, and see any point in doing, is wait to compose myself and say 'it's so frustrating that my coffee spilt'. It's absurdly unnatural!

origami. I agree. It's the lack of continuum that regards all forms of exclamation as forbidden, whether 'gosh' or 'fuck', that seems so bizarre.

I don't like this silly/stupid/flipping/crappy/sodding/bloody/fucking/cunting book
I'd piss myself if they said the whole sentence. Would have to be one shit book!

The child might have said:
"oh no my silly pillow is on the floor" and whilst I might prefer the word 'silly' to 'flipping' in a little child its meaning is exactly the same!

But is saying 'flipping' worse than saying 'pardon'?

We do not mince our oaths in this house. The only thing that gets to me is when our four year old says 'brang' instead of 'brought'.

It suprised me how much children use 'silly' as a quite nasty insult to each other, until I read somewhere and confirmed with my own listening how "don't be silly" "you're being silly, stop it" "that's silly" is used at children with the same meaning as "shut the fuck up".

Was reading with dd yesterday and we started thinking of words rhyming with 'tap', so thwap, wrap, snap from ds and I said 'crap' without thinking and they thought it was hilarious. Ds told dd not to tell the teacher that one!

Oddly, my parents only started swearing in front of me once I had a baby, presumably as I'm now rated an adult, but of course now I don't want them to in front of the kids!

OP would you DH prefer your DD to say "ah that pillow is a right cunt"?

genuine question

poppycock comes from the Dutch pappe kak, meaning "soft dung"

Great wiki link pp thankyou. I like a swear. Pappe kak is now in my vocabulary

Surely by the rationale on this thread poo bum is a rude name to call someone and a replacement for cunt.

We never say 'Poo Bum' as an insult directed at a person, just as an expression of annoyance or frustration when something goes wrong. Along with 'Banana!' and other random words.

Some people don't allow 'sugar' as an exclamation of annoyance?!?!

Some people are very odd indeed.

I would much rather hear the word "fuck" than the eye twitchingly childish and annoying "poo bum". Luckily I have teenagers so this isn't a problem for me

What was that great post where someone's DC called a potato a cunt, or something? I don't remember the details but I remember laughing like fuck like a drain!

Surely by the rationale on this thread poo bum is a rude name to call someone and a replacement for cunt.

We never say 'Poo Bum' as an insult directed at a person, just as an expression of annoyance or frustration when something goes wrong. Along with 'Banana!' and other random words.

OK so by your rational, if poo bum isn't an insulting name, it's like saying bollocks

The rationale of the thread (whatever it may be, can't be arsed to do any more than a quick skim) isn't necessarily my rationale.

And my children are early primary school age, so eye-twitchingly childish and annoying is very much their level.

I'd rather they were inventive than precociously sweary.

Haha hairspraybabe, he genuinely would not!

I'd rather they were inventive than precociously sweary.

I agree... And much better than being forbidden from all forms of verbalising shock or frustration by some puritanical parent who hypocritically swears like a trooper themselves!