AIBU to wonder if bullies from school look at you now and regret how mean they were?

[Madeupforthis]

I was bullied at school for a variety of things. Overweight, glasses, bad hair etc. Didn't help that we were dirt poor, my DM was a single Mum and we a family tragedy when I was 13 which made me tearful all the time.

Mine was constant low level bullying. Anyway, now I am older I look like a film star compared to my teenage self! Weight off, good glasses, I've aged in to my face nicely (VERY well in comparison to the bullies) and I have even bumped in to some of the lads in our year who have chatted me up and told me that I look great (arseholes, like I am going to just forget 5 years of insults).

In most cases I look better than the bullies for my age and have a good life - I have done very well in my career and have a great range of interests and great friends now. I wonder if the mean girls look back and think, wow, I should have been nicer especially now that I look worse than Madeup ever did and made her life hell for it

I was bullied at school because of my unusual speech (to them) and family by both pupils and teachers, the head teacher being the worst. This happened over and over again each time I moved school (parents' occupations).

A few years ago one of the pupil bullies called after me in the street until I answered, and when she got close she made a face like Mrs Slocombe disgruntled, and said 'Well, I must say, the years have been very kind to you!'
Yeah, it comes from laying off the tricks and snidery, I thought. In fact, I didn't say a word, and never would to such a person. Sarah Millican has it right, good for her.

It sounds like Sarah Millican used her position and fame to bully back.I think that's quite shit tbh

Happily I never saw again the two girls who were the ringleaders in bullying me at school, and in fact they seem to have dropped out of everyone's orbit, even their former friends. However, I did once go to a reunion that the former friends attended and, when someone mentioned these two, I said that I was really glad they weren't there given how foul they had been. Most of those present agreed with me and, interestingly, their former friends didn't speak up for them. I think that, with maturity, the friends had realised what these two were really like and had become ashamed that they had gone along with the herd mentality.

I really can't see anything shit about Sarah Millican hitting back at the bully who is blatantly only sucking up to her because she's become famous. Good for her.

I bumped into my old school bully a few years back and she hadnt fucking changed at all. So no she didnt regret it, she still acts that way.
I should asked her if she still demanded 10p off everyone she met

I think you need to let it go and stop thinking about them all these years later.

Why does it matter what they think? They are grown women now who probably give you no more thought, why should you waste time on them?

Just get on with your life and live well.

I saw one of the school bullies recently at the doctor. She was botoxed to the hilt, fake boobs, fake hair, face like a jar of maggots. I'm sorry I know it's mean, but I laughed straight in her face. She looked at me and hadn't the foggiest idea who I was. She looks freaking demented. I'm so happy.

I went through a phase of being really horrible to a girl at school who I had an on going rivalry with when I was about 13. I don't quite know how it evolved, because at first we were just competitive with one another in a friendly way and then for some reason I turned into a shit who wanted to beat her at life and started being really horrid, like encouraging people not to pick her for PE and things like that.

Thankfully one of our teachers was really on the ball and pulled me to one side to point out that I was being vile and stopped me in my tracks. We ended up being friends after that and I genuinely apologised and was very remorseful but I still haven't quite got over how easy it was to fall into that pattern of behaviour.

I don't regret bullying that girl because she's now successful, I regret it because it was a horrible thing to do and it makes me ashamed of myself. The thing that really upsets me, is I don't know how far it would have gone if it wasn't for that teacher putting me in my place - far longer than a few weeks for certain.

I got an apology letter from a girl who bullied me at school. I was about 20 at the time and helping my dad out in his travel agency in school holidays. I went down to the shop for chocolate and she was behind the counter. I was polite and nice to her and went on my way.

When I went back in a few days later she gave me a heartfelt letter that spoke about how shit she felt about how she acted at high school and how she had grown up now and learnt a lot of lessons. I felt like it was a release for her. She was far from the worst person I ever had contact with so I hadn't even thought twice about it really. It was nice though to see that she realized she got caught up in twattery as she was such a lovely girl who just got swept along into being a bitch trying to impress someone else (who wasn't worth impressing)

"school holidays" at 20... that reads badly.

I was one of a gang that bullied a boy at school. Before that I was bullied myself so desperate to fit in. I was about 12 and never gave his feelings a second thought. I met him when we were in our 20s and apologised. He said he was happy, married with children. A few years later I heard he had commited suicide. This was 30 years ago, I think about him often and am still consumed with guilt.

The woman who bullied me hasn't changed much, just become better at hiding it and passive aggressive emotional abuse. I gave her the benefit of the doubt despite the fact she didn't apologise or mention the bullying. I'm glad I did but I won't again.

My dh bullied someone. There was a pecking order in his school, he was bullied and bullied someone else. That victim also bullied someone. A sad cycle. My dh feels very ashamed about it and worse when I shared my bullying experiences. He always says he would apologise if he saw them but would not blame them if they told him to piss off. His bully is arrogant and last time dh saw him he didn't care.

"Hating someone is like drinking poison and waiting for them to die" as they say. Better to let go and forgive than dream of revenge. Though I'm sure we all do it at times.

I doubt most of them would regret what they did merely because you "fit in" nowadays, look good etc.

I'm glad your life has worked out well.

Some of the gloating about bullies growing up ugly sits wrong with me. I wouldn't delight in someone's life turning out shit no matter what they did to me. But maybe cos my mum was a counsellor, I know most of the bullies came from desperately broken homes. She never told me names, but I know amongst the "cool boys" was one who had been removed from his mother aged 6 because he was filling her heroin needles for her.

One of the girls who bullied me, her mum was a social worker.

I've wondered about that a few times as an adult. This girl did some really,really twisted things, for her age. She drove another girl to the point of suicide. I often wonder if her mum knew what she was like. Not that social workers can't have awful kids themselves of course, but this girl was so fucked up.

I was in tears watching this episode of "The Gift"

The bully admitted his remorse and it was eating at his soul. he admitted that he didn't know why this boy had been singled out and it wasn't personal. Matt Baker was honest enough to say that he was finding it difficult to interview him. The boy (now an adult) accepted the apology but said that he would never forgive him. Upon meeting though he changed his mind.

I also believe that people who have little control in their own lives can lead (not always) to bullying others. Also as others have commented that some do not even realize their actions and even to this day would not accept that they are bullies.

The most amazing thing happened at school, which I remember to this day is that a bunch of boys & girls were bullying me and the new boy (handsome and very popular) stood up to them and said I don't see what is wrong with leave her alone. I still blush thinking about it and the bullying stopped.

I sometimes wonder about the kids that bullied me at school. Some of the boys I'm certain are probably doing time for domestic violence, some of the things they did to me were awful. It's all very well saying move on, but my education suffered so much as a result of it, (I left school with a handful of GCSEs that weren't that great, when I knew I could have done so much better,) and my mental health suffered too. (I have self-harm scars that will be with me until the day I die, and when I get depression now have to try very hard not to go back to old habits.)

One of the things that stands out is my textiles teacher telling me that one of the lads who was particularly awful to me wasn't having a great time at home, I didn't give a shit then and I still don't, it will never excuse that kind of behaviour in my eyes. Didn't give him a reason to make my life miserable, make me scared to go to school and actually make me fear for my life on a few occasions.

On the other hand one girl who bullied me sent me a Facebook message apologising, and telling me she did it to me because she was being bullied too. Again, doesn't excuse it, but I felt sorry for her.

There were other girls who did it, and when they saw my cuts asked me why I cut myself, I told them why and they stopped bullying me that day and said sorry. I think that made them stop and think about what they were really doing to me.

One of the reasons I as bullied was because I became a Goth at 14, the bullying started before that, but as most of my friends were Goths I started dressing that way because they did, 14 years later and I'm the only one who is still a Goth!

Life has been hard on me, aside from my DH occasionally accusing me of bullying him (when I really think it's the other way around) I'm generally a nice person and constantly worry about hurting other people's feelings. (Why I bite my tongue even when I'm upset with someone and they've wronged me.) I could never deliberately hurt another person.

Kateinkorea I read your post twice Incase I had somehow misunderstood it but no, you sounds as if you couldn't really care less about the bullying you were part of. How awful.

One of the girls I remember being quite a horrible bully at school to quite s few of us (i remember her walking past me mid maths lesson and pulling my hair REALLY hard for no reason at all). She was vicious. I looked her up a couple of years ago and her daughter aged around 12 had killed herself due to being bullied at school. However, going through her public Facebook she seems to be having a whale of a time. Not sure what to think. Even just saying her name in my head fills my stomach with knots.

I think it depends on the life and intelligence of the bully since they left school.

I went to a friend of a friend's birthday and most of her friendship group is from school. I ended up having a long conversation with a bully at the party who I had to sit next to in English. She seemed to be making amends with lots of people and sought me out.

She explained that she had a very unhappy homelife when she was at school, and it was only in the last few years after therapy and finding a good man, that she realised how horrible she was. She didn't ruin my life or anything, she was just very passive aggressive and sneery (I was brainy, confident, always put my hand up type of person).

I reassured her that she didn't scar me for life or anything, I think I gave her closure.

For what it's worth, I engaged in what could probably be best described as low-level bullying (mostly exclusion, the occasional mean comment) towards a girl in my year when I was about 14. I burn with shame now when I think about it (not because of what she has become, I have no idea, just because I've grown up and hopefully become a better person).

I also secretly enjoy the fact that the girl who beat me up twice in the 5th year hasn't aged well & has a dead-end job.